|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 7:00 pm
Glancing, fleeting, hoping
What is this shitty attachment?
Tired feet
Lungs failing
Content eyes
Too many coincidences
My pride can hide a little longer
Chancing, passing, nothing
This collar is strangling
This weak thread leash binding
Dragging a weary dog down
Unnoticed
Muted
Blinded
Deafened
My eyes turn gray
My pride can hide a little longer
Color
A curious blue
Shadow-rimmed meets gray
Chains shake
My pride can’t hide any longer
----------------------------
Not worth much, I know. It sounds unfinished and confused well, because it is. But hey, it's how I'm feeling. As corny as that was, I'll let the horrendous comments come now. Critique please.
Time, nothing but a hindrance
To the secrets that you hide
Whispers I can't grab
Though countless times I try
Natural, you surely aren't
Flawed, you may be
I cannot think of reasons why
You make me smile so
A shadow of sharp words
Rain drops in the city
Of nice-yties, I am not
Just flesh soon to rot, to be forgotten
I can clearly see, through the flames, my fog
I am the reasons why
You run, and cry, for all eternity
-----------------------------
Something that needed to be released before heads began to roll.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 10:22 pm
Seems ok to me, though I'm not really one to judge prose, my word smithery comes in crafting worlds and shapping them with pencil. But I enjoyed it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 4:17 am
It sounds rushed and confused, but in the best way possible.
I really like it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 1:37 pm
Thanks guys. Glad my feelings can be liked and enjoyed. =D It's all really one big mess the estrogen-less male gender should not have to deal with.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 1:53 pm
I don't think it should be limited to estrogen. To me, the ability to openly express feelings is very admirable.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 2:53 pm
Admirable... I suppose. I've never been very good at it, and I do wish I could be at times.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 7:19 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 9:17 am
Hey, it may be confusing
but I loved it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 3:44 pm
Awh, thank you. All the love makes me melt inside.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 5:03 pm
Hurray, more confused poetry.
Running down this path
Footsteps in the sand
Here we are, without a care or plan
Where did we run now?
Hands and tongues are tied
Fingers starving for your feel
Nothing's left but our picture painted from hasty wants
Our lonely lives
Plastic happiness melts in the red
Raining into blue
Erasing footsteps
Seconds are ornaments
Breaths denied, rushed, forgotten,
Unimportant
Nothing less of our imprisonment
Nothing's ever meant so monumental,
Everlasting
I'd trade my footsteps for but a taste
And an endless path
Where do we run now?
Hands and tongues are tied
Fingers starving for your feel
Nothing's left but our picture painted from hasty words
Our lives so lonely
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
