Welcome to Gaia! ::

"Love is unconditional
Of no judgement
Virtuous and NEVER
Ending."

Words I wrote so long ago
I don't remember what I was thinking.
Life carries on
Leaving its' scars and memories.

Not even the friendship I have known,
Even the best friends
(Versions of which I've had too many),
Ever begin to erase teh pain from the ones before.
Revenge is not an option.

To be loved is to know pain.
Over and over.
Unconditional love
Can't exist.
However much we search for it.

Maybe I'm wrong though, for hope springs
Eternal.

In case you were wondering I'm Christian. I don't follow the 'law's that my church has... I'm very openminded about my faith.

To me, God isn't something that I am able to understand, so it's damned hard for me to hear Him.

Which makes the fact that I can still find him VERY impressive to me. he HAS to be there if someone who doesn't get Him can find him.

When I need Him, I seek solace. I usually just go for a walk and leave my phone at home, or kill all the power and sit in the dark and talk to Him. When that doesn't work there's a place I go to seek solace, and He's usually there waiting for me.

It's in different places at different times. In winter it's out at the local stables where I'm well known enough that if I wander through someone else's corral they don't say much. If anything.

My solace is found out in the Boreal Forest. It's usually near water, but always surrounded by trees. This time of year, with all the song birds gone, I'll wander to the back of the corrals and down to the creek. There's an old fallen stump close to a bridge that we use as part of our trails. If you sit there long enough the forest accepts you, and then the noise starts up. Amazing how the winds will actually die down in that area until the forest gets used to you being there.

Then the wind can act as His voice, or his hands as he brushes my head (not a reccommended thing for many people to do as it usually causes me to get horribly uptight and snappy) and the trees can act as knees.

I'll sit there for hours just letting the solace of the place soak into me. Occasionally a raven will examine me, and I it. They aren't black you know. They are every colour and none.

Someone asked me once how I could KNOW there was a God if I couldn't understand His nature... I told them to go find a place where there couldn't possibly be anybody else (like my creek) and then to clear their minds of all thought.

He's a storyteller. I hear stories in my head about things like trees and snow and ravens. Winter and summer. Life and death.

Things I've never heard before, and usually dont' remember afterwards.

They say He's supposed to be a father figure, so I call Him that. But he isn't. My father is an a*****e. I love him, but I am terrified of him.

God is the thing that can touch my soul and make my quest for solace work.

"A young woman was found in the downtown core earlier today."

Who knew you could get the news in Heaven. That is where I am isnt' it?

"She had apparently tried to fly by chaining herself to a bird of unknown species."

Wow. That woman is a mess. Look at all the chains and feathers - wait. That seems familiar.

"Doctors are stumped as there were no drugs found in the womans system. Police are searching for her next of kin."

That was me. But, I was the bird. Wasn't I?

'Welcome to the first layer of Heaven. I know it looks a lot like your old life, but it's not. I promise.'

I feel strange...