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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 8:03 pm
Alrighty
I just recently found out that i'm pregnant. I found out at about 6/7 weeks and i'm now 9 weeks along. I drove out to my mothers last Saturday to tell her the news and what was going on, because she's my mother and I share what's going on in my life with her. I knew she wasn't going to be happy, I knew she'd be disappointed, I expected all this and more.
So I finally worked up the nerve to tell her, she didn't believe me, but after being persistent on the subject she finally believed me. She acted alright, she didn't yell at me or anything of the sort. She called her friend and told her, she also called my father and told him.
Things seemed okay, she pulled me aside and asked me if I was okay, and what I thought about the situation. I told her that I was going to take responsibility for the situation, and that my boyfriend (who went with me to tell her) was pretty excited to have a kid and ready for the responsibility as well. She told me there were ways around it, and I told her that I wasn't going to get an abortion. I don't believe in them, and I told her that if that angered her, i'm sorry, but it's just not an option for me. She seemed to understand, I thought everything was okay.
Now today before work I get a phone call from my mother. We just talked like normal, didn't mention the situation of me being pregnant or anything and then she asked me about it agian, and this time she told me to get an abortion. She told me that she didn't expect this from me, and it's going to change my life forever. I told her that I understood that and she told me that there were more options. I said I know there's adoption, I had thought about it before talking about the situation with my boyfriend. My mother again brought up abortion, she told me that it would be easier that way. I think otherwise, but whatever. I hate more than anything knowing that i've disappointed her. It's something that I try very hard not to do. I buckled down in school, graduated a year early, went straight to college, tried to do my best to make her happy.
I understand it's my life, and I need to live it. I understand that she's worried for me and everything. But I want to do this. I want to have this baby, I want to take responsibility for my actions. I guess what i'm asking advice for is my mother. How do I get her to stop telling/asking/hinting at getting an abortion? How do I get her to support and respect that i'm taking responsibility for the situation? I honestly don't know what to do, and it's all i've been thinking about since I hung up the phone with her.
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 11:52 pm
Honestly? You probably need to tell her something like, "Mom, I love you and I always aim to make you happy. I know my pregnancy disappoints you, but I plan on going through with this. It would be a lot easier for me and the baby if we have your understanding and support, rather than having to argue with you. I think you'll be a great grandma and I'm very excited, and I wish you would be excited for me."
You don't have to say exactly that, but notice the technique? You're complimenting her, telling her you love her, and in no way saying "Shut the hell up". It's tactful, honest, and will probably make her stop, even if she doesn't agree.
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Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 1:17 am
well i tel ya, i know how you feel.
My mom is telling me to wait till im 25 to have a baby and not make the "mistakes"she made.
when my husband and I first got married it was 21. (im 19 right now) Now she wants me to wait till his contract with the military is up. rolleyes so we can be close by...i swear im not moving to that tiny hick town they live in.....no thank you im going to florida thank you very much...ahem..
its just to controlling im getting so SICK of her.
My husband and I have a house,a car, and everything...so its not like we can't support a baby...we want one so desperatly as well and have for many many years.
Anyways, I have to just be firm with my mom. I had to be when I got married cause she didnt think i was ready for it, so i showed her got a job and paid for the entire thing..lol moved up here to canada ...and personally i havnt been happier and shes never seemed more miserible.
i dont know why exactly your mom thinks you need a abortion. but i promise theres a inner lining to the situationn of why she thinks that.
however you need togo "im a big girl and i can take care of myself" and prove it to her. If your going to have this baby, then have it. Unfortunatly it seems your going to have to prove yourself. I'm sorry that , that will not paint the perfect lil picture of mom and daughter outings for baby things. Probably will just be you and your friends and your boyfriend.
but, i promise if you can be firm and prove yourself...show that your strong enough todo this. Your mom will respect you more and you will as well.
i know its hard, i hate disapointing my mom as well...it crushes me when shes unhappy or disaproving of my actions. infact she hates tattoos...all my life she said she never wanted me to get one. i love them to death, i got two three months ago..and ive yet to tell her. >.<
but thats just a simple thing...my grandmother is really who im closer with and she knows how adam and i tick. my mom doesn't cause shes been so harsh on us latly. When i dont understand why...anywho! im rambling about myself lol
youve gotta be firm babe, itll pay off in the end i promise.
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Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 11:33 am
Savina Honestly? You probably need to tell her something like, "Mom, I love you and I always aim to make you happy. I know my pregnancy disappoints you, but I plan on going through with this. It would be a lot easier for me and the baby if we have your understanding and support, rather than having to argue with you. I think you'll be a great grandma and I'm very excited, and I wish you would be excited for me." You don't have to say exactly that, but notice the technique? You're complimenting her, telling her you love her, and in no way saying "Shut the hell up". It's tactful, honest, and will probably make her stop, even if she doesn't agree. That probably is the most mature way to handle it. However, I tend to get riled up, so I would probably say something more like, "Hey, do you want to ever see this baby or not?" xp So many mothers are not thrilled when their daughters get pregnant at a young age, but I think most of them melt when they see that baby if not sooner. So hopefully she'll warm up to the idea before too long, so you won't have to keep going through this. And if she doesn't warm up to it, she's the one who loses out in my opinion. This could be a really fun and happy time for her right now and in the near future, measuring your belly, feeling for kicks, and buying baby stuff. She will lose out on that stuff if she is just going to be negative about the whole thing. Like Angel said, you have to live your life. It's up to her now how much she wants to be involved in all of this.
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Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 8:09 am
Parents are difficult we didnt get that from my mom or dad but we got it from my hubby's dad. You may just have to tolerate it, if she hasnt excepted that your keeping yet she probably wont for a while. I will let you know that my father in law was the biggest pain in the butt ever during my pregnancy but once he saw his grandson there was nothing to talk about anymore because adoption wasnt even an option because he adored him. We kinda pretend he never said things like that and he and my son have an awesome relationship. Once your past the abortion point of no return things will get better and then once the baby is born your mom will be to busy doting on the grandbaby to even care that your life isnt exactly how she planned it would be.
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Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 11:08 am
Thank you for all the advice everyone. Sorry I havn't posted in here or replied to any of you, I don't really have time. I hop on here to check this before I leave for work and when I get home it's straight to bed for me. Anywho, thanks again!!
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Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:19 pm
I think you should honestly tell your mother that you can handle the responsibility and that you want the baby.
How old are you by the way?
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 2:55 pm
VampiresonParade I think you should honestly tell your mother that you can handle the responsibility and that you want the baby.
How old are you by the way? 19 My mother and I don't really talk anymore.
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