At the moment I don't have much time for reading more than Chapter One, but rest assured I'll go back later and finish.
As for Chapter One, it seems more suited to being a prologue. It's fairly short, and the style of it seems more like an introduction. I suppose it doesn't matter whether you label it a "chapter" or a "prologue," but I thought I'd suggest making it a prologue anyway.
I really like the parallel structure of the two adjectives or emotions in between each few paragraphs. There is an overwhelming potential for this structure being trite, but I think you pulled it off very well. The only problem I had with it was starting the story with the two one-word sentences. It felt somewhat awkward, but after the first paragraph, it works. Perhaps reverse the order of the first two paragraphs.
i.e.:
Quote:
A joyful child ran outside the cottage into the spacious front yard surrounded by trees. In her hand was a long piece of rope to play with. She heard her name being called and turned towards the door.
Happiness. Joy.
I think it works better as shown above nstead of vice-versa. It seems to flow better. The only other complaint about these paragraphs is when you describe the child as "joyful" after already having used the word "joy." Perhaps use another word choice to vary the descriptions.
My last comment is that there were a rather large number of comma errors. You don't have a problem with comma splices where you're placing commas in spots that there shouldn't be any, but you do leave out commas that need to be in there.
Other than that, I think you did an effective job of hooking the reader in the first bit to make them want to continue reading on. I was interested and intrigued, especially with the strange contrast of the mother appearing concerned about her child's welfare, but then later the girl's parents were described as "...never lifting a finger to help her."
An interesting conundrum.
Good job. I shall be sure to read on.
