Welcome to Gaia! ::

i made this when i had pink hair, so it refers to me as a pink haired chick.

Hell yeah!!
Now time for some xenosaga humor!! Ya-ya style!

I do not own this xenosaga we speak of,
But enjoy!!
CHAPTER 1
*darkcloud 2 chapter music plays*

Mary:“little master! Master Gaignun!"
Mary entered the enormous room, yelling at the top of her lungs.
Mary: "it's time to wake up!!"
jr was lying so close to gaignun, they were almost overlapping.
mary giggled at jr's boxers.
they had woody the cowboy on them!
and gaignuns had....is that buzzlightyear?O.o
mary: (little master is SO cute!)
jr's hand twitched, and he opened his eyes.
he looked at gaignun and knocked him on the head.
jr:"c'mon, bigman. get up!"
gaignun slapped away jr's hand.
gaignun:"mmmmmm......shut up...."
jr pulled gaignuns hair and chuckled.
gaignun:"OWW!! okay, okay!"
mary grinned, then winked.
mary:" ya'll two have fun last night, together?"
gaignun&jr:" O.O what? O.O "
marys hand covered her mouth and laughed.
mary:" oh, i was just kiddin' you two!"
mary stood straight and clapped her hands twice.
mary:"now get up! breakfast is ready!"
jr:" OH, BOY!!! FOOD!!!"
mary giggled and left the room.
Gaignun:" i dont get it..."
jr looked at gaignun.
Gaignun:" how is yatzee funny?"
::the boys were playing yatzee last night::
jr:"maybe she doesnt like it."
gaignun:"but than what did she mean?"
jr:"hmmmm.....i dunno..."
gaignun and jr sat there,
thinking of what marys joke meant.
then it hit them....
gaignun&jr:"OH!!........MARYYYYY!!!!"
jr:" shes always joking around about us like that."
gaignun:" yes, and ever since that girl came along, its been even worse..."
a scream was heard and the two brothers jumped out of bed.
jr:"speak of the devil..."
the door broke down and a pink haired girl entered the room.
girl:" JUNYA!!!"
jr:"stop saying my name like that!"
girl:"............nevermind......."
the girl walks out of the room, forgetting what she had wanted to say.
jr: (its been 54 hours since we found this girl... she wont tell us anything about her until we locate her junk.)
jr sighed and began to remove his boxers...
AND WAS INSTANTLY PUSHED ONTO GAIGNUN BY THE PINK HAIRED PEST!!!
jr:"you little s**t!"
gaignun:" @_@"
yakura:" dont worry, i didnt see anything ^.^"
jr:"gaignun, get your hand away from there!"
gaignun:" why are you being such an a** this morning?!"
girl:" uh-oh..."
jr:"GRRRAAAAUUGGGHHHH!!!! IM GOING TO THE BATHROOM!!"
and with those words,
he pulled up his boxers and left.
gaignun&girl:....(what a b***h...)

[ meanwhile, at albedos place....home....thingy....]

albedo:"kirschwasser! i want my cheesy-poofs!!"

a kirschwasser walks in.
kirschwasser:" do you expect me to do EVERYTHING for you???"
albedo:"......yes.....NOW FETCH MY CHEESY-POOFS!!!"
kirschwasser:"no..."
albedo blinked a few times.
albedo:"pleeeeaaase? i promise to cut your head off diagnolly this time!"
kirscwasser:"....fine...."
albedo:"yippie! oh, and put more CHEESE on 'em this time!"

kirschwasser: >.<

[ back to the durandul

girl:" FOOD!!!"
a plate of food was set in front of the pink-haired pest, and she dove right in.
jr.&gaignun:"O.O"
in less than 2 minutes, the girl was done.

girl:" i have NO idea of what the hell i just ate, but it was yummy!"
realian:"little master, we've located the pests belongings!"
jr:"alright!"
gaignun:"yay......"
girl:" 'pest' ?"
the girl jumped up.
girl:"oh! me!"
the girl ran to the bridge...or at least tried to...she ended up getting lost.
when jr found her, she was stuck between the metal sliding doors.
girl:"they shut on me... crying "
jr:"they dont like you, huh?"
the girl nodded.
jr. pressed the button that commands the doors to open....
you know...the big red button beside the doors...
no, that one.
YES, that one!
anyway, the doors opened and released the pink pest.
girl:"ummmmmm....so which way am i supposed to go???"
jr. points to the left.
girl:" (-: ........................................"
jr:"*sigh* just follow me..."
the pest followed jr. to the bridge.
they rode up the elevator and walked up to shelly.
shelly:" hello there, little master, and pest."
girl:"dammit! stop calling me 'pest'!"
shelly:"okie-dokie-artichokee!"
girl&jr.:"O.O.........."
realian:"we have recieved the pest- er, i mean 'girls' belongings."
jr. points to some random worker.
jr:" you! fetch her.....stuff!"
random worker:" yes sir! right away!"
the worker jumped into the air, and landed in a puddle of yellow cloth.
he zipped up the cloth onto his body, revealing a dogsuit...
he was wearing a doggy costume......hm....

anyway, the worker/dog went down the elevator.
jr:"i dont know what the hell is wrong with him, but he's a good man..."
girl: *nodding*"mmmmm-hmmmmm..."

[ back to albedo now.]

albedo:" oh boy! pumpkin pie!"
albedo was holding a pumpkin pie, getting ready to dig in when a hungry lil' kirschwasser walked up to him.
albedo:"no, kirschy this is MY pumpkin pie!"
the kirschwasser began to cry.
albedo:"i saaaaaiiiiiiid 'NO'!!!"
a big, huge, fat kirschwasser came out of nowhere and sat on albedo.
albedo:"EEEEEEAAAAAAUUGHHHAAA!HH!!!!! the pain....."
fat kirsch:" food....give....."
albedo painfully handed over the pie to the hungry kirschwasser, who skipped away happily!
fat kirsch:" good.....good....."
the fat kirschwasser lifted her fat a** off albedo and left.
albedo:" great....another defective kirschwasser...."

[ durandul time!]

the dog-suited worker lies down a huge capsule in front of the girl.
girl:"YIPPIIIIEEEE!!!!"
jr.:" alright. we got your stuff. now tell us who you are."
the girl looks at jr. and smiles.
girl:" the name is yakura. yakura shima!"

yay!
i finished the first chapter!
who wants to touch me?!(in non0pervertive way)
..........................
..........................
I SAID WHO WANTS TO ********' TOUCH ME???!!!
jr: *rubs yakura's hand*"ooooooooo...... O.O"
Cool

Any of you who have ever met the dude in the casino of the first game,
Then you should be familiar with the first part of the chapter.
Basically my fanfic is straight off the game.

CHAPTER 3


Yakura was walking through the residential area of the ship.
Yakura:" ooooo, a casino!!!"
Yakura walked into the casino and looked around in excitement.
Yakura:" wow, this is so awesome! ( I hate casinos)
Strange worker:" this might sound crazy..."
Yakura looked to her side to face a worker,
Talking to her.
Strange worker:" but I think the little master has a crush on me"
Yakura:"..who are you, and why are you talking to me?...."
Strange worker:" I mean, I know gender doesn't matter when it comes to love..."
yakura:" I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!"
Strange worker:"but i'm just not like that"
yakura:" would you leave me alone?!''
Strange worker:" I never thought little master was,well,like that .but it was actually kinda obvious.¦hmmm...."
Yakura:"...okay i'm leaving....gonna go..."
Strange worker:" little master is REALLY cute and all,but I dont think I would ever feel THAT way for him."
Yakura:"alright,thats nice.see ya."
Yakura walked away to the other side of the casino, the man still talking.
Yakura:"who WAS that dude? O_o;;;"
yakura walked near a shiny gold plate with a blue sign above it labeled EVS
Yakura:" ooooo.what's this?"
Yakura stuck out her hand to touch the plate and her hand went straight through it!
Yakura:"AAAAAAA!!!!"
Yakura jerked her hand back in shock.
Lady: "that's the EVS simulator. It allows you to-"
Yakura:" yes, yes, that's fascinating."
Yakura walked all the way into the gold plate.
Yakura:" SWEET!!"
Yakura started glowing and floating.
Yakura:" huh? WOAH! WAIDDAMINNUTE!!! WHAT THE-"
yakura vanished.

[ albedo's place]

albedo: *eating popcorn*" psh... that gaignun...such a nuisance..."
a kirschwasser walked up in front of albedo.
albedo:"...................."
kirschwasser:" y'know...i was expecting you to-"
albedo:" OH, YES!! THATS RIGHT!!!"
albedo throws the popcorn away.
albedo:" i should be having fun WITH them! kirschwasser #626!"
a kirschwasser falls from the ceiling onto her head.
albedo:" fetch me my homo-manthong-3000!"
kirschwasser:" yes, sir! right away!"
the kirschwasser jumped into the air and landed in a puddle of black cloth.
the kirschwasser zipped up the cloth.
this one was a kitty suit!
zee kirschwasser left.
albedo:" i dont know what the hell is wrong with that kirschwasser, but at least shes loyal..O_O"

[ back to durandul]

yakura opened her eyes and a screen was displayed in front of her.
the screen listed places.
yakura:" neato."
yakura scanned down the list and picked a place.
yakura:"wo...glin...de...that one looks good!"
yakura touched the link and was instantly transported to a ship.
yakura:" woah! sweet!"
yakura began to walk around.
yakura:" but...none of this is real... its just simulated space...............
.........HOW THE HELL DID I KNOW THAT?!!?"
a gnosis came around the corner.
yakura:" WTF?!?!?!"
the gnosis screamed and charged after yakura.
yakura:" EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"
a hand reached from portal and grabbed yakuras arm, pulling her in and out of the EVS.
yakura:" WHAT THE HEL WAS THAT???!!!!"
jr.:" that was a gnosis. a monster. you shouldnt play around in the EVS like that..."
yakura:" Sad ............. Very Happy so what happened between you and gaignun?"
jr:" he let me leave but....he was holding a gun..."
yakura:" Sad ....."
jr's face saddens even more.
jr:" what if he....what if he ki-"
yakura hugged jr.
yakura:" its okay, jr....gaignun loves you to much to do that to you..."
jr blushed, then looked up to yakura.

[albedo's place]

albedo:" ooooh...i see...so it was just a big mis-understanding."
gaignun:" yes. so YOUR the pervert for thinking that..."
albedo:" so...are you really gonna do it? fulfill your mission? 'twas dr.yurievs order, remember?"
gaignun:" i....i know...but...i...just cant..."
albedo:" good! besides, shouldnt you at least have some good fun with him?"
gaignun:" uh, what?"
albedo:" oh, you two have already been having fun, eh?"
gaignun:"what?"
albedo:" and you never even bothered to call over your dear unstable brother to join? how heartless of you!"
gaignun:" what the hell are you talking about?!"
albedo:" oh, you know...a litlle bit of this. and a little bit of th- OOPS!! I LEFT THE SPAHGETTIOS ON THE STOVE!!! GOTTA GO!!!"
gaignun:" ALBEDO!!!"
the link was cut....again...

end of ch.3.

Hooray! Chapter 5!
* puts on safety helmet*


CHAPTER 5

[second miltia spaceport]

Yakura:” WOW! This is SO cool!”
Jr laughed.
Yakura:” where to now?”
gaignun:” come.”
gaignun started to walk off.
Yakura leans over to jr. and whispers.
Yakura:” I think he wants us to follow him…”
Jr:” -.- duh.“
yakura and jr followed.
When they exited the space port, they were on some gameboard-like map.
Yakura:” what…the…crap?”
jr looked down at the map beneath him.
Jr:” I don’t really know, myself…”
Gaignun:” ask the designers…”
Yakura was freaked out.
Yakura:”( okay… so we were at the space port… then we exited…and now we’re huge!)
Gaignun points to a small area, a city obviously.
Gaignun:” theres where we need to go.”
the 3 walked over to the area, and just somehow appeared there in the city.
Gaignun looked at his pocket watch.( how fancy )
Gaignun:” hmmmmm…it is only 10:16 A.M…. we are much early.”
Gaignun turned around to face yakura and jr.
Gaignun:” jr, walk around with yakura, okay?”
Jr:” and just where the hell will YOU be?”
gaignun:” I have to return Stella’s corset.”
Yakura and jr. just stood there with blank faces.
Then the two BURSTED OUT LAUGHING.
Yakura:”LOL! corset??!!”
Jr:” why do YOU have her corset?LOL!!”
gaignun:” it wasn’t for me!”
jr and yakura stopped laughing.
Gaignun:” sh…shelly wanted to try it on… she’s taking up on ballet lessons…and Stella’s corset is the best one around. Custom made. “
Yakura:” shelly? Corset? Ballet?”
Yakura’s eyes glittered at the thought of shelly performing ballet.
Yakura:” she would look SOOOO beautiful!”
Jr&gaignun:”……………….”
Gaignun walked off, heading for the stairs.
Gaignun:” well, I’m off.”
Yakura and jr. waved bye.
Yakura looked beside the stairs and pointed at the EVS simulator.
Yakura:” LOOKIE!! Another goldy platey thing!”
Yakura ran over to the gold plate. The lady beside the EVS noticed her.
Lady:” that’s an EVS simulator. It allows you to---“
yakura:” OH, GOD! NOT ANOTHER ONE OF YOU!!”
yakura ran.
Jr:” h-hey! Where are you going?!”
Yakura: *still running*” to save the president!”
jr:” what?!”
Yakura:” the president! He’s being held hostage!”
Jr:” dammit, how many times have you watched that “ sonic the hedgehog the movie”??!!”
Yakura:” about 31 times!”
Jr: *sigh*” I might as well go after her…”
Yakura stopped and jr ran into her.
Yakura:” watch where I’m going, shrimp!”
Jr:” O____O???”
girl beside medical clinic:” excuse me. But could you give this to Sidney?”
the girl handed a letter to yakura.
Yakura:” who the hell is Sidney?...”
girl:” you know. Sidney.”
Yakura:”…no…”
Girl:” he’s a wanderer!”
yakura blinked and walked pass the girl and into the clinic.
Girl:” thank you!”
….
End of ch. 5