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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 6:46 am
Okay, so... for the roleplay I made, I created a roleplay sample, more for the fun of it than anything else. But I had such fun writing it... I'm wondering if people will read it if I turn it into a fanfic.
Don't worry, I'm sure you'll discover the plot after reading the piece that follows.
“Nnmg…” a groan escaped an aching throat. Emerald eyes, clouded with fever, shone from a pale, sick face.
“Edward…” someone whispered in a weak voice, “Edward, please, you mustn’t die.” He knew this voice, even though his feverish mind took longer to process it. “Doctor,” the voice turned from addressing him and seemed distant as though she had moved away. It was his mother’s voice, “Doctor, please save him. Don’t let my son die.” She pleaded.
“I have told you ma’am.” The other voice was both gentle and firm, “I will do what I can.”
“You can save him,” his mother pressed, “You are the only one who can.”
A sigh sounded from the doctor and a cool hand pressed to the sick boy’s forehead. “It would be best if you not speak anymore.” He spoke calmly, with respect, “You will wear yourself out.”
The son of the desperate woman closed his eyes again as a cough caused the shapes he saw to spin. His sight was nearly lost to this sickness.
‘Well,’ he thought, ‘if I go blind, they won’t be able to draft me, mother.’ He would have chuckled, but it hurt him, so he slept instead.
When he woke, it was to cool air on his face. He was outside and it was cold. His eyes remained closed against the dull ache in his head. He was too sick to think to wonder why he was outdoors or even where he was. He was certain that he was in too much pain for him to have died. He could be in a dream though. Suddenly, it was warm and he was laying on something softer than the hospital bed.
Cool breath on his face.
He slowly lifted his eyelids, revealing his once clear emerald eyes. Had he not been sick and lying down, he’d have jumped back at seeing someone’s face so close to his, especially a man’s. The man hovering over him smiled gently and almost apologetically, it seemed.
The man seemed to disappear.
A sharp pain in his upper arm, told him where the man had gone. He turned his head and focused his eyes as well as he was able. He shouted in shock. The madman had bitten him! And now he was standing back, seemingly watching… waiting for something.
Then it happened.
He screamed at the sudden, intense burn radiating from the bite mark. He tried to protest, but all that managed to escape were groans of pain.
It hurt.
The burn spread through his arm and began creeping through to the rest of his body. He writhed and groaned through the ordeal. He had no knowledge of how long this pain lasted. It seemed like years, before the writhing and the groaning and the burning all suddenly stopped… and he was frigidly cold. In reaction to the shock of the sudden change in temperature, he fell unconscious. Into darkness.
When he awoke, something was missing. A sort of emptiness now filled him. He also found that no matter how he tried, he could not go back to sleep. He was not the least bit drowsy. Nor did he feel sick; in fact, he felt almost better than ever. His hearing, his eyesight, every one of his senses seemed sharper, better than it had been before the flu.
’He’s awake.’ he turned quickly toward the voice.
It was him.
His eyes narrowed at the man who he distinctly remembered biting him. He stayed silent, glaring at the man.
’Mad.’ the man spoke without moving his mouth, ’And rightly so.’ he added.
A soft growl escaped his throat. The man’s hands lifted in innocence.
“Calm yourself, Edward.” He spoke clearly, calmly, “I can help.”
“What did you do to me? Who are you?” an immediate response. The man’s mouth drew into a frown at that.
’How to tell him?’ the man’s voice sounded again without his mouth opening. He assumed that it was the man’s way of speaking to himself.
“Tell me what?” he demanded. The man’s eyes widened with confusion.
“I’ve said nothing about that, my boy.” He offered cheerfully.
“Yes, you did.” He argued, “I just heard you.” He added uncertainly.
’What could this boy be saying? Can he possibly…?’ the man shook his head, ’That’s impossible.’
“What is going on?” the pale, bronze-haired boy demanded, “What is impossible?” He’d about had it with this man’s cryptic babblings.
“So it’s true then.” The man muttered, and then smiled, “I apologize, Edward. I have been rude. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr. Carlisle Cullen.” The man’s hand was held out, poised to shake. Edward considered the hand for a moment and relaxed his stance; however, he did not take the doctor’s hand.
“What did you do to me?” he asked again. Carlisle sighed, considering his answer.
’How does one go about telling a child that he has been turned into a vampire, of all creatures?’ the question stood out among the doctor’s thoughts. At least that’s what Edward assumed he was hearing when the man spoke and his mouth did not move. Hearing this, his face twisted in confusion.
“A vampire?” Edward asked. A shiver of terror ran down his spine. He had to be dreaming.
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:18 am
It's very good, but Edward's parents were already dead when Carlisle changed him - it was the reason Carlisle felt he could. Beyond that, your writing skills are excellent! I'm terribly impressed. ^^
*Is currently responding to the RP*
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 9:52 pm
XD Edward's parents were dead. Edward; however, was unconcious and sick and either does not realize it or does not remember his mother's death. While it is not first person it is still Edward's POV.
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 6:25 am
Then I am horribly confuzzled.
If his mum is dead, how can Carlisle be talking to her?
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 7:52 am
She is not dead at the beginning, while Carlisle is speaking with her Edward falls asleep. Between then and the next paragraph his mother dies. The way I wrote this was something like the Angel chapter was written. Edward is not entirely there or very confused throughout the piece, so the writing style is rather confusing. Quote: ‘Well,’ he thought, ‘if I go blind, they won’t be able to draft me, mother.’ He would have chuckled, but it hurt him, so he slept instead. Here is where his mother dies. While he's sleeping. Quote: When he woke, it was to cool air on his face. He was outside and it was cold. His eyes remained closed against the dull ache in his head. He was too sick to think to wonder why he was outdoors or even where he was. He was certain that he was in too much pain for him to have died. He could be in a dream though. Suddenly, it was warm and he was laying on something softer than the hospital bed. Through this paragraph and the rest of the piece, Edward's family is deceased. Taken by the Flu. Had I written it from Carlisle's view, it would have been much clearer that Elizabeth and Edward Masen were dead. I hope that clears things up! Sorry to have confused you! ^^; P.S. I don't have time right now to posyt in the RP, but I will type or write up my reply and have my sister log on as me and post.
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:04 am
Ah, that makes more sense now. I was just confusing myself. You really should continue this. You're very talented!
And that's fine, you can take your time. I'm not exactly the fastest to reply either.
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:29 am
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Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 2:14 pm
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Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 9:27 am
Thanks~! mrgreen *trying to find the time now to continue it*
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Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 3:23 pm
Wow, that is very good. You should definitely continue with it. ^^
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 1:22 pm
Amazing. Absolutely amazing. I love your writing! I would love you forever if you continued =] [[pleasepleaseplease?]] ^^
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Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 7:21 am
please do more.....I love it!!!! heart
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Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 8:21 am
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Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 6:44 pm
You really, really should continue this! I really love it!
I love reading Edward's POV, and you really seem to understand his POV very clearly. =)
Brava! XD Love it.
Continue writing it. OR DIE! >=D
Just kidding. Take your time, you'll do better.
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