Welcome to Gaia! ::

I am a,14 year old male,I am an agnostic,I am also bisexual,Incase that information is needed in this?




On january third 2007,My step father,who has been like a father to me passed away due to a heart attack(not for sure exactly).
On january sixth coming back from his burial,My greatgrandmother passed away as well!Then about two weeks later,My grandfather fell down in his home and broke a hip,He had a heart attack on the operating table,and his hip bone shattered.As of now he is in slightly better condition,But it still scares the s**t out of me.On top of it all,Last week,I met my biological family for the first time since I was 6 months old.So alot of things are happening very fast,Its very overwhelming and depressing!My biological father isnt doing well either he just got over his third heart attack and had open heart surgery,when he was in the hospital,He got a staff infection and now needs more surgery.I am scared he wont live long.




Since january third I have been very depressed,lonely,angry,I havnt enjoyed things I once did with my step father,Hell I went kayaking the next weekend cause me kayaking buddies thought it would cheer me up,But it made it worse,I enjoyed it but only to an extent,I missed having my step father along with me,It was the one river I had always wanted him to see me go down.I miss my greatgrandmother,and am scared for my grandfather and Bio dad's live's.




Also,Since january third i have been severely suicidal,It started out with mild thought's,Then I began having to restrain myself from doing it.right after I got back from meeting my bio family,I had a huge depression spell,I was here on gaia one night and felt alone,sad,I held a knife to my left wrist for about an hour before I talked myself out of it.




I have asked some freinds here on gaia,they have told me to talk to my mom about it and about seeing a therapist.After one of them told me I may be held for evaluation,In a(i am guessing white room in a straight jacket,Maybe just an over exageration)But whatever place,I began to shake severely in fear,I was scared and worried.I have still had theese suicidal thoughts even after hearing this,and shaking.


I talked to my mom last night about seeing a therapist,I didnt tell her it was for suicide though,Just told her it was for greif.She told me I could go to see one,but never said when,I dunno if I will get to go or not,I am here because I want to know the following:





1:What should I do?
2: Do I need help?
3:Are there any techniques that i can use to get through theese depression spells?
4:Is this normal?
5:Should I tell my mom I am suicidal,I dont trust her alot and she is a nurse so she overreacts to every injuiry possible(trust me on this one kayaking causes some serious bruises and s**t)?
6:If I go to a greif therapist,and I tell him I have had suicidal thoughts and come close to slitting my wrists,Will he lock me up,What will happen afterwards?;or ill he just perscribe meds?;Is the right move to see a therapist at all?



-Thank's you for helping me.
whitewater addicted kid

i would suggest telling your mom that you want to go see a counselor/therapist to help you deal with all of the greif resulting from your stepdad's and great-grandmother's death. Then, if and when, you see the counselor/therapist person, tell them that you have been uber depressed and come close to attempting suicide several times. From what i understand, if you tell the counselor that you don't want your mom to know that you're suicidal, the counselor LEGALLY cannot tell your mom that you are suicidal. The counselor is bound by a patient confidentiality law, i think.

I've been in a similar boat. I made a reference to suicide at school, during class, once. The school suspended me, and told me that i couldn't come back to school until i had gotten a suicide evaluation and i had a note from a mental professional (in my case, a psychologist) saying that i was mentally healthy and not suicidal. During the evaluation, a social worker and some kind of mental doctor person questioned me and my parents, asking questions about life and such. The whole thing took about 4.5 hours. rolleyes The hospital suggested that i spend the night there, but my mom practically threw a fit and said that i was going to heal best at home. So the hospital people had me sign this "contract" saying that i wasn't going to hurt myself, and then they let me go home.

I suggest that you have a friend in each of your classes that you can count on to give you a hug when you need one. That really helped me a lot.