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 Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2005 9:19 pm
I tried to post this in life issues but it was ignored in the midst of the "I GOT MY MOM PREGNANT" and "OMG I RAPED A KID" topics.....so I was hoping someone here could help...though it is kind of long...so sorry...
This issue is all my fault, it's nothing someone did to me, I'm not a victim, I don't need pity, but I need to fix this without the "dump him" stuff that I hear constatntly...anyhow...here goes
I'm having trust issues with my boyfriend, and the poor guy hasn't done anything wrong and he's the nicest guy I've ever met...but my ex was the nicest guy I had ever met until he took a turn for the worse, I'm scared my boyfriend will do that..
My short history with guys...First guy I called 'boyfriend' was at a time when I was too young to be serious at least in an intimate way (so we never kissed, just hugs and holding hands) That lasted for two years, I moved in mid-relationship and he dumped me...supposibly he cheated, no one knows for sure.
Another guy stalked me and obsessed over me, he told me that he had planned to rape me (if he was serious he wouldn't of told me) either way it freaked me out. The next guy wen't out with me on a bet...someone bet him he couldn't ******** the hottest available girl in the school....after two weeks he screamed at me for not 'putting out' and told me he could find a girl hotter and more willing than me....
My ex was the worst. He came off as an absolute prince charming, everything was great about him. The second I lost my virginity to him he turned into a little deamon. That relationship ended up long distance and throughout that he cheated on me and I knew it...I accused him of cheating, he said "You're only acusing me because you're the one who is cheating, you're just guilty you slut!" and he dumped me...he was also drunk and high on weed. (maybe something to do with it) Throughout that relationship he lied to me and broke promises constantly. It was a year and a half of utter dissapointment...
Now I have a new guy....he seems really great...but I'm just scared he'll end up like my ex. I know I can't say "EVERY GUY IS A CHEATER BECAUSE MY EX WAS" but I'm very very scared. My boyfriend is leaving for college in August...I'm just scared he'll find another girl who is closer and "easier a** to tap" as one of my exs said.... My boyfriend has money up the wazoo and plans to fly here every weekend to see me...I'm afraid that will start to annoy him (though he doesn't seem the type to be annoyed) and he'll dump me.
It isn't his fault I'm so scared, but abused animals lose trust in humans....this is kind of the same thing....(least I wasn't beaten x.x) I know it's possible to regain trust and I AM going to talk to him tomorrow about this. He's at orientation right now and I'm flying to spend 4th of july with him and then we're both coming back to finish out the summer. But...I need to know what to talk about, how to approach this. I cannot go in and say "I don't trust you, do something about it!!" I've been dating him longer than the time period it took my ex to 'go bad' but I'm still scared this is a "Nice guy" act to get something out of me. He got me 200 roses for valentines day, and a 40gb ipod for my birthday which he remembered when everyone else forgot, he's brought home flowers when I had bad days, he got me a diamond ring to remind me of him when he goes to college. But I"m still so scared...maybe this is an act??
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 11:08 pm
First I must say "damn" at all the money this guy is throwing around for you. That isn't a judge of how he feels for you though, because most rich people throw around money. Trust only comes over time, you can't just expect to snap your fingers and trust him with your life. If it's hard for you to deal with him being away because of the (understandable) paranoia, you could agree to take a break. I know that is probably not the best idea for your particular situation, I'm just laying it out there.
You just have to talk to him, explain how you've been hurt, but don't make him feel like he's responsible. I think you gathered that part already. You can't just say "Fix me, damn it," because he never hurt you, the other jackasses did. Don't make him prove his love by great feats, just ask him to be there for you. After a while, he'll probably continue to be just as perfect as he seems to be.
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Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:31 pm
Talk to him about it, and if he really loves you he won't mind coming to see you every weekend. I'm sure it will all be fine.
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