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 Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2007 7:24 pm
Sell Your Soul
Do you know what its like,
To sell your soul,
In a futile attempt,
To make yourself feel whole.
It leaves you empty,
Cold, unfeeling, and void,
Nothing matters anymore,
And your world is destroyed.
No one can console you,
For they know not what you’ve done,
Nothing can save you,
Because nothing is fun.
Simple pleasures,
Are not enough,
The desire to stop,
Overwhelming your thoughts.
You can finally see,
Into others lives,
But you feel empty,
For none make you feel alive.
Death is not an option,
Because you know,
What it will do,
To those who love you.
But then you think,
“Is that anyone at all”,
And your words echo endlessly,
Down the hall.
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Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2007 8:24 pm
It's good, but some of the lines are a little clunky because you try to put too many words in one line. Try rephrasing some of the lines or omitting some words to make it flow smoothly.
More so, since it's written in quatrains, maybe you should think about putting stanzas (paragraphs) in it to help the reader out a little more.
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Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2007 9:49 pm
I really liked it. Some lines did seem a little.. full. But that's okay. You definately got your point across, and it was good! biggrin
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 6:53 am
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Reply
