Welcome to Gaia! ::

This is going to sound kinda weird at first, but hear me out.


When I was in kindergarden, I stated notcing the opposite sex, there was this kid I liked, his name was Mike. Of course, you know how childhood love is; Pushing them off the swings, teasing them, etc. I would constantly pull him over to me and hug me and stuff. He was like "eww, get away from me."

Then one day, when we went on a field trip, we were in a planetarium and the teacher made him sit next to me. when the lights went out, he picked up my hand and started kissing it. Of course, we were both 5 and stuff, but that was my first crush, and it was a doozy of a big one. So since then, me and him were considered "Boyfriend" and "girlfriend". Yes, I know, it is a childhood, kindegarden thing.

It was like that till I was 8 and I moved away. And for a year or so, I would cry alot and I missed him alot.





Now I am 16. Me and my best friend were talking about our first crushes. I mention him and the room got dead quiet, her and her sister stared at me as if I had a tumor growing rapidly on my face. They said "OH MY GOD!! WE KNOW HIM!!" They showed me his myspace. So I requested him. He had alot of pics of him and his girlfriend up there and all. He started talking to me and he mentioned how we used to pass notes telling eachother we loved eachother and all. He also said he moved to jersey and he moving back to my city and we should hang.



The weird thing is, is he transferred to my school. And My best freind and me were walking down the hallway, and she saw him, she pulled him over and we talked to him for a minute. When I saw him, my stomach felt him it collasped through my butt. I never felt that feeling before, it was a good, but kind of painful feeling. I only saw him a couple times since he's been here, and I don't talk to him on the internet like I used to, but I am starting to really like him. and on a comment his GF posted, apologizing for something, saying she hopes he won't break up with her, I got a huge smile on my face. If he broke up with her, I would be so happy. I feel horrible that I feel this way, I feel like a bad person, but I can't help it.





I dunno what I am expecting but writing this, I prolly just want to vent it out or something, but does anyone have any advice?

I'd tread carefully with this, because it seems like you're more in love with the idea of being in love. Like how much have you really talked to this guy since you were 8? Seeing him a couple times in the hallway and passing back emails a few times is really all the contact you've had with him? Only advice I'd have is to get to know him a lot better before you start getting wrapped up in a fantasy.

I think I agree with you on the "In love with the idea of being in love" thing.

I have to agree that you may be more in love with a memory than who he is now. People can (and do) change a great deal between five and sixteen.

My recommendation is to just keep the flirty and "I love yous" to yourself for now. Let his relationship with his girlfriend work out however they decide without your interference. In the meantime, you can be his friend. Talk to him, get to know him for who he is now. Figure out if he's even someone you want to be with now.

Most importantly, remember your age. At 16, most of us are dying to be in love, disney love, fairy tale love. We're surrounded by images of love and we wanted it so badly. Hormones don't help at all. So just be conscious of that and try not to do anything that you might regret in more sober years (such as eloping to Las Vegas before you've even had a conversation with him that wasn't about whether Barbies could fit into toy trucks).

EDIT: AAH! I need to check dates. It's been a whole month!