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Some song I wrote... Comments please!

What'd you give my song 1 through 5?

[ 0 ]

71%

[ 5 ]

28%

[ 2 ]

[ 0 ]

Total Votes : 7

JenetteBlack

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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 6:27 pm

Travelin' Heart

I remember her as the girl
Without a care in the world
The thought of boys never even crossed her mind
But then she looked up to see
All the boys beggin' down on their knees
So she followed them and left her true friends behind

And she was just the girl with the travelin' heart
Gave it away
To boys comin' her way
She never even thought that they would tear it apart
Thought they would stay
Be with her every day
Yeah, her travelin' heart

Now six months have past by
I'm gettin' used to seein' her cry
After boys stomped on her heart and broke it in two
I wish I had the guts to say
That I really miss her old ways
When she stayed with her friends, and stayed true

And she was just the girl with the travelin' heart
Gave it away
To boys comin' her way
She never even thought that they would tear it apart
Thought they would stay
Be with her every day
Yeah, her travelin' heart

I only wish she could see
What she is doin' to me
She is breakin' me down
Turin' my whole life around
I wish she'd turn back
To the life that she used to know

I wish she'd give me a chance
To show the wrongs of romance
To show her how she's gone wrong
I've been with her all along
I wish I could stop
All the pain that she's going through
Yeah

But she was just the girl with the travelin' heart
Gave it away
To boys comin' her way
She never even thought that they would tear it apart
Thought they would stay
Be with her every day
Yeah, her travelin' heart

Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 1:13 am

It's a good song. It's repeative but most songs are. You were going on and off again with a rhyming scheme. It could just be accidental rhyming but I just wanted to point out that it is there. The idea behind is pretty good, if you want to turn this in to a song completely you might want to think about pitch, the type of music, and the tempo a bit. If that wasn't what you meant then you might want to put poem down next time so people like me don't get confused, but then again I get confused a lot.

ghost_kitten

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Jehosaphat
Crew

Offline

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 3:11 am

Yeah, um, as subforum mod, I feel I have to post, but I would just say the same thing as Catghost over there.

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