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Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 11:53 pm
This is an actual job application (so I'm told) that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny....
WAL-MART APPLICATION
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy b*****d)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever is available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place?
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers ClearingmHouse Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE:....7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. ***Old People Rock! ***
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Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 1:54 am
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Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 10:09 am
You have to have a sense of humor sometimes. rofl
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Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 10:14 am
Can't wait to be this old and ornery. rofl I plan on being the little old lady in her wheelchair who bootie checks all the hot male nurses. blaugh
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Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 10:11 pm
ahhhh....my goals in life include:
Running a petting farm in the neighborhood...
Then becomeing the crazy cat lady that no one likes....
But really I love that application it makes me laugh everytime ^_^
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Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 1:00 am
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Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 4:17 am
WhoGuru Can't wait to be this old and ornery. rofl I plan on being the little old lady in her wheelchair who bootie checks all the hot male nurses. blaugh lol. rofl
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Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 1:17 pm
WhoGuru SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) Best answer EVER.
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Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 8:49 am
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Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:27 pm
Aye, saw this a few years ago.
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Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:34 pm
Seeress WhoGuru SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) Best answer EVER. A former older teacher of mine had to fill out a questionaire for the principal because he was nominated to win some sort of teaching award, and his answer to "Sex" was "Yes, please." I love it when senses of humor get ripened with age. 3nodding
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Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 9:06 pm
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Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:31 am
The best part of being old is not giving a damn what people think and telling it like it is. My daughter nearly peed in her pants listening to her grandmum talk about sex at 70. It was an interesting conversation and not what I'd expect from my o' so conservative mum who wouldn't let us girls wear bikins when we were young because she said we'd look like whores. Now that I'm older she feels the need to just speak her mind and tell me like it is. rofl
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