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She dreams.....

Well first off I have to say that honestly before I clicked the "post" button I started crying. I am going through much the same thing as you.

My childhood was not one I would wish on anyone. My parents split at my birth because my grandmother didn't like my father. I lived with my mother and a step dad who beat my mother and abused me until I was three and my father got cutody of me. My father is a control freak who lives through his kids to attain the life my grandfather never let him have. I visited my mother every other weekend and witnessed men come and go, come and go. i thought she was just searching. My 16th birthday I came to the cruel reality that every man my mother has been with beat her. Every single one. My father included. She hated men, with right reason. Then she met a man by the name of Alfred Wills. He was a great guy. A DJ. a very great guy. While I was there. Every time I came to visit I had the best of times. I told my mom that too. She was happy to hear it, happier then I have ever seen her. Not long after that they got married and I was the best man. Can you believe it? Me in a tux. Anyways. Prom night of my Junior year I got a call from my uncle, he told me that he was coming to get me and he wouldn't tell me why until he got there. When I got into his car he told me that Alfred had beaten my mother within an inch of her life and left her to die. Luckily my uncle had come to visit and found her. I rushed to the hospital by her side and she told me everything. She told me that he was abusive from the start. She only stayed with him because I told her that I was happy for her. She didn't want to dissapoint me. I watched as my mother laid in bed , battered and beaten, and it was all my fault.


Since then I have had nightmares. Nightmares of the events taking place as if I was there. As if i was there and something was holding me back from helping my mother. I get them every time I sleep. The few times I am lucky enough not to get them is when I only have afew hours of sleep. so needless to say I am scared to. i don't like to sleeep and the thought of having to scares me. So you see I can relate.

please excuse any errors. I cannot type well when my vision is cloudy from tears.

Oh, Voodoo, I would give you a hug if I could. It wasn't your fault. It's not your fault. She only wants you to be happy, because you are her child and she loves you.

Remember that it was her decision, not yours. It was not your fault. You had no idea, because you always enjoyed yourself there. This was beyond your control; don't tear yourself apart, because you had no idea. It was her decision alone to stay with him, not yours.

You are truly blessed - your mother survived, and she is safe from that man Alfred, who was possibly worse than all the others because he tricked you. Both you and her have angels watching over you, I'm sure of it.

I wish you the best of blessings in this. I will pray for you tonight - that somenight soon, you will dream happily again, and awaken with a smile.

One of my worst nightmares that has been reoccurring I remember since I was 4 is this thing where I am in a room and everything is just gears moving just that, I'm all alone, nothing but me and the gears and I hear clank, clank, clank. It's sounds weird I know, but the dream, it's just so scary.