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 Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 11:56 am
((Note: I have Low-Tolerance for loud noises. And Low-Tolerance and am extremely sensative. )) My dad keeps yelling at me.. No matter what I do. Good, or bad. And keeps screaming "You just WANT to be taken away don't you? You just want [insert Case Manager name here.] to take you back to court, DONT YOU! You just WANT to go to Jail DON'T YOU!!! " Or like.. well.. I was drinking last night...and .. "Relapsing" again.
And my dad's all "SO GONNA GO INTO SCHOOL TOMORROW? OR ONLY FURTHER COMPOUND THE SITUATION? " and I said "I don't know, depends on if I puke or not. " and he's like "WHY? BEEN DRINKIN s**t YOU SHOULDN'T BE! " and then he has the mother ******** balls to look at me and go "What's wrong?" when I Start to cry, but then get all angry. [It takes. A ******** lot. To make me cry.]
So I went up to my room, cranked up "Riot" by Three Days Grace, and began hurling glass bottles and Plates at my walls. Getting cut up in the process, but I didn't give a damn anymore. I had like. Two cigarettes left, and a whole pack of Razors. It was gonna be a hell of an interesting night.
I ended up cutting a chunk out of my thigh, sort of, with my razors. When I ran out of Dishes and bottles to smash. Though, thankfully, my friend called me and managed to calm me down quite a bit. It just got worse when he said 'call you right back. ___ needs the phone.' and never came back. . .
Nothing I do is good enough for him.
Even when I DO go to school, he still screams at me.
He tells me to cut myself, so I do it. [He'll go "THATS RIGHT. CUT YOURSELF. SEE WHAT IT GETS YOU" Last time he said that, I ended cutting my arm up over 72 times. < Lost count after that because they criss-crossed so much.> ]
So mostly what I do now, is I go online when he's not home. And then as soon as he comes home. I'll tell whoever I'm talking to, to call me, and Go hide up in my room ... and I feel so.. disgusted with myself. That I have to hide like a ******** animal..
And like, he knows I don't know how to cook ANYTHING, right? not even eggs.
And so for the last like.. 5 nights, I've been having donuts and pickles for dinner. The only meal I eat. -sigh-
Because I'll ask him to make something,
and he'll just keep playing his stupid FF 12 game and be all "Just Forge" ... -_-
Part of me wants to just give up and off myself.
But I know I can't. And I won't. I'm staying alive, for 5 men, and a dream.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
When I try to talk to him. He Denies being anything but a great father.
My tolerance for loud noises is extremely low.
And him making me think I'm going to get taken away every ******** second, is making me go CRAZY. I hit my walls to the point where my knuckles are bruised, cut up, swollen. I yell into my pillow, I cut, I cry, I freak out, Can't sleep at all..
Just to find out over the next few days, that nothing like that is happening.
...God, I want. .to just.. I don't ..
I don't know what to do anymore.
How can I talk to someone who won't even listen to me or realize what he's doing?
Is it possible for this to change before I move out in a year, a month, and a few weeks? [Birthday being march 14th. 18th birthday being in 2008. ]
..Is there ANYTHING I CAN do?. . D:
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Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 12:33 pm
Has he always been like this? By the sounds of it he doesnt care for you very much. What I would do in your situation(which I tried to do because I had almost the exact same scenario but I waited too long to do it >.>) is go to court and file for emmancipation. Of course it would be nice if you had someplace else to go after you are emmancipated(which is basically being an adult. Your own guardian) like a friends or so. And a job. That's a must. You could even work full time I guess and pay for your own place although there are government thingies that help you. The government could get you a very low rent place based on your income and such. And foodstamps. They help out ALOT. I think you at least finding someplace else to go would be better. =/
If you need someone else to talk to, that's been thorugh the same thing, feel free to PM me.
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Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 2:52 pm
No, he hasn't .. Just. . for the last few months It's been extremely horrible.. .
I don't know why. .
Oh, I WANT To file for Emancipation. I would love. NOTHING. MORE.
Because once I can Legally Move out, I'm moving in with my Boyfriend.
Who. Would love NOTHING MORE than to have me out there this very instant with him.
But here, I have no Job. I can't get a License to drive, so I can't GET TO A JOB. [I like like...16 miles away from the nearest place that would hire for a teenager. The only local places around my house are Bars and Gas Stations....]
Plus. I'm Failing High School. I should have 16 credits, or so. Since I'm supposed to be a junior. . . I have ONE credit. I'm planning to drop out of HS and get my GED.. [Another reason I'm unable to go and get Emancipated. I still have to Attend School. And I wouldn't be able to.
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Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 3:38 pm
Little Labled Princess No, he hasn't .. Just. . for the last few months It's been extremely horrible.. .
I don't know why. .
Oh, I WANT To file for Emancipation. I would love. NOTHING. MORE.
Because once I can Legally Move out, I'm moving in with my Boyfriend.
Who. Would love NOTHING MORE than to have me out there this very instant with him.
But here, I have no Job. I can't get a License to drive, so I can't GET TO A JOB. [I like like...16 miles away from the nearest place that would hire for a teenager. The only local places around my house are Bars and Gas Stations....]
Plus. I'm Failing High School. I should have 16 credits, or so. Since I'm supposed to be a junior. . . I have ONE credit. I'm planning to drop out of HS and get my GED.. [Another reason I'm unable to go and get Emancipated. I still have to Attend School. And I wouldn't be able to. The GED is EXTREMELY easy. I took it because the school screwed me over and I was pregnant my senior year. Since youre 17 your dad could give you "permission" and you could go live wiht him anyways until you were able to get your license, get a job, and become emacipated. I hope everything goes easy for you =3. Worst comes to worse you could call child services and you could go live with foster parents until you either turned 18 or became emancipated.
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Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 8:16 pm
I don't want to live with foster parents, though. That's the thing.
I Have entire freedom here.
I don't HAVE to go to school. [Like, if It wasn't for my stupid a** "Supervision" ..I wouldn't have to. ] and like. . yeah.. =(
I get to stay up as late as I want. Or go days without sleep.
I eat what I want, When I want.
I watch what I want.
Dress however I want.
Read what I want.
Listen to what I want.
But all of those come at the price of living with a jerk.
After supervision is ended, I don't think my dad would let me go.
My boyfriend is supposed to be flying me out there after my supervision is over for a one-week stay with him in his house.. but.. yeah..
That's about all I think I'm getting out of my dad..
crying
I know the GED is easy.
I plan on getting it when I go live with my boyfriend.
Enroll in the same adult-schooling-program he is in.. basically. ^ ^;
I just.. I don't know what to do.. my dad is taking his stress out on me, and making me go ballistic. D:
-Sigh-
And THEN he's all happy for ONCE, and why? Because him and his uber-religious-up-the-rear girlfriend want to FORMALLY COURT by the Baptist rules. And Courting has to lead to marriage.. ....yeahhhh.. . -Sigh-
... Just .. -Sigh- .. D : I feel like winnie the pooh, I just wanna say "..oh..bother.. " D=
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Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 12:33 pm
But recently I've began to throw dishes around..
Dad noticed, though.. Heh..
..My Case Manager came to talk to us today, right?
My Case Manager asked my dad if I would become Violent.
And the little b***h said yes. o_O
SO
Two Cops came ALONG with my case manager.
One, being the toughest dyke-cop in my town. Who literally hurled my 370 pound friend onto a chair, and screamed "IF YOU MAKE ONE MOVE I'LL HAUL YOUR a** AWAY QUICKER THAN YOU CAN SNAP YOUR DAMN FINGERS!" AND She REMEMBERED ME D:
So she kept giving me This really, really dirty glare. And my case manager was all asking if I was suicidal and s**t and I'm like "uh, no. " And he's like "Well I'm afraid that you've resorted back to the carving, have you?" and I'm like "uh, not recently. ." and dad ******** peeps in "YEAH RIGHT" so I lifted my sleeve and s**t. Then My dad then goes "YEAH CUZ YOU WERE CUTTIN ON YOUR THIGH!" So I'm like "FINE, HERE!" and so I hiked up my skirt to show my thigh. I'm pretty sure they saw some s**t they didn't want to.
I felt like I was on a bad episode of cops :'(
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Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 8:17 pm
I hate to say this, but reading that made me feel better.
I don't mean I enjoy your suffering, just that I have it pretty damn bad out here, but not that bad.
So at the same time I feel bad for thinking that way, but...
At least you have a short way to go. You have friends who care.
Friends are the only thing that can get me through at times.
I don't really cut myself (mostly because we only have dull knives and razorblades are unaccessable to me) and I can't express my anger because only my step-dad is allowed to have opinions or negative emotions.. He has a lot of both..
I really wish I had some real advice for you.
But if you're like me, just having someone aware of what's going on in your life is enough to make you feel at least a little better. Works for me heart
Hope things get better-fast!
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Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 8:47 pm
I don't really have friends IRL, I Have maybe one. and not even that much of a 'friend'
All my friends are online. But one is coming to visit me, and might move here, so I have a real friend. His name is Kaori.. he's such a nice guy. .makes me cry sometimes, he's so sweet. .
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Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 9:27 pm
Well, a friend like him is better than no friend at all.
Just having a reason to live is effing awesome biggrin
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