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 Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 10:25 am
Beyond Today
Life is a clouded maze,
Engulfed to the brim.
Obscured by fog and haze,
Never can you see over the rim.
Of the ever tall walls that surround and trace,
All living things, so small and thin.
And then they die, without a face,
Compared to the rest, so insignificant.
Life, it flickers light for a second,
Sparkling in a brilliant shower of colors.
So bright, it makes you reckon,
That everything is okay, despite the others.
Then the second is over,
Completely engulfed by suffering and pain.
No longer happy, now just sober,
Then the tears will fall, driving you insane.
Even though the joy is gone,
And all but deteriorated.
Life is still there, to a close not yet drawn,
But all the point in life has disintegrated.
So still you keep marching on,
And attempt to hold back the sorrow.
Keeping an eye out for the dawn,
For there always is tomorrow.
-bloodXalchemist ♫
Critique please?
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Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 6:36 pm
I like the rhyming. All quite original. The theme of the poem is really good. I lurves it heart I particularly like the line, "And then they die, without a face" ^^; It just really stands out to me. The way that the last verse sums up and ties together the rest of the poem is quite lovely too 3nodding
Overall, I like it a lot.
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Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 12:05 pm
x__deadsoul I like the rhyming. All quite original. The theme of the poem is really good. I lurves it heart I particularly like the line, "And then they die, without a face" ^^; It just really stands out to me. The way that the last verse sums up and ties together the rest of the poem is quite lovely too 3nodding
Overall, I like it a lot. Thank you! ^-^
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