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 Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 7:35 pm
I’ve fought for so long
To fix this shattered mess
I tried to be strong
But you tried much less.
I don’t’ know what happened
Or why it didn’t last
But it seems we’ve reached the end,
Sadly, much too fast.
I never thought I’d see the day
I didn’t know my own best friend.
It kills me now, to turn away.
But here and now, we cannot mend.
The times we laughed, the tears we cried
Are now a distant past
Like roses in a book are dried
A friendship withered fast.
A photo album in my mind
Is all I’m left with now.
I flip the pages, trying to find
The point where we went down.
To dwell on this pain
Will help me no more.
Though tears fall like rain
Nothing’s left to cry for.
Like a fast-setting sun
We’ve faded to black.
All’s been said and done.
It can’t be brought back.
No strength is left in me
To quarrel with fate.
I’m forced to set free
Hope we’d conciliate.
So this is my last
The final goodbye.
As a friendship, now past
Has gone gravely awry
Written to my now former best friend. I haven't decided if I'm actually going to let her read it or not. I just don't think anything could truly show her what I'm feeling. This poem was the closest I could come.
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Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 8:31 am
Loosing best friends is hard no matter how much of an a*****e they've become.
I wouldnt ask you to express exactly what your feeling, but i would ask you to try your best if i hadnt already seen it. Terrific Job biggrin
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Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 3:38 pm
If I could ask, I'd also like as much feedback as possible on this one, as it may be going into that contest also.
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Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 6:20 pm
I’ve fought for so long
To fix this shattered mess
I tried to be strong
But you tried much less.
Beginning's a good concept, but the wording is a little shaky. Try spicing it up a little. Dramatize it.
I've fought my heart out for so long,
to fix this shattered mess,
I withered my soul trying to be strong,
but you seem to suffer less.
**changes made in bold.
I don’t’ know what has happened
Or why it didn’t last
But it seems we’ve finally reached the end, *needs another syllable
Sadly, much too fast.
I never thought I’d see the day
I didn’t know my friend. *too many syllables.
It kills me now, to turn away.
But this time we cannot mend. *Too many "nows"
The times we laughed, the tears we cried
Are now far in the past
Like roses in a book are dried
Our friendship withered fast.
A photo album in my mind,
Is all I have of you.
I flip the pages, trying to find
Old pictures, memories, too. *shaky words
To dwell on this horrendous pain *needs some more syllables
Will never help us now.
And though my tears might fall like rain
Nothing’s left to cry for.
Like the quickly-setting sun
We’ve faded into black.
Everything’s been said and done.
We cannot buy it back.
No ounce of strength is left within me
To quarrel with our fate.
I’m forced to finally set it free,
The hope thatwe’d conciliate.
So this is my last, my final goodbye.
As our friendship, now far in the past has gone so gravely awry.
///End of being a harsh fussy critic. Don't hurt me? sweatdrop
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