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New poem - please read/critique it

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Sequoia-Dryad

PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 7:13 pm


I'm not really a poet, but I ended up writing this poem. I would really appreciate some comments on it. Thanks biggrin

Time flows onward
A river in space
Swift, never slowing
Each current is the same
Different only in goals
I glide on this river
On a raft just for me
Independent of others
All on this same river
Never knowing their goals
The currents of time
Flow on through space
Each carrying a person
Never more, never less
At some points in the river,
The currents flow close
And the people they carry
Talk a little of themselves
Sometimes they try
To push each other away
Against the currents’ strength
They are each destined to ride
Yet others cling on
Desperate to remain together
With friends they have now made
But no matter the struggle
These people make
No matter what they say
The river moves onward
And the currents never change
As the river flows on
Some currents split apart
Causing clusters to split
Against the friends’ wills
And though some people try
To keep talking to each other
The currents take them elsewhere
The friends drift apart
No matter what happens
To these friends once close
The river continues
Time flows onward
PostPosted: Fri Feb 02, 2007 9:11 pm


i loves it, very good smile

daphyroxxazz

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Sequoia-Dryad

PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 6:37 pm


Thanks for reading biggrin
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