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 Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 1:38 pm
I never saw it.
When did you bend too much?
Why did you break?
I guess it was never meant to be.
But I've lost you now.
You're gone.
I'll see you when you visit.
But we all know it's not the same.
Hear that crying?
That's your daughter...
Her heart is broken,
she doesn't understand.
Hear that silence?
It's lingering upstairs,
in a room off in the corner.
That's your eldest...
She is hurting inside,
she understands all too well.
That's me.
You and her have survived once,
but I guess this is it.
You'll be moving,
you left today.
Leaving us behind.
10 years of marriage,
13 years of a life,
7 years of raising your own.
All gone now.
You wiped away my tears,
as I cried scared to tell mom.
I love you, did I ever tell you?
Did you know that I wanted you,
to walk me down the aisle?
Did you know...
that you sometimes mean more
than my birth father?
I always valued your opinion.
You kept me safe.
You encouraged me.
I never heard you yell.
And now, you're gone.
And we all know...
things will never be the same.
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Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 7:01 pm
That's so sad! crying Is everyone trying to make me cry today?
I really felt the emotion in this piece. It made me think, and that's something a good writer can do. Make the reader think, long after they've finished reading the words.
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Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 5:19 am
shadow_wolf3173 That's so sad! crying Is everyone trying to make me cry today? I really felt the emotion in this piece. It made me think, and that's something a good writer can do. Make the reader think, long after they've finished reading the words. I agree. There wasnt ever a good artist that doesn't make its appreciators think.
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Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 6:34 pm
I never saw it.
When did you bend too much?
Why did you break?
I guess it was never meant to be.
But I've lose you now.
You're gone.
Only problem I saw was that tense. Try "lost." It was beautiful, though, really. Nice job! 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 1:12 pm
Voxxx I never saw it. When did you bend too much? Why did you break? I guess it was never meant to be. But I've lose you now. You're gone. Only problem I saw was that tense. Try "lost." It was beautiful, though, really. Nice job! 3nodding Ack! Thank you so much, I didn't notice that. And thank you for the beautiful praise.
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Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 3:36 pm
Aww...
There were some really good allusions in there, and I especially liked the contrast between the crying younger child and the silent elder.
But now, !!!Grammar Nazi alert!!!
That's me.
You and her have survived once,
but I guess this is it.
Technically, that should be "she".
If you're unsure why, I'll explain, if not, I won't.
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