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 Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2007 12:17 am
For those of you who read the part I of this topic--be prepared to go "WHAT THE HELL GIRL!!!"
For those of you who thought I was sane: well, there's no real reasoning behind that...
Things got slightly patched up between the guy and me--we started talking again over the summer and the beginning of the school year and last Friday he invited me to an all-night LAN at his house, along with about 12 other people. Things were going fine all night long: we laughed at Snakes on a Plane, played Star Trek: Armada, and nearly fell asleep during Clerks II. At this point it was around 7 in the morning; people were either asleep, playing WoW, or looking for their car keys to go home. After the last female there completed the last task and walked out the door (he had helped her find her jacket), he came down and sat next to me. I was really tired so I put my head on his shoulder. After about thirty seconds of just sitting there breathing, he suddenly sighs and says:
"So...are we going to consider this two friends messing around or something deeper?"
I was so caught off-guard I didn't know what to say...I guess he took that as an answer because two seconds later he was trying to shove his tongue down my throat...and I was kissing him back. People were sleeping in that room so he grabbed my hand and led me to a back room and...you know what probably followed. Once again, no intercourse--I'm still virginal.
Still....I wonder if I should have even done what I did do. I think he just considers it two friends who needed something to do and hey! they were opposite genders! I'm so confused because I had promised to myself to love him from afar and I was getting over him slowly...now all the old feelings are rushing back and if this continues I don't want to ruin it again!
Worse: what should I do if he wants to continue it? Or if he pretends it never happened?! Little lamb lost in the woods. Am I a bad person or just a person who made a bad decision? I don't know what to think of myself anymore!
And I can't tell anyone about this here because they all know him, most know our brief history, and the fact that it was at a sleep-over will...I'm afraid they'll think of me as a tramp. This has only ever happened once and it has only been with him. I'm generally the girl who guys don't want and that makes me feel all the more that I'm just being used because it's assumed that I'm lonely or something.
Please talk me down guys--I don't know where to turn!
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Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 7:31 pm
Ok.
1) You are NOT a tramp. Just because you fooled around with an ex that you still like doesn't make you a tramp. Now, if you did this all the time with random guys then, yes, you would be a tramp. But you don't, so get that idea out of your head love.
2) Talk to him! I know it sounds SO cliché but it works, honestly, it really does. Ask him straight up, "Where are we? What did the other night/morning mean?". The worst is that he'll say he only wants to fool around, right?
3) It's perfectly natural for you feelings to come flooding back! Hell, when I started seeing my ex more I felt the exact same as you are! I wasn't over him yet and it just made it worse when I was hanging around him more often. It's ok to feel! Lol. Just go with, but make sure that if he does want things to go deeper you really know what you want.
4) You are NOT a bad person. You are just a normal teen with normal feelings.
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Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 1:14 am
As Raeshi Yatsura said, talk to him. I didn't read the first part of this topic so I don't know what happened before but yea, just talk. And your not a tramp! *huggles*
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Posted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 5:14 pm
I agree whole-heartedly with Raeshi Yatsura. I would have posted sooner, but I didn't know how to put into words what I was thinking. Raeshi Yatsura did it perfectly (thank you!!) heart
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