My poem, rate it please!! | Page 1 | Alternate Dimensions | Guild Forums

Oria Allyahan

Offline

Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 12:16 pm

I don't consider myself a poet, but there are times when the muse inspires me and I write some stuff, this is of my first poems I wrote, please rate it.Thanks^_^

Love hurts, it can be painful,
and even treacherous at times.
Here I am in love again, but
with who am I inlove with?
with him or with myself?

Love hurts, it can be painful,
and even treacherous at times.
When I am so close of reaching it,
it flows out of my hands
like the winter breeze.

Love, such a woderful yet mysterious feeling,
what things it can do to you.
Sometimes it drives us to the edge of insanity.

Love, so many words exist and
yet none can describe what it really is,
Love, it enchants me yet it terifies me,
what could be the reason to feel this way?

Love, when obtained, it can bring much happiness
yet, if you don't, it can bring much sorow as well.

Love, separated by a very thin line from hate...

Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:28 pm

It's pretty good although there are some rough parts to it. 7/10
There is a consistent idea or subject (love) but you get off track sometimes and when you try to go back to your original subject it creates a few bumps.

For example:

...Here I am in love again, but
with who am I inlove with?
with him or with myself?

Love hurts, it can be painful,
and even treacherous at times....

the transition there is rough. perhaps you could add on another stanza to tie them together.

the poem is good overall but I think it has the potential of being something amazing. ^^

EDIT: Geez, I sound like in my creative writing class sweatdrop

LaurelinRe

10,875 Points

100
200
100

Offline

daphyroxxazz

Chatty Exhibitionist

9,350 Points

200
200
100

Offline

Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 7:25 pm

beautiful

thank you so much for sharing smile

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 12:40 pm

LaurelinRe

It's pretty good although there are some rough parts to it. 7/10
There is a consistent idea or subject (love) but you get off track sometimes and when you try to go back to your original subject it creates a few bumps.

For example:

...Here I am in love again, but
with who am I inlove with?
with him or with myself?

Love hurts, it can be painful,
and even treacherous at times....

the transition there is rough. perhaps you could add on another stanza to tie them together.

the poem is good overall but I think it has the potential of being something amazing. ^^

EDIT: Geez, I sound like in my creative writing class sweatdrop

thanks a lot!! Every bit helps me to be better thanks^_^

Oria Allyahan

Offline

Sonne_Morgenstern

Offline

Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 7:52 am

7/10

Welcome to Gaia! ::

Gaia Guilds

The Too Awesome For A Name Guild

Quick Reply

More Information