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This is what I can't explain. Reds and blues all at once. I feel hot then suddenly cold, unknowing of what to do then knowing exactly what to do, though never doing it before. I can barley breath, then air fills my begging lungs. It came and went, my mind unsure, some how wanting it one more time. I know it was special, but even though I wanted more, I know full well to cherish it. I know what I say, but do you? You don't know the Truth do you? Its' not true love or true love's kiss. Instead it’s something greater than love,
Greater than happiness really.

I posted this in my journal but I dont know how many people acctually read it so here ya go.

This is true because it happened to me.
Its true, I don't care about if you think its true or not. Thats your misguided opinion.




The day you left my heart wasnt torn or crush, only turned upside down and inside out.
I loved you and you loved me, but because of someone else you were forced to leave. We were so young but we knew each other well. You were my only friend and I trusted you.
Tears streaked my face that day you left.

Its been 5 years and I still cant find you.

My friend invited me; her and her mom. We were happy going together to a game, just to have fun.
There was fun and laughter.
But none of it was like when I saw you; only ecstasy. You were there, at the basketball court, your hair still red and your eyes still soft, yet bold. You changed and grew, but stayed the same way.
We walked out side, talking about how much has changed and how much we missed each other. Then my dad came and said we were leaving. When I turned to ask you a little question, you were walking away; angered.

It was just a dream. You werent really there. All something my mind made up in lack of sight. I tried to forget, then you subconsciously burned your image; sending a wild fire in my mind. I couldnt stop thinking about your face and then the question I wanted to ask you, forgotten forever. I wont even remember. Till I meet you again. I promised my self I wouldnt cry, just a tear or two, lying to myself for being emotional. You left, I should care anymore.
Thats the worst lie I ever told.

I searched endlessly only to end up empty handed. No one at school remembered you; no one had your number. No one knew who I was talking about. They thought I imagined the whole thing up, and thought I was crazy.Insane. Mental even. No one knew.

Months later, still trying to forget, only to be fooled; this time I was conscious. I was happy when he said he was you, and told me my name. My whole body was shaking I was so happy. I thought I finally found you. Thanking the Lord I praised him while talking to you. Then he said he couldnt take it and he wasnt my friend. He admitted he lied, but how he knew who you were and who I was; I couldnt sleep. Tears stained my cheeks again. Now I am begging him to tell me who he is. He wont reply but I still urge him to.

Now once again I cant stop thinking about you. You're my secret, my heart. You took everything that meant love to me and destroyed it, but it isnt your fault, it was the kid who beat you and your parents fault for taking you and leaving me! Did you want to leave? Do I haunt you like you haunt me?

I can't trust my heart, I don't believe in love. When you left without a say you took that with you. I want to see you, and remember everything about you. I want to hug you and let you see who I really am. I want to see who you are too. I miss you and Im desperate to find you. Every time I think about you my heart sinks because I still

I still love you, even after all these years.