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 Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 8:16 am
Okay guys. My dad and stepmom have been married for about two years now, and about a month ago we found out she was pregnant. This was accidental and not planned, and we have little money to support a baby as it is. She has already said that she is NOT getting an abortion. This is really bothering me so could someone PLEASE give some advice on dealing with this?
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Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 9:49 am
I'm not entirely sure what you're asking here. Deal how? What is the issue, with you or with their decision?
The bottom line in, if they have decided to have it, you're going to be a sibling. They are adults in a committed relationship and it's really not any of your say on whether they should or shouldn't have a baby. Accidents happen, even if things are tight, there are ways to happily live with the choice of having a baby. There are a lot of resources out there if finances are stretched.
Now, if you're asking how YOU deal with the emotions, I suppose that depends on your relationship with your father and your stepmother. Regardless, you are going to have a sibling and be part of their life. If your relations are strained with them, don't take it out on the baby. My stepson is a wonderful boy and my sons adore him. He is a blessing and I am so glad he is such a great brother to my sons, even if he's a good deal older than they are.
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Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 3:52 pm
Like Luna, I a bit confused what you're asking here, what exactly you need help 'dealing with.' As she already mentioned, you don't get a say in whether or not they choose to have a baby, as much as that may irritate you.
Something else you could do, if you're not sure how to handle what you're feeling and need someone to talk to, is to make use of a school conselor. Since you haven't mentioned having other siblings and your profile says you're 13, I'm sure it's a rather hard adjustment to go from being the only child for so many years to a big brother without much time to adjust.
Since you mentioned money is tight, are you afraid there won't be money for you anymore? Or perhaps even love and attention?
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Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 5:33 pm
Whether you like it or not, your father and your stepmother are individuals and the decision to have or not have a child is theirs and theirs ALONE. You get no say, nor should you have one.
Is money going to be tight? Possibly. But that's their call. You could be a good son and not ask for expensive toys, game systems, whatever for a while to help with the budget. But ultimately, your parents' finances are none of your business.
If they decide not to have the baby, be kind to your stepmom. She may need some emotional support. If they decide to have a baby, be happy! You get a sibling! You can support them as much as possible, perhaps you could offer to babysit so that they don't have to spend as much money on daycare and so forth.
An unhealthy way to deal with this situation would be to throw a hissy fit, tell your stepmom that you hate her and that she's ruined your life, get jealous of your sibling, and generally act negatively towards the new family your father is forming.
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Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 8:28 pm
There's a few more problems that I forgot to talk about.
1. My dad doesn't want this either.
2. My stepmom is highly addicted to a sleep medication called Ambien which is costing us thousands of dollars a month. She says that she can stop once this child is born, but both my dad and I find it highly unlikely.
3. I'm not concerned that much about how much attention I get. In fact, I'm the black sheep in my family.
4. I ask for very little as it is.
Well that pretty much sums it up, along with the stuff I posted earlier.
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Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 10:22 pm
fluffydeathpie94 There's a few more problems that I forgot to talk about. 1. My dad doesn't want this either. 2. My stepmom is highly addicted to a sleep medication called Ambien which is costing us thousands of dollars a month. She says that she can stop once this child is born, but both my dad and I find it highly unlikely. 3. I'm not concerned that much about how much attention I get. In fact, I'm the black sheep in my family. 4. I ask for very little as it is. Well that pretty much sums it up, along with the stuff I posted earlier. 1. So talk to your dad about it, and have HIM talk to your step-mom. They're married, after all. 2. Well then she needs to go to REHAB. And it doesn't matter if she stops when the baby is born, if she's pregnant, it has to stop NOW. Where's she getting the money? Your dad can give her an allowance, or ask to check all reciepts. It's childish, but she obviously has a serious problem. 3 and 4. Um, alright.
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Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2007 4:05 pm
I find your disregard for what she must be going through emotionally with your lack of support disturbing. You have absolutly no rights in this situation, grin and bear it because your acting like a child with complete disregard for what anyone else wants. Even if your father doesnt want this baby that is still there thing and you should stay out of it. If things get bad it is his right to leave the situation. As for the addiction to ambien I will have to call you on a lie on this one. I am on ambien....it costs 90$ for a month supply without insurance for the medication. So if she is spending that much on it she would be taking about 15 pills a day. So she is either about to die or she is in a coma. On top of that there are regualtions for medicines and i doubt her pharmacist would fill her prescription 11 times a month.
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Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2007 6:34 pm
First of all, she shouldn't be on things she doesn't truly need(such as ambien, which I've been on)because things like that are harmful to a child.
I like what Akhakhu said, though.
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 9:45 am
fluffydeathpie94 There's a few more problems that I forgot to talk about. 1. My dad doesn't want this either. 2. My stepmom is highly addicted to a sleep medication called Ambien which is costing us thousands of dollars a month. She says that she can stop once this child is born, but both my dad and I find it highly unlikely. 3. I'm not concerned that much about how much attention I get. In fact, I'm the black sheep in my family. 4. I ask for very little as it is. Well that pretty much sums it up, along with the stuff I posted earlier. she should stop taking that med NOW...not good for baby, and if shes an older woman over 35 chances are the baby could have some major problems, and belive me i know how you feel, my mom had a baby with her husband a couple years ago, when he was born i bounced i went off to school and i dont really know my little brother, he is cute tho, but i was upset when she told us she was pregnant...but i just left...thats how i dealt with it
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 4:21 pm
wotfan I find your disregard for what she must be going through emotionally with your lack of support disturbing. You have absolutly no rights in this situation, grin and bear it because your acting like a child with complete disregard for what anyone else wants. Even if your father doesnt want this baby that is still there thing and you should stay out of it. If things get bad it is his right to leave the situation. As for the addiction to ambien I will have to call you on a lie on this one. I am on ambien....it costs 90$ for a month supply without insurance for the medication. So if she is spending that much on it she would be taking about 15 pills a day. So she is either about to die or she is in a coma. On top of that there are regualtions for medicines and i doubt her pharmacist would fill her prescription 11 times a month. Believe what you want, but I'm not lying about her sleep problems or the amount of ambien she's taking. Why would I bother to do that? She's an addict, and addicts use more of the substance they're abusing the longer they use it. This is basic knowledge.
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