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 Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 10:51 am
Attitude. You can be in the same place physically, chronologically, financially and relationship-ly...but attitude plays a huge part.
If Mother A goes in thinking her child is great, that the 'bad parts' are just temporary situations to be overcome and worth the good that the baby is...she'll succeed a lot more. Being optimistic counts for a lot and certainly staves off things like postpartum depression a lot better.
If Mother B goes in feeling frustrated and resentful of the child, looks at those same 'bad parts' as this huge obsticle that she can't possibly overcome, that's there to punish her for some imagined wrong-doing, that her baby is the worst, most cranky or needy child ever...she's not going to do very well. Negativity doesn't get anyone anywhere. And it's likely to land the mother with pretty bad PPD.
It's certainly worth it to encourage her to seek out therapy and talk about why she's having a hard time. PPD isn't something that someone can just 'snap out of', it doesn't just go away one day. It really requires treatment and can become very serious and even deadly if left untreated.
Patience and love. My friend is having a hard time adjusting to motherhood to and it frustrates me and makes me worry but all you can do is stand by them as a friend and support them as much as possible for the sake of their child. Remember, even if/when you don't think your friend deseves the help....everything you do you do for their child.
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Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 6:36 am
I didnt read the whole forum here but one of my friends is 17 and she has a little baby boy that was born just recent...March 14th..He is a cute little boy and she takes care of him she is a great mother..However the other teen who got her pregnant is so not ready for a baby..I wont mention the age but well they were not together just like one time sex...Soo..yeah she has a bf though and he loves her and her little baby just like if he was the dad..and of course he isnt but he loves them alot..Some teens are mature for there age and when they have a baby they can take care of it and give bathes and everything but some who are still young and immature can become good parents too but some totally cant get the hang of being a mommy for a LONG time..and that effects the baby..Its sad when people get abortions..Its not even giving the baby a chance at life like that person has..Its just not right..Im very against it but anyways on the subject..Sometimes it just depends on how the person was raised..Or some just arent ready to be a mommy and give up the teenage life...Well thats what I think..Bye
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My friend we will call...E....she is pregnant...She is almost 18 and so is her bf but she is 5 months and her bf doesnt know because he is in the military..He joined up and left 2 weeks after they did "it"..She found out a few weeks later and couldnt tell him over the phone..She only has 4 months left and he will be back in 5-6 weeks..He graduated army bootcamp but before he got to go home he went to a training school to train on his job that he got so she hasnt told him and she is very scared but I know for sure they will be great parents. They are very mature..and love each alot..they will probally get married too so I hope all is well for them but sometimes for parenting if there is not a steady relationship some fall apart and have lots of trouble but some singles so great like my friend in the first writing up to...well bye
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Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 6:58 am
Your friend can be a really mature and responsible person, but some people have it more in their nature to 'parent' than others. I guess you have that more than your friend. Or it could be that your friend still has to build that up.
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Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 2:35 am
Okay, to answer the title question, nothing makes one teen more more likely to be a better parent than another. Same goes for any adult, though. It's more difficult for teens as it's been proven their brains don't work exactly the same as adults, and they're still in the process of figuring out who they are, and growing up.
Now, about your friend... she needs to know that children know when to stop eating. They also have small stomachs, so they need to eat more frequently than adults. Force-feeding your child can make them have a bad relationship with food, cause eating disorders, obesity, and makes it impossible for them to know when they're done. They need to eat because they're hungry, not because they 'should'.
Does her pediatrician say the child is underweight? If not, she doesn't need to be giving him anymore than HE wants. I'm really hoping she DOES take her child to a doctor frequently, and he's up-to-date on his shots.
If you're really concerned, and she'll listen, the best you can do is hang out with her, and just do things together. Initiate games with the kids and get her to join in. Show her that playing with your child is fun and rewarding. At snack time, let them eat as much as they want, and when her child stops, say, "Oh? Are you done? Okay!" and just take the food away. If the mom protests, just say something simple like, "Oh, he's done! It's okay, if he gets hungry in a little bit, he can have some more." A simple hint that it's okay if they don't eat a ton. It might also help to show her real child portions. You'd be amazed how small they really are. Present it in a way like, "Did you know a child's portion for drinks is only 4 oz? I didn't know that!" etc. That way, you're not making her look stupid, but you're still presenting her with much-needed information.
If there's nothing dirty in her home, and he doesn't have bruises or BAD diaper rash, there's nothing CPS can do, unfortunately.
Now, the breastfeeding debate. It actually is NOT recommended to stop breastfeeding at the age of one. It is recommended to stop bottles then because they're bad for the teeth, and children are then old enough to use sippy cups, which are much better. It is ENCOURAGED to breastfeed as long as you possibly can. A previous surgeon general stated, "It is the lucky child who nurses to age two." That's right, two. The LONGER you nurse, the better. Nursing is NOT bad for the formation of teeth, and actually helps develop mouth and tongue muscles.
Being a "spoiled brat" has absolutely NOTHING to do with whether a child was nursed or not. Extensively breastfed children tend to be CLOSER to their parents, but in no way does it make them needier, whinier, or brattier. That is horrible to even INSINUATE that. If you want any basis for clingier, it could be because women who work aren't going to breastfeed as long (pumping is so uncomfortable and WEIRD), and so their child spends more time with daycare providers or babysitters, and is therefore used to other people caring for them, whereas a woman who is a stay-at-home mom is provided with an easier time in nursing for longer, and if she's the main one with her child, the child is going to be more likely to be clingy to his mother. That is NOT a bad thing.
By the way, my son turns two at the end of this month and we're still nursing. Insinuating I'm turning him into a brat pisses me off, to be honest. I am doing what is best for his HEALTH, and it doesn't affect my parenting in any other situation.
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Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 7:47 pm
Uh....did someone say something bad about breastfeeding and I missed it?
cause...uh...whoa? eek
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Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 8:48 pm
Savina If you want any basis for clingier, it could be because women who work aren't going to breastfeed as long (pumping is so uncomfortable and WEIRD), and so their child spends more time with daycare providers or babysitters, and is therefore used to other people caring for them, whereas a woman who is a stay-at-home mom is provided with an easier time in nursing for longer, and if she's the main one with her child, the child is going to be more likely to be clingy to his mother. That is NOT a bad thing. Yeah, how did this turn into a BFing and working mothers debate?
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Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 2:05 am
lunashock Yeah, how did this turn into a BFing and working mothers debate? Oops, I got a little carried away. redface But my point was there is NO backing for someone to say a child needs to be weaned at 1, or that breastfeeding makes children spoiled brats.
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Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 5:46 pm
Nopenname Uh....did someone say something bad about breastfeeding and I missed it? cause...uh...whoa? eek Someone was talking about how a girl hadn't weened her child yet and that it was making him a brat. I got pissed and ranted about it a bit as well xp Kukushka Weaning is not a sign of success or failure. The longer a child breastfeeds, the better it actually his for the child (immune system) and for the mother (the more time a woman spends breast feeding in her life, the lower chance she has of getting breast cancer). Kukushka I don't really think that breastfeeding your child past one year is what causes them to be clingy and spoiled. I think the two are related, but it's not a cause and effect relationship. I think that the type of mother who tends to breastfeed her child longer is the type of mother who will keep her child around her longer in other ways. So in effect, both are symptoms of a problem, not problem and symptom. Just for an example, there are countries all over the world where it is the norm to breastfeed children for much longer than a single year. I can't imagine that everyone in those societies grows up to be spoiled and clingy. It's simply because the mothers who do that do it for reasons other than wanting a clingy child. Anyways, that's my 2 cents. I may well be wrong.
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Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 11:29 pm
Its so sad when children are brought up like that because later it might have an effect on the child. It sad to think that a mother could just ignore her child thought maybe its not her fault but still it is so sad crying
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Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2006 9:43 am
Well the reason I was asking why it was going on this breastfeeding tangent was because it seemed to be some pretty inflammatory statements made towards working mothers and those who didn't breastfeed.
Breastfeeding and working have nothing to do with what makes a good parent. Like with choosing to have your child, it's a choice parents have.
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Posted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 2:57 pm
lunashock Well the reason I was asking why it was going on this breastfeeding tangent was because it seemed to be some pretty inflammatory statements made towards working mothers and those who didn't breastfeed. Breastfeeding and working have nothing to do with what makes a good parent. Like with choosing to have your child, it's a choice parents have. I don't think anyone meant to imply that something was wrong with either breastfeeding or working. I certainly didn't. Quite the opposite, an attack was made against those who choose to breastfeed and we were defending the position. There's more than one way to raise a child. If it works, it works. That's all there is to it. It's no one's place to say "everyone who breastfeeds past the age of one is a bad parent" or "every mother who works is a bad parent."
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Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 2:13 am
I think what makes a teenager(or any person at any age)a fit parent is maturity and level-headed thinking.
It's not going to always go how you pictured it. The baby may or may not come out perfectly, no pain, and just beautiful. And your life may or may not be easy, which sometimes teens can't handle.
Mike's parents were in their 30's when Mike was born. He calls his parents by their first names and is not close to them really. Certainly not like I'm close to my mom who had me when she was 19-22(can't remember how old she is xP).
But that situation is a little....odd. Mike's dad became 'Mommy' because his mom spent all her time at work. She wouldn't get home till 8pm. To make up for it, she'd buy him toys because she felt guilty, which is such a horrible thing to do because it's showing that he isn't as important as her job(she wasn't working that much because they needed the money, either. She wasn't even getting paid for those four hours of overtime! The woman is nuts, I swear). Mike's dad became jealous early on because Mike's mom paid little or no attention to him so he abused Mike.
Even now that Mike is 19, their relationship is so ******** up(excuse my language but I have no other way to describe it).
My mom was young and right off my dad said he wasn't going to be a good father(he was right). She ended up raising my brother and I(twins)alone from the time we were two. She had no job and was home with us all day. My entire family helped out. We were spoiled by them but my mom spoiled us with attention and love. Although the situation was certainly not the best for her or us, she did a damn good job on raising my brother and I. Or at least, the best she could do with what she had.
Our relationship now is very close. I tell her everything(except that I'm pregnant now but I will tell her very soon. I have my reasons why I'm not saying anything)and we talk and spend as much time together as possible. Hell, until I moved, I'd still crawl in bed with her and cuddle! She's my mommy! We watched General Hospital together xd
So you see, it's not the age of the parents, it's the age in their head and how realistic they see the world. Everything is not bright, sunny days with smiling flowers. Sometimes the world is downright black.
As long as they see everything realistically and take proper precautions and care, anyone can be a good parent if they truly love their child and give them what they need, not always what they want and do what is best for them.
Yes, I'm saying that! Kids shouldn't get every little thing they want! I was raised that way and I'm a spoiled little brat(I can admit it, yes)! Give them what they need and give them what they want every so often. Don't over spoil but don't underspoil either. And don't spoil to make up for things(like Mike's mom)
Anyway, that's my opinion =D
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Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 12:08 pm
I had rather forgotten about this thread but to update you all on the situation with that particualr family..........
The girl and her husband are getting a divorce, she and her kids (2 boys now) moved in with a guy she met on the internet
Besides still obvious concerns for the well being of the children we are now worried (me, my husband, and the older boys godfather/dads best friend)
That the older boy might not be developing mentally like he should. It is hard to gage because every child is different and I dont actually interact with the child as they live a state away. It is all based on information that I have gathered from his godfather. He is just a few months younger than my son, and keep in mind mentally they should be the same because my son had a birth defect that slowed his development for several months
He barely speaks mostly squeal and grunts
He doesnt know his abc's or his #'s
He doesnt seem to comprehend manners
He doesnt comprehend his brother he seems to think he is a toy or an object not living.
He still eats like a baby he doesnt use silverware or anything
I dont know if that speaks of development problems or a lack of teaching the basics on the part of the parents.
Also note to savina I dont recall saying anything about breastfeeding. Just bottle feeding.
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Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 12:35 am
Maybe he has a problem? The only real way would be for the mother to go to a doctor.
Poor thing, that makes me cry, I feel so bad for him!
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