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Hrm... it seems no one has already listed what I am about to post. sweatdrop

I mainly had the thoughts because I wanted to see what happened after death. What it would really be like despite rumors and beliefs. The two things that kept me from doing it was the possibility that nothing would happen after death. -And the pain that my family and friends would go through. {I know I would definately be freaked out and depressed if someone I knew and loved commited such an act. So in such thought I assumed they would feel the same way, err... well I hope! XD}

^.^ Yeah, I was a bit hesitant of posting it for the same reason, but then I thought whatever, it's not like it dramaticly scar me or anything... whee

Thanks for the compliment about everyone here! ^_^

Believe it or not I used to be a cutter... I did quit though. There was a lot of emontional stuff going on with my life at that point. Cutting did help me vent quite a bit, but I don''t cut anymore, though I really don''t see anything wrong with it. I always avoided major arteries, and kept my wounds clean. I scratched the skin off my arms a lot more than I cut, which left some pretty big scars. My parents never knew though... they would''ve taken me to the hospital for it.

The reason I no longer cut/scratch though is because I don''t have any bottled up emotions like I did when I used to cut. Basically at the point when I cut a ton of stuff was going wrong with my life... so cutting/scratching was how I coped, yet I had severe depression at that point. I eventually realized that I couldn''t go on with starving myself, depriving myself of sleep, and having to hide my cuts all the time, so I tried some St. Johns Wort, which made me stable for a long enough period of time for me to sort out some of the things that were within my control. I''ve been pretty stable ever since then.

Personaly, I am suicidal. And mainly, its because I suffer from depression, but I really do think one of my biggest things would be my friends. Most of my friends that I've trusted for so long have stopped talking to me, therefor I feel left alone, and like no one cares. Mainly, be there for people, and make friends, it's what helped me.

Suicide doesn't just go away. I shold know. No matter what, human curoisity will still want to know the unknown.

3nodding

sweatdrop I had to be admitted back into the hospital in August for cutting. My new therapist says that it's a form of control/self comfort. I didn't want to die, it just makes me feel better. I wasn't making deep cuts or large ones either. It just looked like a larger cat scratch. I was careful. I don't know, I'm really sort of confused by all the advice and things. I'm going to therapy to try and get better, yet I don't tell her the most important things, like I do think about suicide a lot, and now I'm using lancets to cut instead of my blade because no one can see a pin p***k, or many of them. Isn't that horrible? That I've perfected the art of self mutilation just to avoid hospitilization? cry But think about this: Why are we deemed unstable when we cut, yet other civilizations and cultures practice self mutilation and blood letting as offerings to their gods/godesses? I personally see that as a very worthy and loving gift to honor your gods with. I mean you shouldn't go crazy with it and pass out, but blood is a life force. Giving back and honoring your higher powers in that manner to me is viewed as a sacrifice or a gift that some tribes see as the ultimate way of honoring their gods. Yes, some cultures do human sacrifice, and I personally believe that that is overkill. The gods gave you life, and they'll take it back when they want it. Which brings me to my next point of fear. I used to think about suicide all the time when I was younger and more ignorant to the consequences of taking your own death. I don't know if there really are any, who does? I think about taking my own life for the above posted reasons, but I fear it too much because I do not want to be punished for acting against the accordance of the gods. I guess that's why I won't do it now.

Full on rant. Sorry. I'm a cutter and there really is no reason why you should come to me for advice because if I told you not to do it, I'd be a hypocrite. I think about it a lot. But I'm sure that there are people who love you and would miss you, and that sucks. And we all know how sucky sucking can be. 3nodding heart

~Danielle

it happens when you have more pain than you can cope with

And just existing is painful