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 Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 10:47 am
Well this is sudden. I'm leaving D'ob for the first time in my life bound, I think, for the ocean. It's funny how understanding everyone was when I said I had to go with Hasani, almost too easy... But I trust the people I've left in charge; I'm sure everything will be fine.
Fairly.
I don't want another uprising to deal with when I get back; there was enough death the last time. Those who sided with my brother and 'repented'... were they really sorry or just biding their time? I can only pray that all is well with my people.
Should I even be doing this? I remember my father telling my brother, who was supposed to be his heir, that the herd came first. Always. Until Hasani I had no problem with that. Now I have chosen myself twice; chosen to tie myself to a stallion of no political consequence, chosen to leave my duties in search of his memories...
I was groomed to be second with less power and more freedom. I thought I could handle being first. Now though I am not so sure.
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Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 9:28 am
Quirne. It's magnificent, I won't deny that but it isn't home. When we arrived there I was wrapped up in a war between heart and head, again; I'm having that same debate a lot lately. Still, for now duty has been abandoned for love and as I say we arrived at the ocean.
Before long, things started to go wrong. Hasani went mad, fighting the air and then fleeing. I followed him to a patch of woodland just back from the cliff and he told me about the family he'd once had and the deaths they'd died.
I tried to comfort him, to tell him that it wasn't his fault but I don't think I succeeded.
We left swiftly, but now he has those memories back they came to. He seems... not the same. He tries to be for me but he isn't, and I cannot do anything to help him.
He blames himself for their deaths, I think, feels like he failed them... Should I tell him of my own secrets? I don't know if I could bring myself to; if he knew that I killed my own brother I've a feeling it might well change how he looks on me. I think he sees me as... as somebody he must protect. I shall have to find some way to dispel that belief, to show that I'm not a frail little filly who needs a strong stallion to hide behind but I can't think of a way to do it.
Telling him of the civil war in my herd is not the way to go, I feel. I hope nobody else tells him, though I don't see why they would... Still, it's just one more thing for me to worry about I suppose. There seems to be so many things to worry about lately.
...Daddy. I was raised to be second, I've said it before and I will again. I don't know what choices I should make... no, no I do. I know that I shouldn't worry about Hasani at all, that I shouldn't be pursuing a relationship with him, that I should put duty above all as you did... I don't know. I just don't know anymore. I've never been the unsure type but... but this choice is too much, and now with Hasani not the same but trying to hide it... I suppose I'll just have to carry on and do my best. That's all anyone can do.
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Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 6:49 am
Well, another one who isn’t doing her duty. Poor Bastet, seemed like a nice girl and stuck with some chap called Diego. I’ve heard a few rumors about him from a couple who left his herd because of him. Not a nice sounding stallion at all. She had my complete sympathy until I found out somebody else would get him in her place. Still, at least that made her think twice, and in fact she’s gone off to explore the world to do that thinking. Good for her, I say, and I hope she’ll make the choice that she sees as right in the end.
It’s reminded me of myself and Hasani, a little. I mean... it isn’t the same thing really, but stil I... Do I have any right to think that she ought to take him to save her cousin when I don’t know if I would? I don’t know if I could give Hasani up now no matter what... I shouldn’t feel that way but I do. I should be Lady Nyx fist and Nyx second, but I don’t think I am anymore. I don’t want a good stallion of good standing, I want Hasani. I don’t want foals that bring a good alliance between my herd and another, I want Hasani’s. Life is very complicated sometimes. Still, I have no doubt I shall short everything out in the end; I always have before, after all.
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 6:24 am
I wish Hasani and my council were not so very furious with one another, and the latter with me too. They still respect me, they still follow me but... but they hate that I’ve chosen Hasani over a stallion of influence. I can understand that. I can understand his anger at them, too. Still, it’s all very stressful, and I’m not accustomed to being stressed and I don’t like it.
I have therefore come up with a plan, a very cunning plan if I do say so myself. All I need to do is make up a few positions of importance within my herd and place in them Nequus willing to take an arranged mate in return for the position. I know there are a few who would be over the moon to have position and to have their choices made for them like that, poor ditzy things, so everybody would be a winner. I just have to work out a few positions now... Well, I’ll think on it I suppose; how hard can it possibly be to invent a few positions that sound good but that won’t get in my way? Hopefully not very.
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:01 am
I don’t care what they say anymore, I really truly don’t. I think though that they might be adjusting to the idea; my advisors all wished me well when I told them I had to leave for Shrilal, certainly. The two saplings Hasani and I found there are... are... well they’re just perfect. I can hardly believe it even though they’re right there in front of me. Children. We shall have children. I guarding the saplings now, waiting for Hasani to return with food for me, and I find myself wondering so many things. How many fruits will there be? What will they look like? Will they hatch okay? Will they be colts, fillies, a mixture?
I know things will be tough no matter how well Hasani looks after me, but I’m feeling a lot more exited than apprehensive. This is what I’ve wanted all my life; a family with a stallion I love. I just hope Hasani deals with this okay given what happened to the family he had when he was younger. I still don’t think he quite appreciates how well I can look after myself and my family, but then I always have kept the sparring I do with the guards fairly quite and I know I don’t really seem like the warrior type.
Still, the element of surprise is always advantageous. If anything comes to mess with me thinking I must be a soft target, well for now at least they’ll be in for a nasty shock. As time goes by I’ll get weaker I know, but I’m confident that nothing too awful will happen. This is my fairy tale after all, and one way or another I’m going to get to the happy ending, and find the happy beginning beyond it. Nothing will take that away from me, nothing in the world.
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:08 am
The tree has four buds, fruits now really. They’re all beautiful, all of them. One looks as though it will take a lot after me, one a lot after Hasani, one has his blue colours and my patterns and the last is a lovely ruddy orange colour. Life is quite dull at the minute, I can’t really do much save wander around or sit under the tree, but I preoccupy myself with more wondering about how my children might turn out.
I’m hoping for at least one girl and at least one boy, and I hope also that they’re all healthy little things. I see no reason why they shouldn’t be, but still, I can’t help but worry a bit until I see for sure that they’re alright. Hasani looks after me very well, brings me fruit to eat and lingers to keep me company when he can afford to. I’m gladder than ever that I chose to go with my heart not my head; I don’t think I’d b half as happy if the father of these fruits wasn’t one I loved will all my soul. I think we’ll be alright, him and me, the council will accept him in the end, and probably more easily now that I have heirs and am therefore less likely to make a good political match.
I’m tired, getting a bit skinny and am occasionally bored, but I’m happy. Content. Yes. Soon I shall be a mother, and that will make all of this waiting worthwhile.
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:14 am
Three colts, one filly. All reasonably healthy, our little oddity the least so but he’ll be alright. Sedna Calypsie, Rhinel, Malachi, Hanyx. Love them all, though Sedna worries me a bit, she’s got a hell of a temper already and seems to get angry at nothing. Still, no matter, love her, love all of them, love Hasani. I’m so tired though, I hadn’t realized how much I’d been worrying and thus how little I’d been sleeping until now.
Now I can relax though; Hasani is staying here and the foals are foals and can therefore run away from or hide from anything scary that comes along. I’m a mother, a mother of four wonderful children and I have a wonderful mate and a wonderful life and... and I need to go to sleep now.
I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my whole life.
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:21 am
We’re back home now, and things are actually a little better with my advisors and everything. They’d still be happier with Hasani was a somebody I don’t doubt, but they don’t mutter crossly about him very much at all now. They love the foals, of course, but not just for being the next generation of my line; they’re also genuinely soppy over them. I suppose they spend so much time being serious that when the chance to not be serious comes around they go right for it.
I’m settled back into my duties now, pretty much, and amazingly I’m managing to balance my leader duties with my family duties pretty well. I don’t have quite as much time with the foals and Hasani as I’d like, but then deep down I’d really like to spend all of my time with them.
I have decided not to do anything about choosing a successor right now; my brother was a painful case in point that what seems like a good idea when foals are young may be a very bad one once they’re adults. Added to that, I’d like all of them to get to have a proper foalhood full of exploring and playing and all the sort of thing normal foals do. I got a lot of that myself, but my brother missed out on it. Perhaps that’s part of the reason he turned out as he did.
Still, though I’m not making any decisions I am watching all of them thoughtfully to see if I can pick out leadership traits in them. Never hurts to be prepared for the future, after all.
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:50 am
A Katilenuck on the border of my lands calling herself Verity. Of all the people such a monster could have run into, she ran into Malachi. He told me a few of the things she said to him, but I imagine there were more of them. I cannot understand the kind of mind that would think it was acceptable to do that to a child, any child, but then I cannot really comprehend the Katilenuck at all. Slavery, supremacy of Jala, especially brindled Jala; none of it makes sense. I’m only glad that the herd lives so far away, and I hope that we’ll not see another of the brindled beasts ever again.
Malachi, and his sister and brothers if they wish, will now be taking combat training with captain Seran. I hope to Gods they never have to use the skills they learn, but I wouldn’t see them without such skills. If a threat ever comes to this herd again, they must be ready for it I suppose. Still, I can hope that such a thing won’t happen again; we get along well with all of our neighbors and none of my children are the way my brother was, thankfully. I think they may expect peace but... Well, I think Malachi and Rhinel at least will want to go exploring when they’re older and the world isn’t quite so safe away from a herd I suppose.
Thinking of the future, and the possibility of my children wandering off to see the world, makes me thing again of heirs. I still don’t know which, if any, of my children I should put in that position or if I should have more than one of them set to run things or... I don’t know. I shall leave it a while longer, I think, perhaps until they aren’t foals anymore. I know Rhinel chafes at not being allowed to join in with the grownups but I feel that giving a normal foalhood is better than giving him what he thinks he wants. In time, all of them can assume some position of responsibility, I think, but not yet, not yet.
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