I wrote a story, and I would like to know what people think of it. It's called Searching to Say Goodbye, and was an extra credit writing that I did for my English class last month.
It was a warm spring morning, when five-year-old Lily went outside to play. She held a small rag doll in her hand. Lily sat beneath a tree, and hugged her doll tightly as the wind began to blow her curly brown hair. She could see her parent’s car coming up the driveway. She watched as they walked into her house. Suddenly, she stood up and began to walk in the opposite direction. She began to head down the hill of her backyard, only stopping to pick the prettiest of the flowers she found. As she reached the bottom of the hill, she saw a small cat. She walked toward the cat, and asked, “Will you help me look?” The cat simply stared at her with piercing green eyes, and ran away.
Lily continued on her journey away from her house, and reached the road. She began to follow along the deserted road until she reached the mailman, Earl. She stopped, and said hello to him.
“Hello there, Lily,” said Earl, “I’m surprised that your parents let you walk this far. Oh well, is there anything I can help you with?”
“ Yes,” she said, “ I’m looking to say goodbye.”
Earl looked puzzled, and asked her again, “ What do you need help with?”
“ I’m looking to say goodbye.” She said again, only louder.
Earl chuckled, and patted her on the head. “I’m sorry kiddo, but I can’t help you there. Bye!” he said, as he continued to deliver mail along Lily’s street.
Lily continued to walk along the street. Though she had only traveled two blocks, to her it felt like miles. She walked a while longer, and reached the small shops in her town. There were small shops all along the road. She walked past the hat shop, and spotted her old neighbor, Ms. West.
“ Lily, dear!” shouted Ms. West, “ What in the world are you doing here, and where is your mother?” She giggled, and said’ “Silly me, she must be shopping around here. Well, you should go find her, she must be awfully worried about you.”
Lily sighed as Ms. West left in a hurry, leaving Lily behind. Lily never even had the chance to ask her for help. She decided to keep going walking along the shops, when she found a dollar on the ground. She kept walking, and when she reached the bakery she walked inside.
“Hello!” said Lily, as she walked to the counter.” Can I have a cookie?” She gave the baker the dollar, and the baker gave her the cookie.
“ Is there anything else I can help you with?” she asked.
Lily looked at the baker and asked, “Can you help me look to say goodbye?”
The baker looked at her questioningly, and replied, “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you with that.”
Lily left the bakery, and kept walking down the road. She heard two women talking about the beautiful roses at the flower shop. After hearing this, Lily began to run toward the flower shop. When she got there, she went up to one of the workers.
“ Do you have a Rose?” she asked.
The young woman smiled, and handed Lily a red rose.
“ do you have any other kinds of roses?” asked Lily, but the woman only shook her head. Lily walked out of the store and began to head home. She continued to walk until she reached the bottom of the hill. She left the flowers that she had picked earlier, and began to walk over the hill. She began to cry just as it started to rain. She took of her long jacket, to put it over her head, revealing the black dress underneath. She got to the top of the hill, and saw her family coming towards her.
“ Lily,” called her mother, “ it’s time to go say goodbye.” Lily walked to her mother, and followed her to the car. She got in the car with her parents and grandparents, and gripped her doll tighter as two teardrops flowed from her eyes. Everyone was crying. A few minutes later, the car stopped. Lily’s father carried her out of the car and into the church. Lily watched her parent’s cry, and her father set her down. Lily continued to walk to the front on her own.
She walked toward a box in the front of the room, and peeked inside. There, she saw the little baby in a green velvet dress. Flowers were placed all around her, and a plaque with the name “ Rose” lay to her side. Lily stared for a moment at the baby’s pale face, before placing the doll and rose in the box with the baby. A single teardrop escaped the corner of her eye, as she whispered “ Goodbye.” And turned back to her parent.
There you go, it may not be that good, but I'm 14 and this was my first attempt at a short story.
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