Welcome to Gaia! ::

Just wondering for some friendly advise from other women on this one.

First off i hope no one minds that i am talking about a girl rather than a boyfriend, but... Gender realy doesn't have as much to do with it, as the person i think.

Well here goes.

I'm Kai. Nice to meet'chu.

I fel in love with my best friend and fooled myself pretty thouroughly for a good long while so i didn't 'mess up the friendship' as i thought was inevitable since i knew there was no way she could like me back. Actualy i was pretty sure i was straight >.> (i'm Bi btw)

Well anyways, during the time i was trying to not feel these feelings since i thought i'd scare her away, ESPECIALY the fact that we were both women - well in this time a friend that we both had... apearently fell for both of us.

There were some issues, and i stayed there for her... and now i think that was a high contributing factor. I don't regret my compassion...

but recently (a few months *blushes* It came out that ... she liked me too. And we were both pretty much screwing ourselves over out of fear that we'd push the other one away if they knew - and we were perfectly alright until recently- just being near the other one. We didn't want to make our friendship strained if we found out the other didn't feel the same way that )

Well... um, anyways... The other friend? The one who liked us... Well she is... bitter. She believes that since we knew how she would feel about this, that we are hurting her on purpose. And that we want to hurt her. And that we shouldn't have done this...

She believes... that well... If she's not alowed happiness then why should we be?

Why should 2 people be alowed to be happy when one other is not?

So now our fragile group... is... almost caught. Between us... and her. But at least as things are now we... we weren't talking to eachother since she descided that she needed some time to sort things out herself away from the cause of her misery -_- ~ but for some reason she IM'd me just recently... actualy a few hours before i typed this, and actualy is IMing me now. -_-

The rest of the group is all still talking to her, and to us seperatly though, and things seem to be working alright that way. I've let it be known that i won't tolerate making anyone 'chose sides' I just won't - that's the worst thing that you can ever do to someone, and i know because it's been done to me before, and i choose to NEVER inflict that upon somebody else - If your friends and i don't agree i don't have to talk to them, but i'd never tell you to stop talking to them if you want to keep talking to me at least.

Well... I don't know. Anyways i'm partialy venting so sorry ><

Any suggestions? Etc? I ... tend... to be at a loss for these things. And she keeps wanting me to say something. To tell her, and respond to her questions, but i don't know what to say. I don't know how to tell someone, that it's never been them, and it never will be them, that it's anouther, without hurting them so much more, even though it's all been said before... she just won't listen. doesn't want to listen. And says that my girlfriends words on that are all "lies" (yes we are going out now >< *blushes again*)

Well...... that's why i'm not on my main account right now >.> And even my other account... Many of the people i know in real life all know who i am. Or if they saw my posts they'd at least recognize me at once. So i tend to feel like i need to be rather careful of what i type, how i type it and who's going to read it when i do.

So it feels a little good to just vent a little bit kindof.

aah sweatdrop Sorry for being so random in the Life Issues subforum after just joining here sweatdrop

But i don't know how to reconcile freindship with love... that began as friendship. (no love couldn't have in my opinion) And it just sneaked up on us, since we weren't looking for it 'cause we only thought we had to worry if there were guys in our group >.>

So there's been ... alot of interesting admiting going on too. (and our poor other friends lol)

but... not so poor. -_- apearently... ... ... um,..... we were the only ones who didn't know >< Actualy. They all... kindof were expecting this ><

Any suggestions from anyone about this? At all? Just wondering sweatdrop and venting :3