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In April I started dating (let us call him...) Mark, he was weird, confusing, awesome and really funny. When I was sad he had a strange way of confusing me so much I didn't know what I was upset about. We had an online relationship and played an online game together. While on there one day I met another guy, he'll be Ben, and somehow they turned out going to the same school. They knew each other and weren't really friends but didn't mind each other. Slowly I started talking to Ben more and Mark less. I'd go days without hearing from Mark, but me and Ben talked almost 24/7, phone and all. So in August we finally hooked up.

Mark let this go, he told me he wanted me to be happy and if Ben made me happy then he'd let me go. Sure, they both now hate each other... and I still talk to Mark, he's one of my best friends. Well Ben and I broke up a week ago... I havent told Mark but he knows I'm sad, he confused me out of suicidal thoughts the other day. I know I love Ben, I know love is something you don't need to question, you just know, I've cried almost every night. We were semi engaged and had everything planned out... Mark and I, we just knew we wanted to be together. I don't know what I feel for Mark.

I still remember exactly what he asked me when he found out me and Ben were together, "what should I have done?" It hurt me honestly to know I had pretty much crushed him. I feel terrible for what I've done to him, he said he noticed me not talking to him as much and gave me space to figure out what I wanted. I have a feeling Ben and I aren't ever going to be together again... I don't even know if I'd have these feelings if I knew we'd be together. It's been so long and I'm afraid to bring it up with Mark, but I want him to know it's not his fault. I think, after hurting my feelings pretty bad, Ben is losing my love for him. I don't want to tell Mark I still have feelings for him if it's just because my brain is attaching itself to the first thing that shows me affection.

Throughout our relationship (me and Ben) I've regretted a little leaving Mark. I did miss him. I cried because I hurt him... Just that reason alone. I cried for hours actually. I just want to somehow tell him my feelings for him, but I don't want to hurt him again. I also want him to maybe come here this summer, I want to meet him, he's so neat and awesome. I don't know if anyone made sense of this but it's been driving me nuts. I am a recent-made Christian (tahnks to Ben...) and a few nights ago (yes it may seem dumb to you but deal with it) I prayed to dream about which would be right for me. I know how to clear my mind, yay meditating, and went to sleep with clear thoughts. Every night since then it's been Mark. Basically what do you think I should do?

If you really don't know what to do, I think you should possibly stay single for awhile, at least until you make up your mind. We can't really judge the two guys from over the internet, but if you like them both right now you should try to organize your thoughts some more before you do anything. I guess in the end you just pick the one you would rather be with.

Edit: Yeah I know, not very helpful, but you can't do anything besides either choosing one or waiting until you make up your mind.