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Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 5:38 pm
 Entry One Charity Lewis' Personal Journal November 21st, 1887 Boston, Massachusetts I felt a bit faint after drinking the prescribed elixir, but my brother Adam has explained before that wearing a proper corset may cause this and that it is nothing to worry over. I was left alone after being given my dosage by Papa, to do needlework or engage in another such appropriate pasttime, but I confess I was wicked and chose to read one of my 'gruesome serials' instead. I know that they inflame the mind and will probably make my hysteria worse, but they are an addiction I cannot escape! Perhaps I ought to take opium nectar to cure me of my obsession: it works such wonders to alliviate dependance on liquor. Still faint and with the room spinning in a slow, langorious manner, I perched myself in my sewing chair and slipped my forbidden book from its hiding place under the cushion. It was the fourth part of my favorite series, that of Marcus the darkly ravishing incubus. If Papa and Adam knew what I passed the time with so often when cloistered in my room, they would surely send for the priest to call the demons out! The spinning made picking out the words on the page a bit trying, but Tales of a Dark Soul is well worth the effort I expended to concentrate. As always my face became quite flushed from the exciting happenings to Marcus, and I was forced to hide the book again and go to the window to take air. My room has two small windows, which are of a size to use an economy of glass and not allow an intruder to enter and harm me. In the past I have been upset that this constricts my view, but when the floor slowly tilted beneath my feet and I crashed against the glass, I was exceedingly pleased not to have enough room to fall through the panes and on to the street below. My hair was much woven through with glass, and my forehead took a few fine cuts, but I was otherwise unharmed. I collected the glass with not too many cuts to my hands, and then began to shed my shard-covered dress to change into the other that I own. The buttons were very hard to undo at first, and my fingers kept getting caught in my laces. I became quite upset, which certainly means I require more of the solution to fully calm my hysteric tendencies. The room continued to spin, and slowly, which was simply infuriating. Dizziness is supposed to be fast and lurid, but mine was nigh stately. Stately! I am always so bloody calm I could not even ail properly! I tore at my clothes in frustration but they refuse to unbind me, and I would not call for my maid's attendance as there was a chance I'd replace my book incorrectly and had no wish to lose it. Liza's clever hands always pulled my buttons apart so quickly - why can I, a grown woman of seventeen remove my own blasted clothes?! I was so angry, I believe I smashed a lamp and possibly a small end table. I shall have to pay for them out of my dowary. I expect I would have been trapped in my prison of cloth and glass forever (or at least until Adam came to find my for dinner), had not a kind young man stepped out of the shadows and kindly helped me to undress. He gave me the most impertinent looks the entire time, but my medicine made it so I was not concerned in the least. My forehead blazed and my vision was smeared like rain on glass at night, but that was surely just from falling into the window. My aide did appear not unlike how I invision the incubus from my books looks, but again, I had just bumped my head. Marcus is not a real person. My knight saw me to my bed, which all the dizziness made me wish to occupy despite the early hour, and tucked my in as I believe my dead mother once did. The kiss he gave me, however, was not of the sort any caregiver would bestow upon a child. Papa and Adam were quite upset that I had undressed myself and broken the window so carelessly. I was in no state to argue, being rather burned up with fever and crumpled in with pain, so they gave me three draughts of Fowlers before locking me in until the morrow. I was dizzy again and it became hard to see, as my head pounded and water streamed from my forehead. I was pale and wretched, I am sure, and I could barely move. It was just as well my gentleman did not appear again. Truly.
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Posted: Fri Nov 24, 2006 8:31 pm
 Entry Two Charity Lewis' Personal Journal November 24th, 1887 Boston, Massachusetts I think perhaps the fates are not pleased with my performance up until this point of my life. That is surely the only explanation for my poor health as of late, since I have been taking a dose a day of my medicinal faithfully since the day it was prescribed, and yet I do not heal. I find myself sick with chills and fever every other day, and that the world is not as clear to my eyes as it once was, as if a frost had settled across my vision. I spend an encreasing amount of tie abed, as the world spins lazily throughout the day and I am fairly too weak to stand. Papa and Adam were angry at first, thinking me a do-nothing, but my dear maid convinced them soon that I was quite taken with illness. They quickly became concerned for my welfare - outwardly, I mean, for they are surely always inwardly concerned for me though they do not show it - and rang my physician to come and observe my health. He has said he may manage some time to aid me in a week's time, but he promises nothing. He finds a hysterical woman a low priority. This is not hysteria, or at least not that affliction as the doctor described it earlier unless he is creating new symptoms by the day. I ought to trust the man, for he wise and well-versed in the way of medicine, but his response to my plight irked me so. I am in very great distress, and he does not care! He thinks I am weak-minded and a fool because I have breast and a womb, and that he is a man and so brilliant beyond reproach! This may be a hysterical outburst, but I deserve it. Papa and Adam think the medical man is being quite sensible and remind me daily, when they bother to come visit at all, that there are men with true and serious illness that require attention. Bloody hell. You'd think they want to see me dead! Dear me, but I do not know how I could have written that last bit. I ought to cross it from the page, if only for fear my dear family would read it and think me ungrateful and unkind. I shall secret this journal under my matress, perhaps, next to my fine novels, so none may reach it without my stirring which occurs so very seldom. I would not want to hurt their feelings. The one good point, though, is that the fine young man who came to my aid that first moment of my attack has returned on several occasions during my confinement to help me through it. The first moment of his return had him acting quite ungentlemanly to me, but my shriek of suprise at his... roving of hands... so startled him he has not done so again. He still looks at me as if I am a thing to be eaten, but if I am being honest I will say that I am not entirely upset at that. He has been reading my stories to me without laughing: in fact, he finds them quite interesting and seems to enjoy Marcus' adventures as much as I do. All in all he has been quite kind, and between he and my maid I have been kept as comfortable as one so ill can be. I am so glad Papa and Adam approve of him. I have so longed to meet a fellow my own age who is so gallant and handsome. He would not find his way into my room otherwise, would he?
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Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 1:18 pm
 Entry Three Charity Lewis' Personal Journal December 2nd, 1887 Boston, Massachusetts I am sorry for not writing for the past few days, but I have had so little energy I could barely lift a pen. I would ask someone to dictate, but I do not wish to share my council with any of the others in my household. Fowler said he would be happy to lend me aid, but that he is only able to write in Latin. I am tempted to ask it of him anyway, even if that meant I could not read it without finding some pretext to become educated in the language myself: it would certainly ensure an extra bit of privacy for my writings. This illness has been terribly taxing on my health, which I suppose is to be expected, but my doctor seems quite suprised. Hysteria is an ailment of the mind, after all, and characterized by too much energy instead of too little. My maid thinks there is a chance it is my medicine as I seem to her to be most tired after I have taken my daily dose, but the physician assured her this was not the case. There is nothing harmful in medicine, he said: if there were it could not be called an elixir, could it. Liza remains unconvinced, but Adam and Papa believe the doctor is right, so he must be. They are men, after all. They understand such things. Still, the medical man does not think my lack of energy is normal or a beneficial thing, and may indeed by a symptom of an even greater illness that somehow manifested itself in the form of hysteria and so hid from his view. He has asked to have me moved to the local Christian hospital for a few days of observation and consultation with other physicians. Secretly, I must admit that I am glad to do this even if Adam and Papa grumble about the exspense: it is good to no longer be a patient that feels ignored by her caregiver. This will surely sort out my problem and see me into the arms of blissful health once more. In truth, the only moments of my confinement I have regretted are those where I am too weak to record a few thoughts in this tome. Otherwise I have been quite well-cared for, both Liza and Fowler fussing over me in shifts through out the day. Who is Fowler, you may well ask. It is the quite ironic name of my young man, as I must admit I think of him now, who first aided me in my time of need and has seen to me ever since. He is a peculiar fellow, but very dear to my heart nonetheless. He dresses more and more after the fashion of a Knight of the Crusades, which I find quite dashing and far more appealing than the stuffy, binding nature of male fashions these days. He is truly what Marcus would have been, had he escaped the kiss of the fatal succubus and remained man instead of damned. Fowler entertains me with all sorts of stories, and speaks of fighting dragons and rescuing damsels as if he has just returned from such adventures! A master storyteller, to be sure. He continues to be rather insolent and forward, often finding excuses to grasp my hand or manuever me into resting against his shoulder, but he has never done more than this and so worries are from my mind. He seems to genuinely care after my well-being, and listens to my words as if he were a sister as opposed to a suitor. He speaks ill of my father and brother, and I do chastize him for it, but I think that comes from not seeing them at their best and Fowler having his Code of Chivalry to live by. He such a delightful creature, I almost do not mind that he steals a kiss every night before he bids me good dreams. Perhaps when I am well he will ask Papa for my hand, and we will marry. He has promised that some day he will teach me to ride.
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Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 7:01 pm
Note Pasted Inbetween Entries By Recommendation of one Doctor Jeremiah Lazarus December 3rd, 1887 Boston, Massachusetts On the Subject of the Commital for Observation of Miss Charity Lewis, To the masters of St. Mary's Hospital, Please admit my patient and keep watch over her health for the next two days. She is a sufferer of hysteria, and is taking Fowler's Solution to ease her symptoms. Recently, she has fallen quite ill with chills, fever, fatigue, and difficulty seeing. Perhaps the hysteria was but a symptom of a deeper, more terrible disease? Please have your nurses keep an eye on her temperature and her breathing, and I shall consult with Dr. Harry Embers after she has been observed on what to do next. Regards, Jeremiah Lazarus, M.D.
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Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 7:08 pm
Note Pasted Inbetween Entries By Recommendation of one Nurse Matilda Ecckleston December 3rd, 1887 Boston, Massachusetts On the Subject of the Medicinal Dosage of Miss Charity Lewis, Dr. Embers, I have been watching this poor girl as asked, and for the life of me could not at first determine what it was that was treating her so poorly. I then read over Dr. Lazarus' note, and was shocked to discover he had prescribed her Fowler's Solution! That nasty tonic is nigh unto a poison, and here he was pouring it down her throat at least once a day! I have taken it from her in hopes this will see Miss Lewis to good health. It was odd, but she seemed most distressed when I denied her her dose. Truly a victim of hysteria, the poor thing. Ought to be given a "reliever", so she can heal up instead of falling apart. Regards, Matilda Ecckleston, R.N.
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Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 7:15 pm
 Note Pasted Inbetween Entries By Recommendation of one Doctor Harry Embers December 4th, 1887 Boston, Massachusetts On the Subject of the Treatment of Miss Charity Lewis, I'm sorry to tell you this Jerry, but your girl is plumb crazy. She nearly tore poor Mrs. Ecckleston's face off trying to get to her dose of Fowler's this morning, screaming about missing her young man and that the nurse was keeping him out. She wanted her medicine, she wanted her medicine! We finally gave it to her just to calm her down enough to be moved to the Mental Ward. We'd strap her down to her bed, but with that poison in her veins she can barely move so there's no need. I've been making calls all day on homes and such, but no one wants a crazy little addict who won't be forced off her "elixir". There's one possibility, other than sending her back to be cared for by her brother and father and maid, but only if her family doesn't mind the possibility of her never coming out again. Happy Home has a pretty name and a terrible record. She might find peace there, but it would be a ditch in the backyard if the rumors are true. Good luck my man, Harry Embers, M.D.
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Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 3:42 pm
Note Pasted Inbetween Entries By Recommendation of one Doctor Harry Embers December 5th, 1887 Boston, Massachusetts This notice states that Miss Charity Lewis, my daughter, is given into the care and keeping of the masters of Happy Home to do with as they please. Keep her well, sirs, and see to her health. Payment for her stay will be sent once a year by the state. Signed, John Lewis Witnessed, Adam Lewis
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Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 3:54 pm
 Entry Four Charity Lewis' Personal Journal December 5th, 1887 Boston, Massachusetts I know now that my family does not love me. I have been signed into a mental institution, one Happy Home, and sentenced to life there instead of at my true home. My maid Mary came to see me off, full of tears, and whispered that perhaps this was all for the best as I was now out of Papa and Adam's clutches. I wonder where she will go now. I hope my brother and father enjoy living off of my inheritance now that I am no longer in their way. Fowler stays by my side, having helped smuggle my books and this journal to me, but even that does little to lighten my heart. One cannot be married if one lives in an institution, no matter how much he says that he cared for me and will never leave my side. He is a gallant soul. He has even stayed with me late into the night, holding me so that I fall asleep in his arms. It is kind of him, but I ought to send him on his way. I have no future to share, anymore. Even if my solution cures me of my hysteria, there is nothing for me beyond these walls. Boston is a closed book, and I have never known any other city. Fowler insists he would sweep me away to Europe, but even there people would know. Who wants a crazy woman for a wife? Still, my knight does not desert me. He insists that I perk up and make friends, particularly with any pretty young women my age. Perhaps he thinks that if I saw such grand creatures doing well it would lift my spirits, but what if they are not? I have a hard enough time with my own illness: I do not think I could bear another's. He is stronger than me, though, so he shall get his way. It is a gentle, warm strength, but it is still more than I have. I am just a woman, after all.
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 6:53 pm
Interaction One Charity Lewis and Fowler at Happy Home December 6th, 1887 Happy Home, Boston, Massachusetts Vocalization With four sequential sharp, matching cracks, her nails pierced the red skin of the chilly apple. A belated fifth nail made it sound remarkably like gunshots, emanating from where Alethea sat, waiting for her cousin to return from her checkup. As if the medicine Malifer was taking was helping with her- her delusions. Alethea's cousin had always been insane, and all of her prior experiences only backed up the blind girl's conviction. She sat on a small couch, letting her heels brush against the violin case. The silk of her baby blue, Victorian-esque dress rustled against the soft cotton of her seat. She raised the apple to her mouth and took a bite, then turned to face down the hallway. Footsteps had been approaching from that direction, and Alethea was curious to hear who it was. Perri Indiya Charity drifted down the length hallway in a happy haze, noticing nothing but the feel of Fowler's hand in hers. He had woken her with a kiss that morning, snuggled against her in her small bed wearing far less than was decent even for sleep. She'd blushed and looked away, missing his smile but catching his laugh. He'd turned her face back and kissed her again, before releasing her and leaving the bed to dress. Belting a sword and scabbard over his tunic, he'd politely offered her a hand up and aid in dressing. She'd known she was wicked to accept his aid, but it was nearly impossible to do up all the buttons that ran down the back of her dress by herself. As it was her beau seemed to struggle with them, taking far longer than Mary ever had to secure them. After that he'd led her out of her room, insisting that she allow him to show her the building. When ever had he had time to see it? Vocalization There were definately two sets of footsteps. But, as far as she could tell, there was no accompanying swish of clothing for the second set. Nor was there a clank of armor, as some inmates insisted on wearing. In fact, unless the second set of footsteps was nude, she was hearing things. She heaved a sigh and stood, lifting her violin case with her. "Who's there?" she said, her voice rather melancholy. The tenor of her voice matched her appearance, that of an angel, albeit an angel with extremely short hair. "Please identify yourself, it's only polite." Perri Indiya Charity stopped, fingers tightening on Fowlers as her other hand clung to his arm. He chuckled and tweaked her nose. "Say hello." She shook her head, stubborn in her fright. He grinned wickedly, leaning over and pressing hot lips to her neck. Charity yelped audibly, going quickly red. "Stop that!" Perri Indiya Charity hissed quietly at her companion, trying to chastize him but not succeeding. As was the usual state of things, her knight simply looked amused. Turning the seated girl, she curtsied politely and explained. "I was not speaking to you but to my... friend, Fowler. He has terrible manners sometimes." Hopefully she had not seen everything. "Just a friend?" her gentleman asked, pretending to be hurt as he slipped an arm about her waist. "Surely I am more than that?" Vocalization "There's no one there," Alethea said, her voice holding a tone of finality. "At least, not that I can see... though I can't really see anything." Her fingers- the onces not ensconced in her apple- drifted to near-invisible scars on and across her misted green eyes. "Although I can't hear your mister Fowler, either. Perhaps I am going deaf." It was entirely possible, knowing her horrid luck. Perri Indiya Charity's hand flew to her mouth in suprise, as she watched the girl more closely and realized her injuries had made her blind. The poor thing! What horrid person would toss a dear child like that in here? Fowler sniffed, somewhat insulted over being dismissed. "I don't have to pay for it anyway." The young woman gave her beau a sidewise glance, wondering whatever it was he could be talking about. He gestured to the other's clothes. "Don't you see?" She focused on the fabric in front of her, finding it a richer thing than she would ever have been permited to wear at home. Somewhat oddly cut, as well. It seemed a modern fashion... "She's a seamstress, Charity." "You are talking nonsense." she informed him with a sigh, turning back to the girl and smiling. "I am sorry about him. My name is Charity Lewis. I am quite pleased to make your aquaintance." Vocalization Alethea smiled, though it was slightly more of a grimace. Obviously this girl was one of the poor people stuck in here. Maybe she'd become friends with Malifer, she though sardonically. "And you as well, Miss Lewis. My name is Alethea Parris," she said in response, almost automatically. She dropped a nearly-perfect one-handed curtsy, her other hand being full of red apple. A redhead appeared over Alethea's shoulder. "Cousin Aleth," Malifer said, her own delusion shadowing her. "We're almost set to go." The teenager was dressed in black pants and a white blouse, her hair cropped almost shorter than her cousin's, though it had a rat-tail in the back that reached to the small of her back. "Quell and I will meet you back here, don't you dare move. Dad would kill me if I lost you. You know you're his wet dream." Her face ripped into a sneer as she brushed past Charity; Quell remained behind, having run into Fowler. "Hello there," he said pleasantly to Charity. "Nice to see there are others with a decent sense of fashion." The blonde hallucination straightened his cassock and continued on his way, leaving the original three alone. Alethea didn't seem to have noticed anything, even though Quell had also run into her. Perri Indiya "Excuse me," Charity said without a trace of irony, trying to step back but Fowler's arm around her waist stopping her. He nodded to Quell but his eyes were narrowed and unhappy. He was rather possessive of his young woman. "Goodness, whoever was that?" she asked Alethea as she watched the rude fellow's retreating back. "Not your cousin, I hope?" Vocalization Alethea nodded. "She's not exactly the nicest person I know," she said dryly. "When her father took me in, she wasn't so very happy. We have to share a room, you see." She paused, taking a conservative bite of her apple. If she had not been blind, she would have seemed to be studying Charity. "So... what kind of things do you like to do?" Her voice was more hesitant now. Perri Indiya "Read and write, mostly. I must confess to finding sewing incredibly tedious." Charity's favorite thing, of course, had been watching the world pass below her window, but even a shut-in like herself knew just how pitiful this sounded. Always one to know her moods, Fowler smiled kissed her hand. "You're not a seamstress, it's true." She furrowed her brow, head tilting slightly to the side. There was something in the way he said that word that implied he meant something far different than most. Vocalization Her smile drifted back, much truer. "Oh, really? What do you like to read, Charity? I mostly play music, but I've been reading a lot of a story called Angel Sanctuary. It's very good, if slightly melodramatic." Alethea resettled her skirt. "Have you read Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer? It's..." Here she hesitated, looking around as if for Malifer. "...it's a vampire story," she admitted. Her pale cheeks blushed a pale pink. Her uncle didn't really like romance novels, and Twilight was through-and-through a dark romance story. Perri Indiya "A vampire story!" the girl said excitedly, nigh unto squealing. Fowler gave her an amused look. "I adore Dark Fiction. Particularly the novels concerning Marcus of Lesande, who is an incubus." She sighed, leaning into her male escort. "He is so terribly romantic." Vocalization She tilted her head. "I've never read about him," she said in great curiousity. "I guess I'll just have to hope they have a copy in Braille somewhere." Alethea smiled, just barely a little wider than before. "Do you like music?" Perri Indiya "Brail?" Charity asked, tilting her head and slipping the unknown word across her tongue. "Is that a special language of sorts?" "Sounds French." Fowler murmured, moving behind her so he could nuzzle her neck with less effort. "Do I like music? I cannot say, for I have heard very little of it in my life. My mother used to sing to me when I was very young, but Papa and Adam never liked phonographs." she admitted haltingly, disliking the necessity to reveal another shortcoming but seeing no other choice but honesty. Vocalization Alethea avoided the rather painful question about the written language of the blind. "It's... how I read," was all she said, crouching to pick up her dark leather violin case and opening it. "I play," she said, wrapping her fingers around the neck of her dark-colored instrument. "My brother is a musician, as well. Edward is much better than me; he can sing and play, though it seems the comes much more naturally to me than to him." The brunette couldn't conceal just a tiny trace of pride from her face and voice. "Maybe someday I'll play for you," she demurred, slowly placing her treasure back into the case, but not closing it. "Maybe I'll bring you a copy of Twilight if I come back," she continued. "Would you like that?" Perri Indiya "I would adore both occurances." she responded warmly, avoiding the first subject smoothly when Alethea showed signs of not wanting to discuss it. Avoidance was a skill any Victorian possessed in spades. "It is very kind of you to offer." "Ask her where she's going." Fowler urged, working his fingers along her sides to relieve the pain from the corset that dug into her flesh. "Mayhap we might join her." Vocalization She carefully plucked a string, bringing up a pure, clear mid C. "I'm glad. Music is... sophisticated." There weren't enough words in the English language to describe how she felt towards music. "Do you want to go to the lounge with me? I would really like to avoid Malifer, if I can. She's rather mad at me." Perri Indiya Charity sighed, enchanted by the single note. It would be all too easy to follow this lovely, torn girl to wherever she bid. At least at first. Her beau sensed her withdrawl and shook his head. "You ought to take her up on it. You could use the company." She smiled faintly at him. "You are all the company I need." Remembering her manners, Charity turned back to her female companion, "Thank you for the kind offer, but I am afraid I must beg out of such travels. I am still rather ill from my... my sufferings. I should not over-tax myself." Vocalization Alethea sighed. "Oh, well," she said as she closed the lid. "They have a very good vending machine there." She took another bite of her apple as she made sure all locks were exactly in place on her beloved violin. She was thinking of other things to ask this girl- though she wasn't really into the mood to talk, as she almost never was, she did want to get to know her better. Several of them, such as 'why are you here' and 'what happened to your family', made her blush with shame even just thinking about asking Charity. With almost embarrassing slowness and care, she placed the case carefully on the ground to buy time. "Do you know what day it is?" she asked suddenly, not having access to a calendar or watch. Perri Indiya Charity had been just about to ask what a "machine of vending" was, but the girl's question distracted her. She closed her eyes for a moment, doing her best to estimate by counting back to the first definite date in her memory. "December 6th, I believe. It is still 1887, but only just." Fowler desperately wanted to tag along with Alethea and see what things there were to be seen, but he could tell his lady was in no mood to do so. Ah well. Gathering up her hand, he put it through his arm and moved to lead her away. "Shall we retire?" "Yes, we shall." Charity said quietly, flashing him a brilliant smile. "Good day, Alethea. It was wonderful to make your aquainance." The pair walked back to her room, arm in arm and wrapped in a comfortable silence. Vocalization Alethea paused as they walked away, furrowing her eyebrows for the effect. "But it's 2006!" she called after them. Her cousin swept by and collected the young violinist, departing quickly. "She's a crazy, Aleth," Malifer said airily. "Don't worry about her little idiosyncracies." "It's Alethea."
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Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 7:19 pm
 Entry Five Charity Lewis' Personal Journal December 10th, 1887 Boston, Massachusetts How Fowler does not grow tired of me I cannot say, but somehow I manage to hold his interest. Perhaps this is my Christmas miracle? He does not stray although surely has every right to with such facinating creatures about in this place that I have no hope of ever becoming a pale imitation of. Grand maidens who can pluck heaven from the strings of a violin, and brilliant ladies who are well-versed in the alchemaic secrets of medicine as well as any physician one might care to contract. What am I, a mousy, un-schooled shut-in to such bastions of feminine glory? All I have is the wish that I had had a mother longer, and a father less. Perhaps he sees something glimmering within my frail shell that he hopes to feed into a roaring flame, such as the other women here at the Home possess. It is a fruitless cause to be sure, but it is kind of my dear Fowler to take it up. I am selfish and will not release him of his vow to marry me someday unless he demands it. The browning vine refuses to unlatch itself from the glorious oak, does it not? Such am I, a parasite to my beau, and I will cling as long as he lets me. I have told him as much, but he will not listen. He says I am still sad and addled over realizing what my brother and father did, or did not do for me. When I have healed the wound of my abandonment I shall feel better. He smiles so brightly I believe him. I am trying to learn things for him, and to meet as many women as I can. He much prefers that I contact females, as if to indicate he is jealous of sharing my time with another man. My Fowler is a silly sort some days! Every now and then I catch him watching my concentrate on learning Latin, or observing the stretch of the skin around my lips when I laugh, as if to memorize these moments forever. I wonder often why he does this, and would ask, but he seems to be attempting to carry out his mission so covertly I have not the heart to inform him he has failed. He is a dear one. He is also an imp to the utmost degree. I would complain of it, but it is hard to deny him the small touches of my skin that comfort me so, even if it is quite unseemly that he does so in public. Those here are kind enough to pretend on a lack of notice, although I do believe he carries on in this way in effort to see when they shall throw us from the room for such acts. I am waiting to realize the answer to this riddle myself, and with considerably less dread than I ought to feel. I begin to think I am not so much the proper lady I ought to be. It is a cheering thought. Perhaps tomorrow I shall catch him unawares with a kiss in the hall? It is unlikely as I blush at the thought even recording it, but a possibility despite its remoteness. I truly ought to. I should be delighted to know what my fair knight would make of it, and of me.
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 7:26 am
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 7:52 am
 Entry Six Charity Lewis' Personal Journal December 16th, 1887 Boston, Massachusetts Do not be cross with me for my impertinence, but I simply must record that my Fowler is a finely made gentleman in all respects. Some day, when I am an aged and gray-haired woman I shall look back over this journal and wish for something to amuse myself. This shall surely be the entry that I seek. I did not mention this fact before because, well, it seems I had not noticed it. I always have known he is dashing and handsome from the first, but when I try to describe him exactly from my memories his appearance in them grows a bit hazy. Watching him as he practices his dueling steps more than makes up for that, so I do not complain, but I am puzzled. Should not a person who has become such a part of my life be as clear as crystal in my mind every time I think on him? Perhaps it is my elixer: I am always a bit tired and muddled in the moments just after I swallow it. The nurses call it poison and beg me not to take it - after the incident at that other hospital before it is only requests and no one ever tries to force the issue - but I am no longer ailing as I once was. If it is truly poison perhaps I have developed an immunity. I admit that it is superstitious worry that causes me to take my dose every day now, and not a wish to heal: Fowler appeared on the first day I took my medicine, and has stayed with me every day since. It is as if it called him to my side, and in the deepness of my heart I am afraid that to stop taking the solution would release him to the wind. Come, let us turn back to more enjoyable matters. I say that my fiance is well-formed because he was quite a knave to me this morning, but not so that I truly mind. I had to make a fuss for propreity's sake, as we are not married as of yet, but as soon as wedding bells chime I shall no longer have to pretend to be displeased. I must explain from the first. When I was well and truly ill, Fowler would often lie down and sleep next to me in my bed, which was well enough the size for two and he fully-clothed besides. It was to comfort me in my pain, and perhaps to do himself a comfort as well, as if he could protect me from the sickness that ravaged my body. His was a calming presence while I rested, and I grew quite used to his proximity. So much so, that when I began to heal I pretended not to be, so that he would not alter his habits. I know now that the pretence was unnecessary as he had no intention of quiting my bed short of my requesting such, but I was not aware of his feelings then quite as I am now. Soon enough it was clear I was well no matter how I tried to hide it, what with the nurses who visited daily exclaiming over it, and I was afraid he would do the correct thing and leave me to my own bed. I laugh now to write that: if there is one thing Fowler can be counted on, it is not being proper when the eyes of others are not upon him. He lay down and pulled me into my arms as he had every other night prior, and I have not worried over his leaving from that day to this. Last night, though, he got a bit more... comfortable. I understand sleeping in his clothes cannot be the most comfortable thing to do, even if he does not have the corset I would have to attempt to rest in were I to do the same. But short of a bundling board there is little else that can keep the semblance of propriety between us should there be any reason to question it, and neither of us should like to share a bed and yet be separated by a plank of wood. So that he took off his outer garments is understandable for comfort, but as I must needs constantly remind him, we are not yet wed and so must be keen to obey the laws of society first and see to our own natures second. He of coursed just smiled and laughed and kissed me when I chastised him this morning. And then rolled out of bed and strode out into the hall dressed like that on the way to the showers. I don't know what I shall do with him, besides marry him quickly before some other girl gets a chance. Cheeky git.
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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 7:27 pm
 Entry Seven Charity Lewis' Personal Journal December 25th, 1887 Boston, Massachusetts No one truly needs jewelry in the deepest sense of the word. It makes a fine currency for women in terms of both social cues and payment when taken to the pawnbroker, but still it is not truly required the way food, water, and shelter are. There are many things I would part with jewelry to keep, and have rarely owned any myself. Papa did not like me to adorn myself for reasons of "propriety" which I now know the truth of, but I was permitted to keep the silver hair pin Mother gave to me before she passed. I wore it once, I think, to my Confirmation at the church. Otherwise, it is more of a pretty thing to look at. I have always thought that I shall use it to pin my veil on my wedding day, and Fowler agrees that it is a fine idea. Now, though, I have a new piece of decoration I shall not part with lightly. It is a small, simple, fine little pale gold ring that fits my finger perfectly and is demure enough not to flash without cause. On the outside, it is a plain band, and a heart is engraved within so that it can only be viewed when the ring is not worn. I treasure it so because it sits on my left fourth finger, and my dear Knight was the one to give it to me to mark our engagement. He did not give it to me directly, as is his way, but instead had a nurse deliver it one morning saying that a box with my name written on it had been found, perhaps left by my former maid. I found it more difficult than I used to to smile and agree with her instead explaining the reality of my confinement, but managed. Fowler says I should have been an actress, but does not mean it in a cruel way. I accepted the box, waited until she was gone, and opened it. The ring was lovely, and I sat alone marvelling at it for some minutes until my Knight joined me in the room. "Who would give me a ring?" I asked him. "Perhaps it is your ring and was lost?" he replied lightly, coming to sit next to me on the bed. "I have never owned any rings," I said, smiling over it, "I would remember." "Surely it has been your ring for some time. We have been engage for some months, have we not?" It took me some moments to understand, but when I realized this was his way of giving me an engagement ring to make our ensuing union proper, I acted in a quite unladylike manner to express my joy. Fowler did not seem to mind.
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Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 12:04 pm
 Entry Eight Charity Lewis' Personal Journal January 14th, 1888 Boston, Massachusetts... I believe. I want to say that people are mad here, but of course this being an institution that is to be understood. I mean to say... oh, I really don't know for certain. You'd expect such strange actions from the inmates of this asylum, and looking back I realize I have had it, but not from the staff. Working with the insane can make you so, I imagine, but I would hope it would not make you turn this far. And the nurse said it in such a kindly manner too... Let me describe what happened to make me so worried and unsure, and perhaps that will make sense where I cannot. I was making the bed as I do every morning, while Fowler was off in theory collecting a snack from the kitchen but more likely giving the orderlies trouble. Nena, a sweet and matronly woman who serves as one of the head nurses on my floor, and has always had nice words for both Fowler and myself, came in with fresh flowers 'from my fiance'. My beau is so sweet! They were lilac branches, which are my favorite as he knows, and gave the room a wonderful scent. I was quite suprised by them as nothing blooms in Boston in January, and I could not imagine the expense of a hot house flower, let alone a hot house bush! Nena chuckled and helped my pull the comforter (which I quilted) straight. "My gel, it's plenty warm in the flower house in Durem, and but a ten minute walk from here." Durem? I had never heard of the place, and although it is true I have spent little time in the world, I know plenty of Boston. You cannot live in a place for your entire life and not know something of its workings and names. I asked her what this "Durem" was, and she gave me a strange look. "The next town over, of course. We are closest to Barton and so say we're a part of it, although we do not sit in any town limits proper." to be finished
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