Seishirou
Subaru
Disclaimer: Okay… I DO NOT… Repeat… DO NOT own any of the characters from X or Tokyo Babylon. No matter how pretty they are and how much I’d like to beat up Clamp and steal their hard work… I won’t. Because I love them too darn much.^^ so… Take THIS into consideration while you read:
“I do not own Clamp’s Characters by any means. I do not know all the facts, and I DO NOT claim them as my own or anything in this story to be utter truth.”
With that said… Onto the story.^^
It’s slightly confusing. It moves back and fourth between Subaru and Seishirou. So… We start off with our pretty Bishounen. Cue Subaru.
*****************
You’re Beneath Me.
***
Have you ever heard the fraise; ‘fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree’? Well, in my case Seishirou-san wouldn’t let me fall. He’d let me sit on the branch until I rotted from the outside to the core.
I never really understood why I loved the man, I mean… I was his prey. Destined to live a miserable life. To live and die as an object that was only used for one thing, Seishirou-sans entertainment and delight. He was a man who crept slowly into my life… and now all he can do is hurt me and bring me pain. I have the bruises to show for it.
Have you ever wondered how Seishirou-san does it? Kill people I mean. To see their faces as they die and have a smirk while doing it. Unfortunately for me… the only thing I could ever ask for is for sei-chan to kill me… that smirk. I would rather be cut into millions of pieces and be scattered around the earth than see that smirk. It tells me I’m just ‘Another’ victim he has in his collection. His bloodstained hands mean nothing to me when his arms are around me… when he’s touching me… or even when he’s making another bruise on my body. It’s all I could ever want from him. When he was a veterinarian he had the gentlest hands. Though they were still tainted. If I didn’t know any better I’d think he had the faintest pleasure when the animals died…or when he heard their whines.
***
I couldn’t imagine what goes on in that boys head. Yes, I love him… but that doesn’t mean anything to me now. It has nothing to do with anything. My emotions are smothered when Someone’s blood is flowing through my hands or slithering through my fingers.
Yes, I have to say it gives me pleasure to see people die… hurt… suffer. I love the suffering. It makes me happy. But when it’s my Subaru-kun My heart crumbles. No matter how cold I look to him, my soul is pierced and begins to whither away when he cries… when he’s hurt… when he’s suffering.
I could care less about these people dying. But when it comes down to it… My Subaru-Kun will be the only one left standing… Do you know why? No matter how much He thinks I will or how much be flinches when I move my hand to his face to wipe away a tear… or to taint his lips, He will always be my only weakness, my one flaw. My downfall.
***
Sometimes while I’m lying in our bed with him facing away from me I wonder what he would do I f I touched has bare hip. Would he hurt me? Bruise me gain? Or would be simply move my hand? That’s what I’m really afraid of, him rejecting me, telling me to leave, Or to go away. Sometimes during the day when I’M Crying I come eye to eye with Sei-chan. my eyes meet his cold lifeless ones. When that happens I remember why I fell in love with him because as he watches the tears fall down my cheek his eyes begin to fill with color, emotion. Life.
I don’t think you could ever truly understand See Chan, or my love for him…because they both are mistakes that cannot be taken back.
***
At night I lie awake staring at the wall, while I’m in bed with Subaru… I have so many chances, to tell him I care, to *make* him know I feel, to taint him. But I wonder if the boy wants to be hurt again, bruised. Would he mind if I had my way with him? Would he care? These are things I worry about. Well, not necessarily worry about. But think. It’s just, don’t you think? To think about the one you love… even when you just made him bleed? Cry? Whimper… That is one thing that sets me off, his whimpering, his cries of pain. Slowly they will kill me but for now… Subaru- Kun will have to deal with my bruises.
***
When he has that smirk I know what he’s done, or about to do. I read him like an open book sometimes. But others… I don’t know what he’s doing. Or has done. He’s never gentle with me… but I don’t want him to be. I want those bruises. In my own little way they make me his. His mark is on me. Like white on rice. I keep wondering how I could love him after he took my sister from me. After she loved you as well Sei-Chan. Did you know she loved you? Did you know she wished us together? She wanted us to be together… but not like this. I see her in my dreams and wonder whether or not she would want me to love you if she knew how much pain you’d cause me.
Hokuto… you always warned him… if he hurt me you’d kill him. I hate to say this but I don’t think you could. I think it would happen again the same. I’d love him, He’d kill you, and my life would be owned, by the man that you wished for me. But then again, I wouldn’t want it any-other way. I want him. But if I ever claimed you would you say I couldn’t? Would you look away? The last thing I want you to do is look away.
***
I wonder. If I were to have told you I loved you in the beginning, would Hokuto be dead, or would I? Would you be happier that way Subaru-Kun? Or would it be the same? … She’d be dead.
I can only say it when no one’s listening. So here I go. I love you Subaru, Sumeragi-san; you’re my one and only… my prey.
***
“You’re having a tantrum again Subaru.”
His eyes become blobs as his tears run down his face. He says something to me… but I don’t know, or care, what it is.
“Seishirou! Why do you always do this? I tell you I care and you hurt me, I tell you I don’t and you beat me… but when I tell you I love you… You say I don’t and…you…”
“Taint you Subaru Kun? It that what your trying to get out? Because if you’re done I’m busy.”
I see your face tilt downwards and you make puddles on my floor.
“Subaru… if you could take this elsewhere, your getting my floor wet.”
Your sobs become louder and you yell those three words I wish won’t come from your lips everyday. Even though you know I’m going to beat you for it… do you care what I’m going to do Subaru? Do you…
“I hate you…”
There was more in the sentence but I don’t care. Those three words are all that matters. But you’ll understand in a moment.
I put out my cigarette and set my book down, and slowly begin to rise from my seat. You know what’s coming but you still stand there, in a way, glad that your getting a response. Because pain is all I can give you.
***
You’re taking your time walking to me. But all I care about is that you listen, that you hear me. You lift your hand up and hit me. Another welting blow to my chest, but it always happens this way. You hit me again and I’m knocked to the floor. I know I’m bleeding, you know I’m bleeding, but you keep hitting me. You step on my chest and there goes another rib. But from you, if you hurt me, it’s another emotion I get from you. Another way of you saying, ‘ I hear you. Now shut up.’ You don’t want to here me say I hate you, but you want to see me hurt because I’m causing your heart an emotion. The last thing you hear me do is laugh at you. Because in a way, how I see it is… I won.
***
You know what I’ve come to realize Subaru-kun? You speak freely. That’s one thing you’ll learn to regret.
You also seem to have the same look in your eyes that I have. Why? Why would you choose this for yourself? Out of all the years I’ve known you… you’ve never been so stupid. So why start now?
Subaru… an assassin has no weakness, so I can’t call myself one until your gone, taken care of. Disposed of. I would do it myself… but my body won’t let me.
Some times when I look into your eyes I can’t read your soul. I can’t see your emotion, or what your thinking. But I’ve come to see your silent accomplishments, but no matter what I do, it still ends up with me on you.
***
“Sei-chan? Are you awake?”
There’s no response but I’m use to it. That’s how I know your not sleeping. So I continue.
“Did I make you angry? Are you mad at me…”
Once again your not responding but I do feel you shrug a bit.
“Because I’m sorry…”
Now I’m in for it.
“Shut up.”
You turn to me with one angry eye but no smile, no grin, No smirk. You grab my throat, but I’m not worried, just a bit shocked…but you don’t see it. That’s another bruise.
“Sei- Chan I…” I begin to apologize again.
“SHUT UP.”
You say it louder like you think I’ll understand. But there’s one thing you don’t know…
I want you to hurt me…because I know how it’ll end.
“You don’t know when to quit do you?” You talk to me with anger in your voice. I’m not use to emotion in your tone. I can feel your arm trembling, you want to hurt me but… you won’t. You let my throat go then sink your face into my crevice. Your face is hot. You’re showing me weakness again Seishirou.
“Sei-Chan?”
You move one of your hands up to my chin bringing your face up to mine. You lean slightly over me and you have that smirk again. You press your lips against mine. This is all I wanted from you but some things missing. I feel something on my arm…it hurts. Now this is complete. The bruise on my arm will heal later but for now… I’m pre-occupied with your other roaming hand. When I feel it reach my stomach, I take the chance to deepen our kiss. This is all I get from you Sei-Chan.
All I want… in more or less words…
***
In all the time I’ve ever known you Subaru… you’ve had a specific ‘thing’ about you, that made you different. I’ve finally figured it out. It was me. The only reason your different is because of the Sakurazukamori. Well, I think you like it better this way Subaru.
Without you… where’s my challenge? I’ve come to notice another thing as well. The reason I have no heart… why I’m so cold, is because you took it from me. You took my being. You corrupted me. You’ve made me the worse Sakurazukamori of all time. So, I make you pay every once and a while.
But I want to tell you something. Since you took my heart. I took Hokuto, or in other words… half yours, Heart I mean.
***
Sei-Chan I’ve been able to tell you I love you my whole life… and it was true. Now, if you had told me nine years ago you loved me would it be true? Or would it be another of your lies? Because, you know, I’m used to them.
You always tell me people make mistakes. And when I’m in your illusions, you say you can kill me for them, well Sukarazuka Seishirou I’m waiting for you to make yours.
If you ever want to figure out why I hate you Sei-chan… look at your hands, no there’s not a metaphor in it… I’m talking about the fresh blood on them.
***
Some people in life are made for a purpose. Mine was you. In another sense… the tree. The beautiful Sakura tree, the peddles a radiant pink. They get the color from all the blood shed from others. And well, the hungry Sakura tree which yearns everyday for another victim. It must be starving.
Well anyway Subaru… my life is yours for the taking… I’m just not ready to lose your touch yet, to lose your warmth, your quiet love, you.
***
Tell me something Sei-Chan… why do you hate me? Except for the fact that you and I are destined to be enemies. I mean, you and I have done something wrong, seriously wrong. Everyday your silence pierces whoever is around you. Leading sometimes to destruction of different parts of Tokyo. That rarely happens though, and there you are defying your ancestors. And as for me… every morning and every night I long to be with my sister… and to die the same way, but I love you and could never stand you leaving me. And that’s exactly what you do. And there is where I defy my ancestors, the ‘I love you’ thing. Not only that but I wish you would just kill me. But the question is… could you?
***
Subaru do you know the definition of love? Well, I do, and everyday and every night I try to find some way to deny the fact that I love you. I could never let anyone hurt you Subaru… except for me. And even then I can’t forgive myself. How can you?
***
“Sei-Chan? “
You don’t remove your face from your book, but your eyes look up at me. I’m trying on things at the store. It was your present to me for breaking my arm.
“Yes Subaru-kun?”
I’m wearing a pair of leather pants again, this time though they’re white. And my shirt is also white and it hardly covers my shoulders, while I have another white trench coat on.
“Do I look cute?”
I see your face a bit shocked and then I see your face smile, it’s fake though… I know it.
“ Of course.”
As soon as you finish speaking, your eyes go right back to your book, and you take your smile with it. I feel really bad and roam the store again. I find a pair of black spandex pants, with a white cloth acting as a second layer with holes in it. Then I find a black Shirt, which hangs loosely, and on the sleeves and there are oval like openings on them. I walk into the changing room and again put them on.
“Sei-Chan?”
This time you set your book down, take off your glasses… at this time I think your going to beat me in the middle of the store. You walk up to me and bend down to where you are totally in my bubble.
“What?”
My face flinched when you spoke and my arms raised close to my chest. You know I thought you were going to hit me.
***
You put your arms down and straighten back up.
“Never mind…” Your eyes look away from me. I can feel my face frown.
“Listen Subaru… It doesn’t matter if you look cute or not…”
Your eyes water up. Yes my voice was beginning to sound harsh. Then I try and fix the situation when your head drops along with a tear.
“Because they’ll just end up on my floor anyway.”
You don’t say anything to me but I deserve that. You walk back to the changing room. You come back out in your usual wear. We walk to the front desk and there’s the first outfit you tried on. Of course I was getting angry that was your 29th pair of clothes you had on. We buy them and casually walk out of the store. You finally speak and for the first time your WORDS almost rip my heart in two.
“No… they won’t.”
***
Do you know what words can do to a person, did you know that they could tear a soul into billions of pieces, or shatter like glass? Did you know that there is only one person in the world who can stop you? Because no matter how mad you make any of the others, I will not let them kill you. I have to say, If I am your prey, doesn’t that make you mine? If we’re being fair it does. But I have to put this out in the open. Do you think my name would be odd as Sakurazukamori? Cause I do. I don’t know if I *want* the title Sakurazukamori. It’s a horrible thing to have as a title, almost like putting “mime” on your application, or resume.
***
Subaru-kun, do you love Kamui? I saw how close you two were being. And I’m not too happy about it. You know I can take him … though if the problem Really is that you are in love Subaru, Kamui won’t be the only one hurting.
Subaru, you are the last of a dying breed. And your uniqueness is what I love about you. But in other ways I wish you didn’t have that, because, if you didn’t have it then I would have killed all of Tokyo and its followers by now. My tree would be thriving because well, you couldn’t have taken my heart from me.
***
We don’t talk like we used to anymore. I wonder why that is. Well, I think its cause your afraid of what I might say. I think you’re afraid I might kill you. No not physically I can’t beat you in a fight, or with magic for that matter.
As another matter, you’re a man of silence. I don’t think I’d want you to tell me you love me, because I don’t know what I’d say if you did. “I love you too, Sei-Chan,” and give a fake smile. “R…Really?” my structure falling along with tears, or “ Thank You,” and go on with my day casually.
Hey Sei-Chan? Kamui is most powerful, right… or is it Fuuma. And are you more powerful than Fuuma, because he hasn’t killed you. Has he tried? And Kamui-Chan hasn’t killed you either… well, has *he* tried? Am I the only one who wishes you dead? Oh god, what did I just say… I love you Sei-Chan.
But then again, I don’t think I would want them to kill you. You, Seishirou, are *my* prey.
***
I wonder if Hokuto loved anyone. Was it that man? What was his name? Kakyou? Or was that a one sided love? Because I don’t think she could let anyone she didn’t love kill her… Oh.
Hokuto? Did you love me? Well, I mean Subaru-kun may have been the number one reason you let me kill you, but was I the second?
***
Sakurazukamori-san, your smart, figure it out. Hokuto was a free spirit, do you think she’d let someone she didn’t love, kill her? Seishirou-san, years ago when we were a bit younger she would fight with me over you. I didn’t argue. I knew you were mine somewhere deep down I knew. But do you know what that space currently holds in its grasp? Do you *want* to know? Well, my fantasies. Like Hokuto still alive, you not causing me anymore-mental pain, scars. You killing me and ending this, miserable being’s, meaningless life. It’s closer to the surface now. Every night I think about these things in bed… not with you, just in bed.
***
“Sei-Chan can we go home now?”
“No, ten minutes till closing.”
I slump down in a chair as a lady runs in with a dog.
“My baby was eating and *sniff* he made a muffled sound and *sniff* and he fell over *sniff* and then he *sob* stopped breathing.”
I tried to comfort her as he looked at the dog. Girls would often hurt their animals just so I would hold them. Sei-Chan one time got tired of it and even pulled me away by my belt.
“His lungs have collapsed. To put him to sleep would be the only humane thing to do.”
She cried out into sobs on my chest.
He’s giving me a look now as if he’s angry. More like jealous. Not of me, but of her.
I couldn’t believe what I did afterwards.
“HAHAHAHA! HAHAHA!”
She backed away from me angrily. Sei-Chan smiled.
.“Is there any other way to save him?”
“Yes but its expensive.”
“ANYTHING!”
He picked up the dog and moved into the back room.
***
I’ve known about my power for a long time now. I put my hand onto the dog’s chest. And it began breathing. It was alive.
I walked back out into the lobby.
Subaru was looking at me funny. Damn…he saw me.
“ Oh my god! Thank you!”
She began to reach into her pocket to pull out her wallet.
“ We’ll discuss payment later ma’am. We’ll keep in touch.”
She walked out holding her puppy talking to it funny.
“Sei-Chan what did you do to that dog?”
“Hmmm? Oh. You mean save it.”
“N…no.”
I have to change the subject.
“I mean you touched it and you…”
As he was speaking I was closing the blinds.
“What did I do Subaru-kun?”
“I don’t know but you…”
I *need* to change the subject.
I walked over to him and leant over.
“ Sei-Chan what are you…”
I kissed him, duUuh.
Normally he wouldn’t do this in the shop, but…
He moved closer to me, this time I was the one shocked.
He put his hands onto my face as I moved him onto the counter.
The odd thing is was, when we kissed a Sakura petal fell onto my hand resting on the counter for support.
For once in a long time I smiled, a real smile.
“SEI-CHAN!! Kawaii!!!”
“N...nani?”
My Grin was back on my face.
***
Its weird but… You, or I, will die in a matter of time. So I suggest that you find what you’re looking for then be on your way. But if you were to leave I would be at your apartment the very day begging you not to, even if you had to kill me right there to go through with it.
Sei-Chan, why can’t you understand that I love you? Or how my body everyday has to stop its self from ravishing you. It’s a hard task, but I live with it. Although I just wish that one time, even if it *was* a dream, I wouldn’t have to hold back my lust for you… its, sometimes, so out of control that I have to find excuses not to, that is sometimes why I try to kill you… also because I know I won’t succeed.
***
I make myself hurt for you. Do you know how? That all I could ever want from you thing… I make you hurt. I will never be forgiven. It can only be forgotten. And that is highly irregular.
Now enemy, my life long enemy. Do you ever wish we could just talk, because I don’t. And well, I hope we never do, because the conversation will go like this. Formality, threat, ofuda, I beat you, leave you helpless, we go back home; you hate me silently as I watch your heart in pain again.
***
Hey, Seishirou san… shut it. You hurt for me? You forget who makes *me* hurt. You. But I guess it’s about you now, huh? Odd, but I think the whole time it’s been this way. Even when my eye was taken, it was still about you. You didn’t take it though. That is one of the few reasons I think Fuuma is about as demented as you. But like I said…about. No one could even *think* the way you do. It’s sad, but when I look at you I see an object of my desire as well as my eyes fill with pity. I’m Sorry. Sorry for you.
Seishirou-san, do you know what makes your brainwork? Your insanity. Every will in your body *must* have to work for you to think like this. You know if my heart didn’t break every time I see you smile I might despise you. But, hey, a guy can dream right?
***
Subaru. Subaru. Subaru. There’s something about your name. What is it? But it keeps me coming back to you. But, your pale features… what is it about them? Comparing, I don’t understand how you can have no pigment in your skin. Is it because you’re always hiding? Hiding from me, perhaps? But why hide? I understand that you love me. But its funny how every time I look into your eyes, I see nothing. And in *my* own little way I smile and think, I won.
***
Seishirou, have you no heart!? What? No… why do… never mind. It doesn’t matter. You’re not listening anyway.
***
You knock on my door. I set down my book and take off my reading glasses. I don’t want to answer it because I know it’s you. I want you to leave so I have to think of something. My door slams open.
“Yes? Oh, its just you.” I walk away from my door. You peep in and watch as I sit back down and pick my book back up.
“Sei-Chan?” I nod.
“Can I come in?” I set my book down again and turn in my chair slightly pulling my glasses down.
“No. You can talk from there.” I see you begin to pout again trying to hide how you’re going to cry. My eyes slant a bit more narrow.
“Close the door.” You begin to close it not knowing what I meant.
“Subaru? Are you an idiot? I meant behind you. Close it behind you.” You wince as I speak out idiot and then you step in. I go back to reading. I know you can tell I’m angry.
But your slender body walks to my side. I can sense your warmth. A bit jealous I look back up to you, realizing your crying.
***
I sniffle a bit. I now you’re mad at me. But when I look into your face I can see something. Do you feel sorry for me? I don’t *want* your sympathy!
“Sei-Chan…I don’t mean to… bother you, but.”
You cut me off.
“Come on spill it.”
I almost choke on my tears. I kneel down next to you. And I put my chin onto your chairs arm, knowing I could never touch yours.
“ I just…”
You look at me and now I realized if you were like any of the other seals or dragons, you would kill me. Besides… you put your book down. You must be angry. I start to tremble. You try to fake a frown. You know what I see. Then you smirk.
“ You just what?”
I begin to cry once you finish.
“I feel lonely. And…”
Your face slopes. Oh god, what’d I do?
You turn back to your book.
“Go to your precious Kamui.”
You are so evil. I *will* make you hurt. I *want* to now.
“Oh! Thanks, I’d never thought about that. I’ll see if he’d like my company.”
Your chest looks like it’s collapsing. Like there’s a pain there. But you still won’t look at me. The last thing I do is, say…
“Bye, Sei-Chan. I hope maybe next time I can spend more time with you.”
I know you feel bad but. One time in the nine years since meeting you is no big deal.
I close the door.
***
Subaru… why must you be so tempting? I could simply toss you to the side if you were anyone else on the earth. But… you, I don’t know what it is about you. Maybe it’s your brooding angst? Are you tortured? Well… that sucks for you. I can’t help you. And secondly, I don’t want to.
You… I hate you. You can bring me to my knees with a smile that you force out so you can hide the fact that you are going to cry from me. Damn you. Kuso. You can either make me the happiest or weakest man on earth. And… well, Hokuto… damn you as well.
***
“Sei-Chan… I didn’t want it to end this way.”
You’re lying dead and cold in my arms. Your blood soaking into my coat doesn’t make me feel any better.
I shake you.
“Sei-Chan?”
My thing is crumbling. I really don’t care about what it is… because I killed my Koibito in it.
Kamui, why is it that you run to me? What do you think you can do?
My love is dead in my hands.
I don’t remember how I got here but I’m in my bedroom, or someone’s, not that I care. I haven’t changed my clothes, and the blood is setting. Staining. The color of sakura petals. Seishirou… I loved you, how dare you leave me.
“Hokuto… why? Why….”
Who the hell is knocking on my door?
I don’t want to answer but I mumble something so Kamui enters. We have a conversation I can’t remember taking part in. I don’t know why you feel sorry for me. I hold your hand until we have to part. You leave, as do I.
***
Subaru… my life is yours for the taking… I’m just not ready to lose your touch yet. To lose your warmth, your quiet love, You.
***
Have you ever heard the fraise; ‘fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree’? Well, in my case Seishirou-san wouldn’t let me fall. He’d let me sit on the branch until I rotted from the outside to the core.
I don’t think you could ever truly understand Sei-Chan, or my love for him…because they both are mistakes that cannot be taken back.
If you ever fall in love with a man who can only bring you happiness, you weren’t meant to be together. Because well, in a relationship you’re supposed to fight, otherwise you will never experience pain. And if you never feel pain, your heart looses an emotion. Keep all of them you can. Seishirou lost his. And I took it. And through my whole life I’ve never been able to say a word about how anything would happen or how, but I have something to say. This time I’m the one with blood on my hand and well, Seishirou… I won.
*Seishirou-san, how dare you leave me? I loved you. *
*****************
So… You’re done. You should Reply, now that you've read. (R and R yo.). SHOULD. Don’t if you don’t want to.
Um… I guess… When you reply… Tell me if I’ve made any mistakes and um… Tell me if I should do another of these. Either continuing with Subaru and Seishirou… Or with like… Kamui and Fuuma. Fuma. F it. Anyway… Sorry everyone… I have a hard time not doing yaoi… So um…Yeah. *Ahem. * Yeah. Hope you liked it. Cause I got sick of writing it. (Oh… And for those of you who like Weib/ss Kruez and Prince of Tennis… You should give me Pairings. I DO do challenges.) razz
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