Welcome to Gaia! ::

First, for the obvious things. Pills'er bad, Mmkay? Trying to avoid the pain isn't going to help things. If anything, it'll delay it and make it -much- worse when you actually have to deal with it.

Second, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Love shouldn't be something that you have for someone because of how they used to be. He's a waste of time if he's not going to treat your love like the gift it is. Easier said than done, but try to find someone who's worthy of being loved.

I've been through a similar situation. She broke up with me so that she could have an 'emotionless relationship", and I was crushed. I did everything that I could possibly do to win her back. I tried buying her things, I made her things, I told her that she was my everything. The whole 10 yards. She ended up sleeping with 2 of my friends and telling me about it. All he's doing at this point is using you for the attention that you're throwing at him.

I can be nicer or meaner at your request. I also -STRONGLY- suggest -EVERYONE- read the first 3 posts in this thread . Very very good advice on how to keep your emotional health safe when in a relationship.

What i think with it was mentioned in the post above me and that you are clinging to the guy. One thing about guys they really don’t like having stuff held against them for a long time if its something as small as a name mess up. Take it from another guy. guys will do stuff like that we mess up just like everyone else. Hey i have messed up on names and the name i messed up was my brother and i have known him for 13 years and i messed up his name. its not something to worry about it happens. Mostly when you read the posts that are above me you might wonder "How am I supposed to find who i really am" and with that trust me it takes time. Time is something everyone hates and that’s the only thing that heals stuff like that. There is no easy way out of the kind of hole that your in and you can only get out with time. The most of the pain i believe is from that he is your first boyfriend. Normally the first you try and hang on to as long as possible. My first girlfriend we did nothing hardly hugged but i had her for 7 months because she was my first. My main advice for you is to wait threw it relax and see where life will take you. I’m sure somewhere down the line you will find someone else and you will find yourself with time trust me. Also keep a open mind don’t just think 'Oh he is the one' when your single keep your eyes wide open but when your dating don’t have them full closed. Remember those words and if they don’t make since tell me ill say something about them

The fact is you aren't attractive anymore. The relationship was great until you started getting clingy. No one likes a clingy gf/bf because it becomes too much work to deal with. Now they have to work hard to try to reassure someone who isn't being reassured no matter how hard they try. It becomes annoying and incredibly unattractive. It sounds to me that no matter what he does you're still going to be insecure. Why leave that up to someone else? YOU are the one who needs to work on being secure, not someone else that doesn't even know how to. He's gotten tired of you and there's no hope for him helping you. Take a break. No one wants to be in a relationship like that. You aren't healthy enough to be in a relationship. Period.

Use this time to decide what your strengths are and to work on your weaknesses, right now them being incredibly insecure. You can work on that. Decide what hobbies you like and go for them. Learn to be independent by focusing on your strengths and what you want to achieve. Maybe it's getting into better shape or getting better grades in class. Not only will you be concentrating on something else instead of the hopeless situation you're in, but you're also doing something that you never thought you could do. You'll realise that once you've done this that it is so much better than chasing a dream that will never be.

One thing to watch out for. Don't turn your obsession into your new goals (them being working out or grades, or whatever it is you want to do). You'll be getting out of one disaster into another one. Make small goals instead of a whole big picture. Maybe instead of saying "I'm going to get an A on this assignment," say "I'm going to study 2 hours a night on this assignment." That way it isn't as overwhelming and your new focus won't become another unhealthy situation.

As for the self infliction, that is only making it worse. For the few hours (at most) that you'll feel good by taking pills, cutting, etc., after that's over you feel even more crappy and long for it more. It's not healing you, it's just distracting you for a very short period of time and makes the fall even harder than if you didn't start in the first place. Stop those habits and find a new more healthy one. If you feel like cutting, go for a walk outside. This way you'll take the addrenelin you had from whatever triggered your depression and walk it off. Take the time to feel yourself breathing in the air and exhailing. Listen to the birds singing, feel the wind on your face. Just obsorb yourself in your environment. By the time you get home the energy you would have used to cut yourself or take pills will be gone, and you'll feel much more calm. So think of other [healthy] alternatives when you're feeling angry or depressed, that way you can make new goals and stop the self inflicting habit for good.

Take care of yourself!