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Telling Secrets (short poem)

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Drakansa

Sexy Wife

PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 9:47 am


Words struggle,
Struggle,
Struggle,
In the back of my throat
Trying to find a formula
A form for formless thought

I need to tell you
Need to tell you
But I cannot find a way
I sit and ponder helplessly
And don't know what to say
 
PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 1:18 am


heart Despite what you say, I think you did very well in writing it! heart

the_weird_1


Drakansa

Sexy Wife

PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:47 am


the_weird_1
heart Despite what you say, I think you did very well in writing it! heart

Thank you! heart
PostPosted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 12:22 pm


It needs a bit more punctuating, but it's a very good poem. I love the repetition of words and sounds (particularly 'formula' and 'form'). I think the second verse could do with something like that at the end, actually. If you could come up with another repeated sound, I think that would make it flow better and therefore perfect it.

It's nice to read some good, nonpublished writing.

DepIoying


ziggy128

PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 2:23 am


uhhhhhhhhh witshy washy smile
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The Cranky Writers' Guild

 
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