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 Posted: Sat Oct 14, 2006 2:39 pm
Before I get started, I might as well explain my character's....problems, before you start screaming "MARY SUE!"
Drakan is one of the few survivors of her clan. She has many psychological problems because of this. I don't like to say what they are, so you may have to stick around to where I can get to them. Please, please Read and review, as this is still one of my fledgling ideas.
Thank you.
~Drakan. Now, lets get to it!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ch 1.
Drakan rose up, the lights blinded her. She grunted as one eye winced in pain. "Where...am I?"
"You're in the hospital across town." Rin told her. Drakan's ears went up. Her voice was unusually loud. "I called Kitsuki to drive us here."
"Dra-chan, are you ok?" the girl asked Drakan. She kneeled down and put her hands close to Drakans knees.
"I...I'm not sure. I remember being in the kitchen, and just got done making breakfast--"
"--And you fainted. Hi. I'm Dr. Chase." A blonde man in his twenties or so, with dark brown eyes, in the traditional white overcoat that doctors had. He spoke with an Austrailian accent.
"Are you going to be my doctor?" Drakan asked. But before Chase-san could answer, she half whispered, half said "...You must have given me some anesthetics!...you b*****d.."
"Yes. You were a little bit wild. You almost attacked both me and Forman."
Drakan looked away. The pain...the instinct to fight everything that moves... It...its happening again!
It was a disease that only she could get; well, her and her brother. They didn't need to worry. She was going to live. She smiled. Might as well play with them, much like that of a cat-and-mouse type of game. Drakan was curious as to who her doctor was. "Hey..." she glanced at the doctor's name tag. "Chase, are you my doctor?"
"Thank God, no. Your doctor's name is House." He said as he checked the moniter.
"...When will I meet him?...if I'll even get too."
"Probably not. He may be off doing something he likes to think of as busying himself so he can weasel out of being around patients."
----
House was sitting at his desk, playing his PSP, when Cameron came in with his mail.
She put it down on top of the other stack of papers that were so much more important than getting to level five, or four, or whatever level of Metroid Prime he was going for. "Cuddy needs you in exam room 4."
"Humn. It's either stay here and not talk to a patient, or be told lies. Which one?"
Cameron sighed. The only way that his patient was going to get treated was to explain her symptoms to her boss. "Rin, the girl that was with her when all of it happened, said that she heard Drakan, your patient, screaming in pain, then fainted."
"Give her some --"
"I'm not finished." House looked up at her and straitend up. Cameron knew that she had his full attention now. "She almost attacked Chase and Forman. They had to pump her with 10,000 C.C.'s just to calm her down."
"But that would kill an elephant..."
"Obviously it didn't, 'cause she's awake." She dropped the file into his lap and smiled, "Get busy."
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Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 12:14 am
Ok, here's one major issue I see developing in this fic::
-The use of Japanese honorifics
I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I just don't think it works well in a setting involving House. And you used them at the beginning and then never again.
Another thing, WATCH YOUR GRAMMAR AND SPELLING! This is just me being nit-picky (I'm a grammar nazi. XD *points to signature*), but in my opinion, there is nothing that ruins a good fic more than poor grammar and spelling.
I think if you watch out for stupid mistakes and keep things consistent, this fic has the potential to be a very well-written, interesting story. ^_^
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Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 5:53 pm
Ack! What...was that? -majorly confused-
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 7:33 pm
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Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 12:04 am
RamiaAnimorphis Ok, here's one major issue I see developing in this fic:: -The use of Japanese honorifics I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I just don't think it works well in a setting involving House. And you used them at the beginning and then never again. Another thing, WATCH YOUR GRAMMAR AND SPELLING! This is just me being nit-picky (I'm a grammar nazi. XD *points to signature*), but in my opinion, there is nothing that ruins a good fic more than poor grammar and spelling. I think if you watch out for stupid mistakes and keep things consistent, this fic has the potential to be a very well-written, interesting story. ^_^ She's right about the Japanese-isms, it practically reeks "fan work of a 12 year old." Ears ummm fox people, bad, over played idea in general neutral not very House.
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 6:42 am
Yes, it absolutely reeks of 'fanwork of a twelve-year-old', except to maybe... people in Japan? I mean, perhaps I'm wrong, but considering the fact that they're actually a part of speech in Japanese... ah, never mind. -_-
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 3:24 am
Innakita_Rin Yes, it absolutely reeks of 'fanwork of a twelve-year-old', except to maybe... people in Japan? I mean, perhaps I'm wrong, but considering the fact that they're actually a part of speech in Japanese... ah, never mind. -_- I'm sure people in Japan speak japanese... that's not the point I'm making. It's a distinctly over played and tacky idea to put japanese terms like "kitsune" in fanfiction. Not to mention House does not equal anime or anything even remotely japanese. (If I sound outragiously harsh please forgive me I mean no offense, I just like the meaning and intent behind my words fully understood. )
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 6:34 am
i like it, but the japenese theme is a little out of place w/ house, but i'd like to read more of it
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 2:50 pm
Your writing skills are great, but the idea is too far off from House. I mean, clans? Seriously. No offense, but this is House MD, not Naruto. Also, watch your descriptions (Chase has blue/green eyes, not dark brown.) Plus, how many clans are there in a 21st century city? Somehow, I don't think many.
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 11:03 pm
~ K E S ~ Your writing skills are great, but the idea is too far off from House. I mean, clans? Seriously. No offense, but this is House MD, not Naruto. Also, watch your descriptions (Chase has blue/green eyes, not dark brown.) Plus, how many clans are there in a 21st century city? Somehow, I don't think many.
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 8:22 pm
Boudicae ~ K E S ~ Your writing skills are great, but the idea is too far off from House. I mean, clans? Seriously. No offense, but this is House MD, not Naruto. Also, watch your descriptions (Chase has blue/green eyes, not dark brown.) Plus, how many clans are there in a 21st century city? Somehow, I don't think many. That is why I said that the idea is too far off from House. House doesn't take place in Uraguay. It takes place in the city. Unless anime-land is across the street, then there wouldn't be clans nearby.
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