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 Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 12:09 am
My best friend...Mel, love her to bits, but right now...she hates me why? Because I had sex before I got married.
She used to be so understanding and caring now she hardly talks to me and doesn't even contact me at all. It's like...I did something bad. I love my boyfriend and we wanted to do it so we did.
She's like really religious and told me I would go to hell if I didn't stop, I know for a fact that aint true and I do my own thing and she can't tell me otherwise.
But I just dunni what to do.
For examples look below.
I was at hers for a few days (long weekend as she had a few days off work as she had an op.)
My boyfriend went to work up near where his ex girlfeiend lives so he went to see her to tell her that he couldn't talk to her anymore as she was just making his life hell, now on the sunday night when I got to my friends house he called me up and was really upset.
He said he was going to crash the car and break up with me, this in turn upset me a lot and I ended up being sick because I was so worried about him.
My friend Mel, told me to get rid of him as he is not worth it, I ignored her as I knew him better than that.
Second time was when I was at home and he got upset again and wanted me to go to his at like half 11 at night which I couldn't had another friend who shouted at me for playing to his emotions and wanting to screw me life up so I am told.
And now I am still with him, three months down the line heh, but the thing is they don't understand that he is a manic depressive and can get like that.
Mel don't evne bother to understand him at all, and I almost lost him because of her.....what do I do?
She doesn't care as long as I am not in any kind of happy state anymore, all that matters to her is that I am on the lead and it's pulled tight.
Should I just leave it alone now? Just see if she bothers to ever talk to me again? I know she will never stop loving me as a friend but is it right to keep on at me and saying that she hates me and my boyfriend and that I have fallen to evil?
Manda x
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Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 3:00 pm
That is a hard one.
I have people come in and out of my life for one reason or another.
You have to understand she does care about you.Sounds like she does alot.
The things she strugggles with are her beleifs and her thinking her beliefs are right and the only right way to live.
Hun you cant change that in her.
I would say I would ride the wave, wait it out.
You cant beg for her understanding, she either accepts your life style or she doesnt.
No sence keeping people around you, who condemn you all the time.
But I would be open to her if she does call,a dn remind yourself it may be the type of situation where she really doesnt need to know everything about you all the time.
Especially if she cant handle it.
As far as her not likeing your b/f you cant change that either, but ask yourself the reason she doesnt like him, does she have a valid point?
Is she worried about you and where that relationship will lead?
Is she looking out for your best interest cause if she is, why give up a friend like that?
You might want to tell her you understand her point of view, but its still a life experince you want to take right now.
Then dont drag her into things when they do go bad, it was your choice.
Gotta suck them up when it happens and you saw red flags.Ya know?
Remember too its really good to be there for people but it also understanding when they need alot more help then you can provide and if they dont get help, sometimes we have to walk away.
Cause we cant help people who dont really want it.
Depression requires alot of outside help, doctors, shrinks, sometimes meds, if you help find that kind of help and he is willing that is fabulous, but if he isnt you need to ask yourself how long can you really hang in there?
5 years, 10 years, 20?
Dont sacrfice your own well being ya know?
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Posted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 7:30 am
thankyou for the advice, my boyfriend is actually seeing someone about his problem and since he has been with me he has had no problems because he is happy.
She called me the other day and we are ok, she just wants to get on with her life and just looks out for me when I need it, she's like my big sister to an extent.
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Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 2:01 pm
one how old are you?? and only 3 months you shouldnt of had ssex wioth him, two your friends not a true friend if she cant accept you for yuo, everybody dont have to be a religious pyscho like hjer ehem no offence and 3 you bf, is really stupid if hes even thinking of dying because nomatter what it wont happen untill the times right.. i use to be like him i was in the hospital for 7 months lost everyone i ever loved, and now i relasped and am screwed over, i dont want him to go through what ui had to, he has no real problems in his life so theres no real reason for him to act crazy maybe after he losses his granpa, grandma, dad, mom, brother and 4 of his bff's he has a reaosn but not right now... so ye.... this probably didnt helpe at all but im just trying to prove a point becauase people who make threads like this really makes me pissed off because they just seem like little 14 year old babies... again no offence but i cant take this bull.. so.... yea.. just tell him to calm the frick down before he does some real damage
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Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 4:02 am
I'm almost 20 (20 in may) and I had sex with him because I love him and we connected in such a way that we even want to get married and have children.
He was in hospital at one point because he almost killed himself, I have seen some of the pictures of his cutting...and they are just so....nasty.
He has not had a low since he has known me and my friend cant see that.
Her boyfriend is now stirring things up so she is on his side, but I don't care anymore.
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Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 1:46 pm
The whole thing with your friend, the first thing is that it is your life and not hers. But she does have a good point. If she is your best friend then she will be there forever. I have a poem in my signature. I thinik you should read it. It is the second one. I believe in that poem and I plan to live by it. That is my advice.
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Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2006 9:48 am
I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time with your friend and the reaction in which she has in regards to a choice you have made.
In truth, though she is religious...she cannot judge you. She can like anyone else, share her thoughts as well as oppinions on the matter. However, she cannot condemn you to hell. That is something for God alone to do.
As of how to approach your relationship with her. Remember, that neither of you is perfect and try to exercise patience with her. However, should she continue to persist to pressure you, nag you, or treat you in a way that you feel is rude, cruel, malicious, or judgemental. You may want to consider giving her some time as well as space.
It is likely that she feels disappointed perhaps even betrayed at the choices you have made....did you make any promise to stay pure?
Do you share similar beliefs as she does? If so, or yes, to any one of the two. That could explain much of what is going on between the two of you.
Just try to take it one day at a time one step at a time. If the two of you are friends, you will find a way through this.
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Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 8:43 am
Well she seems to be a bit unreasonable in this area, so I think you should try and avoid going there with her about what you do with your boyfriend, maybe you could lie and say you've not had sex again, sure, it's not the truth and you shouldn't have to, but to avoid awkwardness sometimes you're gonna have to bend the truth a little bit.
You are in the right though, and I'm sorry that she's being like this, really you should be grateful that you're not uptight like she is, and try and move on with life and progress the relationship despite her.
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