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 Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 10:23 pm
i just finished typing up a lil bit of it
here it is
i hope you like it
"the ********?" Axel rose to the yelling of Xehanort;he looked to his side to see his"little kitty-kat" Roxas. Axell woke up Roxas and went to the living room of their apartment."Yo! I won some crazzy s**t!" their leader yelled out."huh"mumbled a half asleep Roxas,he was thinking of why he was awake at three in the morning."i won free admission to some fancy hotel; I only have two tickets so do you lovebirds want them?" their leader had calmed down awfully fast. "pool?"axel asked"sure!,"Roxas was apauled at Xehanort's kindness,"we'll take 'em off yer hands!"he finished
"pool?"Axel was angered,he stole Demyx's drugs the day before.They continued to ignore Axel "POOL!!??"he yelled as he asked to get their attention."yeah don't fret there's a pool."
"Roxas,pack your bags we leave now!"Axel obviously wanted that alone time."okay give me ten minutes and i'll be ready to go." The first real thing Roxas said
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Onward!"Roxas yelled out,he was finally fully awake."Yes let's go!"Axel was definately excited(HINTHINT). the two males were still in there doggie covered blue pajamas,roxas though about when they got each other them last christmas."Roxas,you daydreaming?",axel wanted him to hurry up"get in the car!"
"oh,sorry"he gave Axel a kiss to shut him up;then gotin the car,and got ready for the weekend of his life.....
do you like it?please answer cuz i want to know if it's a good start
also i need a drawing of axel and roxas playing water volleyball if possible for one part in the latter of the story
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Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 10:59 pm
My main complaint would be the sheer lack of grammer... But, I'm assuming that this is unedited, so that's no big deal, right? That can always be gone back and fixed. Hm... The idea of Axel and Roxas spending a weekend at a hotel sounds nice; I don't usually read AU fics, if that's what this is, but it's still a nice concept and I'd give this particular situation a look. 3nodding
There was also a fair amount of OOC... *bites lip* I'm sorry to say that, but it's true... I mean, blue doggie covered pajamas...? I really can't picture Roxas EVER buying those, let alone a matching set... neutral
It's a start, certainly, but I wouldn't advise publishing this on any fanfiction sites yet without some serious editing... Many people would flame you for this, just from spelling mistakes, y'know? sad
...I'm trying to be as kind as possible. When I started writting, I mean, those first few flames I got... They really, really discouraged me, and I don't want that to have to happen to you - or anyone else... But... this sample really has a lot of problems... and I feel horrible for saying that, but... cry
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Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 11:54 pm
Oh, and this should be in the Fanfic Post thread.
Thanks.
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Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 6:16 am
Scathach13 My main complaint would be the sheer lack of grammer... But, I'm assuming that this is unedited, so that's no big deal, right? That can always be gone back and fixed. Hm... The idea of Axel and Roxas spending a weekend at a hotel sounds nice; I don't usually read AU fics, if that's what this is, but it's still a nice concept and I'd give this particular situation a look. 3nodding There was also a fair amount of OOC... *bites lip* I'm sorry to say that, but it's true... I mean, blue doggie covered pajamas...? I really can't picture Roxas EVER buying those, let alone a matching set... neutral It's a start, certainly, but I wouldn't advise publishing this on any fanfiction sites yet without some serious editing... Many people would flame you for this, just from spelling mistakes, y'know? sad ...I'm trying to be as kind as possible. When I started writting, I mean, those first few flames I got... They really, really discouraged me, and I don't want that to have to happen to you - or anyone else... But... this sample really has a lot of problems... and I feel horrible for saying that, but... cry ou yeah this is unedited,i just wrote it at midnight..so i didn't figure it would be that great.when you say "problems" do you mean grammaticly?or do you mean as it's is like a messed up thingimajigger? also about the pajamas,he bought a pair of them for Axel and vice versa.do you think i should finish the story and then post it up here at all?
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Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 9:42 am
It might be wise to listen to Torrina... The reason I got away with mine (I think), was because it wasn't a fanfiction thread... I was asking for artists to help me out, whereas you're asking for that as a side-thought. I think. I'm not entirely sure.
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