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 Posted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 8:05 pm
Heres one of my poems i wrote >.>
My best friend
Her parents are divorced
His dad beat her everynight
But everything was alright
Because Her best friend was there
A button nose, glass brown eyes
And a smile that was always there
A little bear who was her best friend
A friend who was always by her side
They alwasy talked to each other
Saying it was going to be alright
But one night her dad came home drunk
Screaming "Its your fault, You ruined my life!"
He beat her for a hour not regretting what he's doing
He stabbed her with a knife not careing that shes gonna die
She lay there, dieing on the living room floor
She grabbed her friend, and held him to her chest
And so she died, with her best friend in her arms
She died with her friend, always by her side
its a little sad,its a little unfinished so feed back ok? sweatdrop
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Posted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 8:08 pm
Wrong forum. This should be in the writer's forum.
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Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 12:58 pm
It's a wonderfully somber idea. Maybe some more emotion and images would help it.
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Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 2:28 pm
sad emotional, you got the right idea but but more feelings in it.
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Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 4:45 pm
so, who's her best friend?
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Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 5:41 pm
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Posted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 12:59 pm
Hey man, welcome to the forum! XD
Could you please change the title of this thread to the form: "Your-Name / Your-Real-Or-Fake-Age / A-Short-Description-Of-Yourself-Or-Thread"
eg, mine is Sairus / 19 / Tale Spinner
It just helps keep the forum neat and tidy... and that last part of the title can be pretty much anything you want XD
Have funnnn~
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Posted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 10:13 pm
It is such a sad topic, but something that all of us could feel. I would have liked it better if you had more imagry. Right now it is very blunt. If you added some metephores and such, it would be better. Other then that, it was nice. Keep up the good work, kiddo.
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 9:45 pm
I liked the poem good job.
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Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 9:35 pm
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