Okay, I'm sure many of you saw my "Hiatus" topic in the "Other Conversations" topic, where I mentioned my girlfriend, Lydia and stuff. I always described her as so perfect, but in reality, she wasn't.
Hold up, I need to go back a bit, first. We broke up about a month ago. I just didn't feel it was really neccessary for me to post about it. This has just been stuck in my mind and I feel the need to get it out, now.
She had something that annoyed the ever-living hell out of me: She was extremely religious. I'm talking she lived her LIFE by the Bible, went on mission trips, the works. Why's that bad? Well, it's not. I really didn't mind that at all, since it meant she was a very moral person, which I actually loved about her. What part of it DID bother me was that she preached to me constantly. Now, I'm not a religious person, but I'm certainly not an atheist. I've studied religion on my own to no end. I haven't really found one I feel is right, so I'm agnostic. She would always preach and preach, trying to make me Christian. I had told her my views, and I had told her that I didn't want to be forced into religion--that I needed to find what was best for me on my own.
She kept on pushing and pushing, and we'd get into little bouts on the subject from time to time, but it was never serious--voices were never raised. One night, however, she didn't stop pushing, and her tone became sharp. Her voice started to raise, and mine would soon follow. We ended up yelling furiously at each other. I've never yelled at anyone in my life (other than my parents and my sister, but that's different). I didn't even raise my voice to my past exes when I found out they'd been cheating (oh boy, there's a bunch of Soap-worthy tales). The look on her face and in her eyes was terrifying . . . She was always so sophisticated and gorgeous, never looking angry at anyone. We yelled and yelled and yelled, until she said, "Ryan (that's my name, by the way)! I can't be with someone like you--someone who won't accept Christ as their Lord and savior! WE'RE FINISHED!" and then stormed out.
We haven't spoken since.
The strange thing is, however, that I felt no remorse nor did I feel hurt. Never in my life has a connection been severed so instantaneously.
What bothers me is that she called herself a good Christian girl (and until that night, she seemed it), but then she went and did what she did. Nobody who calls themself Christian, or relgious at all, should act the way she did. In fact, it's people like that make me turn from religion. How can someone who is so good at heart be so cruel? There are times that I think religion is actually a hinderance to social advancement and human evolution. Religion starts countless wars, costs countless lives, and causes great grief to many. People become consumed with religion to the point where they're labled as "extremist". They take things too far and start trying to force their beliefs onto others, and, well, we all know where that leads so I don't even have to go on.
I've had some wild stories when it comes to relationships. I tell you this (and what their stories are) to provide a point which I'll get to.
My first relationship lasted two years. It was decent enough, but I wouldn't call it "special" when it comes down to it. We were both quite young; seventh grade is when it began. I thought things were going smoothly, especially for a first relationship. And then it happened: I walked in on her making out with another guy. And do you know what she had the nerve to say (and it's going to sound like it's would fit right into an Adam Sandler movie)? She looks at me, looks at him, looks back at me and says, "I think we should see other people." I stood there in shock, not knowing how to respond. After a moment, I just turned and walked out without a word. Like hell I was going to waste my breath and my time on someone who has the nerve to do that.
My second one was online in the summer between 9th and 10th grade. I'd known the girl for a long time, and I knew she had some, well, promiscuous tendencies (but she hadn't really acted on them). We went for a month and it was, again, decent. I then learn that she's been cheating on me in a horrible, HORRIBLE manner: she not only slept with someone else, but she slept with two people--at the same time!. Again, I somehow end up being the one that gets dumped. Now, it didn't take long for me to get over that one, and after a while I just didn't care. We've talked some since then, and she's a better person now (she made some terrible choices and it cost her a lot of friends, and that opened her eyes), but we still don't talk much (maybe once every six months, if that).
My third relationship was phenomenal. It began on Haloween, which is kind of nifty (not to mention an easy to remember anniversiary date <_<). It lasted a good six months, ending on in the spring of my Sophomore year. We were amazing friends and had practically everything in common. Why'd it end, then? Frankly, I'm not fully sure on the reasons, but I didn't mind a whole lot because it ended on good terms and we remained the best of friends. Her name is Christina.
My Junior year, well, kind of sucked. No relationships whatsoever (I tried, but I just couldn't make it happen).
Come fall of my Senior year, I find a girl named Kelsey. The actual beginning of the relationship was one of the more romantic things I've ever seen. We met by being seated together in my zero hour class (optional class that's an hour BEFORE the first class). We were both in the back row of the class, and just started chatting. We'd always say good morning, always smile at each other no matter how tired we may have been that morning. One morning, we were watching a movie in class, and the lights were off. I feel her head rest on my shoulder, so I put my arm around her. That was it: we were a couple. I always kind of found it strange that she would want to play a game with me. What was it? We couldn't introduce each other to our friends (though we did already know a couple of them by chance, but nobody too close). Whoever was the first to crack would have to do one thing the winner wanted, no matter what it was. Of course I told my friends of her and of the little game, no matter how odd it seemed. It was actually a really good relationship while it lasted. We would sit in the park at night, just talking on the swings, things like that. I got *ahem* closer to her than anyone I'd ever been with before. I wanted to end the game so badly, but I wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of beating me in something else (she was in Cross Country, and we'd always race. Needless to say, I always lost. Damn, was she ever fast). One day, I happen to be talking about her with a friend in a coffee shop I used to frequent, and someone at the table next to us hears me. He comes over and starts asking some questions about my connections to her. Turns out they'd been dating for several months. Freaky coincidence that we'd be in the same place at the same time. We were both shocked at this, so we confronted her together. She didn't know what to do, and just broke down crying. He tried to console her, but I just couldn't do it. I was too appauled at what had happened, and that I was the person cheated WITH, this time, rather than ON. Infidelity is one thing that I just have no sympathy for. I ended that one after only two short months. I still feel sick for what the two of us did together. Makes feel like she was a prostitute or something.
Spring of my Senior year I had a couple of other relationships that lasted only a week or two due to just blatant incompatibility. Nothing too interesting.
Summer passes. Lydia comes along. Lydia goes.
I'm still best of friends with the ex I mentioned earlier, Chris. Since we broke up, we'd both dated a couple of other people. She had just gotten out of a terrible relationship with a complete a*****e (I may touch on that at a later time), and I had always been there for her to comfort her. We got to talking, and something occured to us that, to be honest, we'd both known for a long time but just didn't want to admit: we still had feelings for each other. Well . . . it wasn't more than a couple of days after the whole Lydia incident that we got back together, and we've never been happier. We both have infinite trust in each other, infinite patience, the works. We have never, EVER gotten into an argument in the entire course of our friendship and relationship(s). Quite frankly, we're like a couple ripped out of a romance novel or something. My friends have told me the same thing, and they all agree that we'll probably end up tying the knot down the road (and the subject's come up, actually: we both have no doubts about it). We always get called adorable for the way we play around with each other (even though it's not a term either of us care much for). She's religious, but not in the way Lydia was. Chris is a mormon (and no, whatever you think of thier religion, you're probably wrong. It gets a ton of blatantly incorrect stereotyping. In reallity, it's Christianity, but with more focus on being a good person rather than being overzealous with religion. Heh, to be honest, I read the Book of Mormon and I'm checked it all out, and I do have to admit it seems like the most logical of religions). She's talented with everything she tries (and that's not exaggerating, either), she's modest, she makes a lot of her own clothes, she's smart smart smart, and well, look at her!
She's just wonderful in every last way.
However, it makes me think: can everything that happens REALLY all be by chance? Do we really have the power to choose, or are our choices mapped out for us? Do we just think we can choose, but really we aren't? I mean, I went through so many poor relationships, and then I found Chris. We split apart, had a few trials, and then got back together after realizing just how much we really love each other. Breaking up strengthened our bond, strangely. And then I look at the many things that have happened over the course of my life, and I begin to link little things together. It all seems to fit together a little too neatly . . . For example, I can link several bad events together, and I look at their effects. I start linking them more and more, and I realize that they all worked together to cause something amazing.
I've touched on many, many points for discussion here, so there should be so many things to say. Just pick what you want.
(On a completely random note, one of my friends is an atheist, and she told him at one point that if he didn't accept Christ, he would burn in Hell for eternity. He looked at her, laughed, and said, "Do you expect me to start believing because you say I'll go to Hell? I'm an atheist! I don't believe in Hell!"
I found it hilarious.)
