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 Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 4:33 pm
There are 8 Characters (main) Charlotte(Charlie),Valerie (Val), Bill, Nick, Nicole, Andrea, and Dahlia and Isabelle.The animal begins killing them off, they fall into a hidden mine shaft, find some whole-new forest and a guy that Charlie (Charlotte) falls in love with but he's got a deep secret. Werewovles and other mythical creatures live in the forest and every human who comes in... doesn't come out. The guy is a werewolf and he's often used by his clan of werewolves to lure the humans further and further in and they kill. The werewolves are all humans but stay in their forms. they can only tansform to humans on the full moon... except the wolf who lures them. He can change whenever and lures the other humans to death. If you're bit or scratched and live, but thats rare, you turn to a werewolf, oh, and their immortal, you still live, but you're a werewolf. It's hard for them to except you into the pack but they will come round. If they rip your head off, well, you're dead. You can kill them but they cannot die of age, so they can still live as a werewolf for 100 years and still be young. The guy they meet falls in love with Charlie and refuses for her to be killed, they kick him out because they love to eat humans but only rarely eat one because so few find the mine. They exile him and are about to kill him but he escapes, and it becomes a desperate chase of cat and mouse it ends with him getting killed, Charlotte trying to forget the whole ordeal of her lost friends, Dahlia, Isabelle and Andrea, and trying to live normally again, getting together with Bill and it ends with a werewolf killing her. =} I know, I'm so pleasent.
And that's my story idea, and I'd love some feedback on what people think of it. Copywright to me, not that anyone would steal it anyhoo.
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Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 4:46 pm
some poems of mine:
As I lay in my blood wishing for love
Holding a bloody rose with a black glove
Gasping in pain and crying sorry tears
As my blood rids me of all my fears
My blood keeps me warm but yet I’m still cold
The knife I hold wins and I fold
Maybe in another life I’ll be free
Where I could be who I want to be
Feeling trapped by my broken heart
Shattered glass within its drunken art
Forget my heart and grow my spirit
Listening to my soul as I crave to hear it
While I wish to change who I am today
In my shell is where I choose to stay
But if I could
And of course I would
I’d spread my wings and fly away
And up in the sky is where I’d stay
And fly above the highest mountain
And drink from the everlasting fountain
And I’ll live forever being me
For that is who I want to be
My blood flows out and I’m weak in the knees
I’m aching all over as I feel a gentle breeze
Oh god I’m dying, I begin to think
As I finish the last of my hard drink
I stop feeling pain, I stop feeling anything
And I fall to my death, in full swing.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I feel out of place
In this awkward space
Grow out my angelic wings
Singing a song good news brings
Spread them out and be proud
As I soar above the hishest cloud
Fly above the highest mountain
And drink from the everlasting fountain
Flying free and being me
Long forgotten who I used to be
Living along the wildest dreams
Just as easy as it seems
-------------------------------------------------------------
Powerless to his overwhelming might
I cry in pain and in everlasting fright
from his wild black hair to his dark eyes
and his strong leg that pains me when I cry
he says he loves me but why does he hit?
I just don't know, is love filled with kicks?
I run for my life one night, from him and my fears
I hide in a cave, cuddle with a rock and dry my tears
But in the morning he finds me again
he kicks and hits worse, I'm going insane
Once again I try to run
but with out haste he takes out his gun
and slowly he reloads his barrel
as I say my prayers and my farewell
he shoots and I shriek in pain
in another life, I shall have my reign.
-------------------------------------------------------------
(I've more I'll psot later)
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Posted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 4:31 am
Wow that story was hard to read! XD Paragraphs are your friend! XD XD
Sounds like a solid idea, could turn out very nicely with a bit of work... I like the Charlotte/Lure mechanic, could be fun to mes around with.
I'm not a big fan of opetry, so I didn't read that I'm afraid...
Also, the formatting of this forum is the same as in the main forum, so you should rename your thread to the Sweetest Desire/112358/Story Idea layout.
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Posted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 11:05 am
Sounds interesting. Complicated, but interesting. If you want, I can write this story for you, all that I require is for you to PM me specific things you want, and a deadline.
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Posted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 5:47 pm
Hmm thanks for the offer but no thanks Strife, the funnest part is the writing!
And oh yeah I didn't notice that thanks Sairus I'll change the title! *dense* Thats better if you don't read the poetry, I'm crappy. lol
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Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 6:43 pm
i like the story idea..ts something i would read..
the poems..i loved them..i think they rock..! 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 11:55 pm
hint:
on your poems.
don't rhyme with two lines.
rhyme with four.
it just sounds better.
for example.
two line rhyming
"As I lay in my blood wishing for love
Holding a bloody rose with a black glove"
four line rhyming
"Lead me from this tunnel
of death, destruction curse
bloody lines of freedom
cannot make it worse"
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 9:48 pm
I personally say avoid rhyme as much as you can... you sacrifice word choice for rhyme in your case. Like the mountain-fountain lines... it's like that part in "I am the very model of a modern major general" where he stops the song to find something that rhymes with "strategy."
speaking of which:
I've information vegetable animal and mineral, I am the very model of a modern major general!
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Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 8:56 pm
Your story idea sounds interesting. I hope I can see some of it written.
In your first poem, you use the word "blood", or variations of it, an awful lot in the first few lines. You could try using another word, or maybe a metaphor.
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