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 Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 4:17 pm
But this is what's currently my novel. I hate the way it's going and will probably end up re-doing it majorly...sometime. If anyone has any suggestions, I would absoluetely love them.
So I basically despise chapter six. I don't want to end up with Archaedus transferring his powers to her. I think I may make it that she has had the power all along...but I didn't really want to do that. Any suggestions?
Also, the book needs a title, chapter six actually needs a name, and the whole things needs A LOT of work.
By the way, this is the book my roleplay's based off of, but in the roleplay I have it that Archaedus didn't give Ari his powers.
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 4:18 pm
Chapter one-The beginning
An old, wise-looking man stands in front of a long table, as 15 anxious looking people stare up at him expectantly.
“It is starting.”
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 4:20 pm
Chapter two-The change
Arianna gets out of the taxi and looks up at the tall, handsome red brick building that would be her home for the next nine months. Neverwhere Academy Dormitories: Building C is written above the door. The cab driver honks impatiently, and Arianna realizes she hasn’t paid him yet. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out the money her aunt had given her, counting out eleven dollars and handing it to him. As the cab drives off, she turns and inhales the scent of freshly cut grass. “Mmm. Smells like soccer.” She says, to no one in particular. She holds a small white slip of paper that almost seems to gleam in the bright sunlight, and glances at it only long enough to see “Room 316” written on it. Her bags are set on the grass around her feet.
Arianna had spent her Freshman year of high school at Novak High school in her hometown of Novak, South Dakota. She had lived there all her life. She knew everything about that town, and she was quite comfortable there. It was the kind of town where everybody knew everyone else, and Arianna loved that.
Her freshman year had been a bit rough, but she got through it with decent grades and a spot on the school’s soccer team. Soccer…quite possibly the only thing that got Arianna through life sometimes. She breathed soccer. Admittedly, she wasn’t the best player in the world, but her love of the game was enough to get her a spot on the team, and that was enough for her. That summer she had been packing for her three-week soccer camp when her parents called her into the living room. “Arianna, we have to tell you something.” Her dad had said, pointing to a chair for her to sit down. He looked serious.
“What‘s going on?” Arianna had asked, growing slightly worried.
“Well, I got a promotion.” Her dad said timidly.
“That’s great!” She said excitedly. “So why do you look so dejected?”
“Well…if I take the job…We’ll have to move.”
“Move…to where?”
“Poland.”
“POLAND?!”
“Yes, Poland.” He said calmly. “However, you don’t have to go to Poland. We have arranged, if you so desire, for you to be able to stay in the United States.”
“I‘m listening.”
“Well, there’s a slight catch. You’d be going to boarding school. The school is called Neverwhere Academy, there’s a brochure on the table if you want to look at it.” He pointed to the coffee table, where a long brochure with smiling people stared at her.
Arianna picked up the brochure and looked at it. The first thing she saw was the location: San Diego, California. Hundreds of miles from her friends, her school, her whole life. Of course, Poland was a lot further than San Diego…and there were no new languages to learn if she went to Neverwhere. But surely her parents weren’t actually going to let her stay…They had separation issues when she was gone for the weekend, let alone for nine months while she was at school.
She put down the brochure and looked at their faces. “So, you’re really going to let me stay?”
This time, her mother spoke. Her voice wavered a bit, as if she already knew Arianna was going to want to stay. “Yes. I have a sister out in San Diego who would be around in the case of an emergency. If you really want to go to Neverwhere, you can.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sure you know we want you to stay with us. But I also know change can be hard, so we’re going to try to make this a little easier. If you don’t want to have to go to school in Poland, you can stay here.”
Arianna had looked at both of them. “I’m staying.”
She looks back up at the building and takes a deep breath. She was alone, her parents were already on a plane to Poland and her aunt was in the hospital, in labor. She had had to take a taxi to her new school.
“Here goes nothing.” She says, picking up her bags and pushing through the revolving door. She blinks at the sudden change of lighting. The room is spacious, with big, squishy couches and a fireplace for the cold winter moths. It is cozy, in a personally impersonal sort of way.
She looks around and spots a stairway with “Girl’s dormitories” printed above it. She heads toward the door, struggling with her heavy bags as she walked. Why did I bring so much stuff? she thinks as one of her five bags slipped from her hand. She looks at it and gives an exasperated sigh.
As she stands, contemplating how to pick it up without dropping everything else, a hand reaches out and grabs the bag. She looks up into the brightest blue eyes she had ever seen. Partially covering the left eye was a lock of bleached blonde hair. “Need some help?” The boy asks with a smile.
“Thanks.” She says, smiling back and handing him another bag. “I decided to bring my entire room with me.” She shrugged.
“What room are you in?” He asks, heading up the stairs ahead of her.
“316” She pants, struggling under the weight of the three bags she was still carrying. When he pauses, she motions her head. “Keep going, I’ll be there eventually.” She reaches the room a full thirty seconds after the boy and drops her stuff in the hallway. She tries the door and finds it locked. “Crap. Now I have to find the key in this mess.” She sighs, waving her hands at the many bags sprawled across the narrow hallway. “I know it’s in one of them. Which one…that’s another story.” She unzips the first bag and begins taking out it’s contents: a soccer ball, cleats, shin guars, and shorts. She reaches into the bottom of the bag and pulls out a small golden object.
“Got it!” She cries, holding up the key triumphantly and pushing a strand of brown hair out of her face. She put the key into the lock and opened it with a click. She turns back and looks at the various objects strewn across the hallway. “I haven’t been here five minutes and I’ve already turned this place into a pigsty.” She says with a laugh, kicking her stuff inside. “Hmmm…nobody here yet. I guess I can claim the top bunk, then.” She unzips a light purple duffel bag and pulls out her bedding, throwing it in a heap on top of the bed. She begins personalizing the room, putting her alarm clock on the bedside table and hanging a few posters. She begins looking around and realizes that the boy is still standing in the doorway, still holding two of her bags. “Oh. Um….You can put those wherever.”
The boy walks inside a bit and sets the bags down next to the bed. “I’ll see you around.” He says, turning to leave.
“Hey!” Arianna calls to the retreating figure. “You never told me your name...”
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 4:21 pm
Chapter three: The place
The man walks down a dark alleyway in the middle of a shabby London neighborhood. He is tall, lean, and extremely old. His expression is troubled, and he walks very quickly, as if it is urgent he gets to the place he is going. As suddenly as he appeared, he seems to vanish.
The man arrives at his destination, many miles away from the alleyway. He walks up to a rustic building and taps the bear-head knocker three times. The eyes of the bear seem to flash, almost as if with recognition, and the door creaks open. The man steps inside, dust billowing up with every step he takes. The hallway is dark, and the building, which was apparently a house many years before, has not been lived in for ages. There is an air of neglect to everything.
A small room to the man’s right, which was once a living room, is the only indication that anyone has set foot in the house in the last few decades. The room is filled with blueprints, stacks of paper completely covered in writing, and an assortment of books, most of which lay open, scattered on every available surface. The man enters this room.
“I was wondering when you would get here.” comes a devious voice from the corner. The man turns to the source of the voice, a dark, menacing-looking man of about thirty.
“Aaah, James. I expected you would be here.” the old man says into the shadows.
“Is anyone with you?” the one called James asks, a hint of nervousness showing through his cool façade.
“No, I am alone.”
James steps out of the shadows, looking worse for wear. He no longer looks menacing, simply exhausted. “They’re getting stronger.” He says sadly. “They’ve almost completely taken over Sandica, and there’s talks of them moving on to Wisterson. They’ll have the entire West if we don’t do something soon.”
“We must be patient. If we try to fight them now, we will lose. We need the girl.”
“Why aren’t we getting her, then?” He cries, throwing his hands up in the air. “You always say we need the girl, but then you tell us it’s not the right time to get the girl! If we wait much longer, there won’t be anything for the girl to save!” His voice rises with every word.
The old man stays calm. “As I have told you, patience. We cannot get the girl until the time is perfect.”
“But what if they move before we do? They know too. They could easily get her on their side, or kill her, or…”
“Do you think I have not thought of all of this? I have people watching her at all times. When the time is right, Stephen will bring her here.”
“People are dying!” James shouts. “Look at me, I haven’t eaten in three days! Everyone is afraid of what’s going to happen, and you’re sitting back like it’s no big deal! We need to start stepping up and fighting, not sitting around watching while people die!”
The man sighs. “James, you are not thinking right. You are letting your losses get to you. Think about it. If we don’t do this at the correct time, we risk exposure, not to mention the downfall of our entire plan! We have to make sure conditions are stable, that no spies are watching, that the girl will come. Do you really think that she is going to come skipping along? We have to prepare for every possible situation.”
James sits down on a couch, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. “You’re right. I’m sorry I lost it, but my family…to see them like this….” He buries his face in his hands. “I don’t want to lose them. We’ve lost so many already.”
“Yes, we have. I am afraid we will be losing a lot more before this is all over.”
He walks over to one of the books. “On the seventh day of the ninth month, she will learn her fate.” He reads aloud. “It is the eight month. We shall act in three weeks, on the seventh day of the ninth month. You should know this, James. We have read this time and time again. We cannot refute what is already written.”
James nods, then jumps as three bangs echo through the hallway.
The old man looks up, unfazed. “That will be Naomi.”
The two are silent as the door creaks open and footsteps echo the hall. A thin, pale woman enters. “James, what are you…Oh, never mind.” She turns to the other man. “The girl is in place. Everything is going according to plan, and there do not appear to be any spies. However, I don’t expect that to last very long. How are we going to pull this off?”
The man smiles at her gently. “You too? James is also doubtful. The plan will work.” He chuckles at the dubious looks from both James and Naomi. “How can I be so certain?” He points to the book he had just read out of. “It is already written that the plan will work. As long as we stick to this, everything will work out.”
“The prophecies have been wrong before.” Naomi speaks up.
“The prophecies were not wrong. They were interpreted wrong. There is a difference, Naomi.”
“How do you know you’ve interpreted these right?”
“These are the clearest prophecies I have ever read. Fifteen people, including yourself, have all interpreted them exactly the same way at different times. You must have faith, Naomi.”
“How can I find faith when people are in so much danger? They’re getting stronger every day.”
“And they will continue to get stronger. Do you not remember the prophecy? ‘They shall grow in strength and number day by day, spreading their destruction over the West, until the seventh day of the ninth month, when the girl arrives to redeem the land.’ The girl will not come for another three weeks. Until then, I am afraid they will only continue to get worse.”
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 4:24 pm
Chapter four: The meeting
“Skyler.” The boy had said as he left the room.
That was three weeks ago, and as Arianna lay on her bed looking at the pictures of her family taped to her ceiling, she was still thinking about him. Skyler was Arianna’s only friend at Neverwhere so far. Moving from a small town to the big city was rough on Ari, and she wasn’t taking it well. She was totally lost. Every weekend, the students were allowed to explore the city. Arianna had been once, and she had gotten so horribly lost that she vowed never to go again.
It was a Saturday, and nearly the whole school was on one of these trips. The few that did stick around were either sick or stuck doing homework. Arianna seemed to be the only one who stayed behind by choice, except for Arianna’s antisocial roommate, who made it very clear that she simply wanted to be left alone.
She enjoyed having the school to herself. It gave her time to explore. She had already found a haven to call her own: down a deserted hallway was a set of stairs that led to the roof of the dormitories. The roof had a beautiful view of the San Diego skyline, and nobody except Arianna ever went up there. She had set up a lawn chair and battery-powered radio in a spot that always seemed to be sunny and went there to escape the world.
A soft breeze through the open window ruffles Arianna’s hair. She tears her eyes away from the pictures and looks out the window. It’s an absolutely gorgeous day, and Arianna decides to escape to the roof. She grabs a magazine and some suntan lotion and heads down the hallway.
The sunlight beating on Arianna’s skin starts to make her tired. She closes her eyes and allows her mind to wander. She smiles as the sun warms her, and thinks of how cold her parents probably are over in Poland. A shadow crosses her face and she opens her eyes to see a dragon. She shrugs and closes her eyes again, drifting back into dreamland…Suddenly, her eyes pop open. A dragon?! No…it can’t be. She rubs her eyes and looks again. Sure enough, a dragon is slowly descending toward her.
Arianna opens her mouth to scream, but no sound comes out. She begins to get up to run away, but at that moment, the dragon catches her eye. Wait…this can’t be. I must be dreaming. She pinches herself. Nope. Not dreaming. She continues to gape at the massive dragon flying toward her.
The dragon lands as Arianna regains control of her legs and gets out of the chair, preparing to run. As she stares, the dragon begins shrinking. In a matter of seconds, it is no longer a dragon, but a human of about 21.
The man bows. “I am Stephen.” He says, straightening and looking at Arianna. “ I apologize if I frightened you by my dragon form.”
Arianna closes her eyes for a moment, as if she could wish him away. She opens her eyes and looks at Stephen. “What is going on here?” She asks shakily. “Who put you up to this…nice hologram. How did you pull it off?”
Stephen smiles, but it is a sad smile. “This is no trick. You may want to sit down for this.” Arianna sits.
Stephen takes a deep breath. “There is no easy way to tell you this. Firstly, you need to know of my world. I come form a place called Lestauna. It does not exist in this dimension. We are currently at war.
Arianna interrupts him. “So, why are you telling me this? I’m in the wrong dimension, right?”
Stephen sighs. “Yes, but you are the most important person to Lestauna at this time. You will help us with this war.”
“Hold up…Me?! No, you have definitely made a mistake. I’m no the ‘save an alternate dimension’ type. You’re looking at the wrong girl.”
Stephen doesn’t seem phased. “Look, I’m not the best person to explain this to you, but it is already written in our prophecies. You are the right person, there is no mistake.”
“You read those prophecies wrong, then. I’m the last person anyone would pick to save a country…er…dimension.” She walks to the edge of the roof and looks down. “how do you know it’s not her...or her…or him?” She asks, turning again to face Stephen. “What makes me so special?”
Stephen reaches into a pocket and pulls out a slip of paper. He begins to read. “’The one to save the land shall be born on the third day of the sixth month.’ Your birthday is June third, is it not?”
Arianna gives a weak not and opens her mouth to speak, but Stephen doesn’t give her the chance. “She will be of the Tempolic dimension.’ Tempoli is the name my people have given the dimension we are in now. ‘From the place called Novak.’ You grew up in Novak.”
“How did you…know…that?”
“We know many things about you. My people have followed you closely.” Her reads on. “’She will be called Arianna Marie-Grace Brooks. At the dawning of her sixteenth birthday, on the seventh day of the ninth month, she will learn her fate’” He looks up at her. “If you know another person that fits this description, let me know. If not, we need to get to Lestauna.”
“How do we get there?”
Stephen extends a hand, palm up. Suddenly, a shining, silvery-purple waterfall of a thick substance pours out of the sky, cascading in front of the two of them. “We will take a portal. You will have to ride on me, because that portal will put us in the skies of Lestauna about one thousand feet in the air.”
Arianna looks from the portal to Stephen. “How do I know you’re the good guy? If I’m the ‘savior of the land’ or whatever, there’s probably plenty of people that want me dead. How can I be sure you’re not one of them?”
Stephen nods. “We suspected you would think of that.” He reaches for his sword and unsheathes it.
Arianna steps back toward the door, ready to run. She doesn’t look away from Stephen for anything. He holds the sword with one hand on the handle and the other on the blade. He then lays the sword down and steps back. “Take my sword. You are now armed, while I am defenseless.”
Arianna picks up the sword. A strange sensation runs up her arms. She swings the sword slowly a few times, as if testing it. “Yeah, but you’re a dragon. I wouldn’t call that defenseless.” She says, leaning on the sword.
“You are absolutely correct. I am a Halfling, meaning I can change form. However, dragons in Lestauna are nothing like dragons this dimension dream up. I do not breathe fire. I am not indestructible. If you attack with that sword, my dragon form will do little to protect me.” He looks directly into her eyes. “Please. You are our only hope.”
She looks back and suddenly feels that everything will work out. Inexplicably, she can tell this is the good guy. “I guess I have no choice.” She says. “Let’s go, then.”
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 4:27 pm
Chapter five: The man
Stephen nods, then transforms into a dragon once more.
“Climb onto my back.” echoes a voice in Arianna’s head. A look at Stephen confirms the voice is his. She climbs up and grips the gigantic neck as tightly as possible.
Stephen spreads his wings and flies into the portal. Arianna looks up and sees a place that looks exactly like something out of a storybook, rolling green hills with trees scattered about. The only difference is the sky. Instead of blue, it was a pale shade of lavender. The voice echoes once more. “Welcome to Lestauna. By the way, happy birthday.” She smiles and continues to look around, and to the west she can see a deep grey fog resting over the land.
“What happened over there?”
“The west is now controlled by our enemies.: The voice comes. “They spread destruction in their path. That fog is smoke. They have burned down four major cities and countless smaller towns.”
“Do they have a name?”
“You will find out everything soon. We are nearly there.”
As they fly, the countryside becomes more clustered with trees. Stephen files down into a small clearing and lands. Arianna jumps down, and Stephen returns to human form. “We must walk from here.” He indicates a small dirt path. “I will lead.”
They reach the house with the bear-head knocker. Stephen taps it three times, and the eyes flash momentarily before the door swings open. Stephen leads Arianna to the side room. The old man is seated on a couch. He rises and bows when Arianna enters the room.
“Ms. Brooks. What a pleasure it is to finally see you in Lestauna.”
Arianna fidgets nervously. “Um…call me Arianna. So…are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
“I will.” The old man nods. “I am Archaedus Senectus. I trust Stephen has told you why you are here?”
“I’m supposed to save this place, apparently.”
Archaedus smiles. “Yes, yes you are. It was written centuries before you were born that you would be the savior of this land As you know, we are currently at war. A group of people who call themselves malissimusts are trying to take over Lestauna, and they are spreading death and destruction everywhere they go.
“The smoke…” Arianna mutters.
“Yes, they are particularly fond of burning things. We have lost a lot to their burnings. However, the fire is the least of our worries. These people are famous for control and manipulation, magical and non-magical alike.”
“Magical?”
“Yes. Lestauna is a place of magic. Our magic is limited more than some other dimensions by far, but magic does exist.”
“What do you mean by limited?”
“There are four types of magic. The first is physical, which includes Stephen’s shape-shifting, among many other things. This is the most broad type of magic, and how our magic is limited. We are not able to do many of the subcategories involved with physical magic. The second is mental. This involves telepathy, divination, and contact to the dead.”
Arianna gasps.
“It is not a gruesome as it may seem. We use a mirror to contact them, established by the person before they die. When you contact them, their reflection is exactly as it was before they died. It is an extremely helpful branch of magic.” He pauses to think.
“The next classification, the supernatural, is by far the most complicated. This involves elemental magic. Elemental magic, as it sounds, allows the caster to control the elements, but also allows the caster to control the weather. This is the magic most used by the malissimusts. They use the weather to destroy and threaten. It is also the only magic that has no defense against it.”
“So how are we supposed to stop them if they’re using magic that we can’t defend against?”
“We fight back. The elements are structured in a way so that you can cancel out one attack with another.”
“So, if they’re creating fire, you fight it using water.”
Archaedus nods. “Yes, theoretically. However, there are consequences to this. Elemental clashes, as they are called, happen when two opposite elements collide.”
“What happens?”
“Time is stopped for a few moments. It throws our world off, and some people are able to avoid these effects. This is the greatest weapon the malissimusts posses.”
“They’d be able to attack you….and you would be defenseless.” Arianna says thoughtfully.
“I am glad to see you are catching on.” Archaedus smiles at her.
“So how long do the effects last?”
“Ten minutes.”
“How do you….oh, so you’re one of those that isn’t affected?”
“Yes, and you will soon be able to, also.”
Arianna looks at him skeptically. “How? I can’t do magic.”
“That will become clear later. For now, we have some things to attend to.” He puts out a hand, as Stephen had done earlier, and a portal appears. “Behold, the fourth type of magic. Transport.”
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 4:28 pm
Chapter six: The ____
Archaedus steps through the portal, and Arianna follows. They step out into a small town, and as Arianna looks up she realizes Archaedus is already walking down the street. She hurries to catch up with him. He walks with a purpose, and Arianna almost has to jog to keep up with his long strides.
“Hey!” Arianna cries as realization dawns. “You never explained to me how the magic here is limited.”
“I did not.” Archaedus nods. “As I have already told you, magic is divided into four categories. However, these categories are furthere divided into sub-categories. Whithin the physical and mental aspects of magic, Lestaunian magic is limited.”
Archedus stops walking for a moment and reaches into his coat pocket. He pulls out a small object and holds it in his palm, and Arianna sees that it is a snow globe.
“What…oh, never mind. I don’t’ want to know.”
“It is simply a directional device. Only I understand it.” He states, taking off down the street. “Now, as I said, Lestaunian mental magic is limited. We cannot predict the future.”
“So, how do you have prophecies if you can’t tell the future?”
“There is an ancient stone building called Oraculum. Inside it is a single stone plillar. When a new prophecy is made, light radiates from the building and the prophecy appears on top of the pillar. We do not know where these are coming from, but a prophecy has never been wrong.”
He looks at the snow globe again, then up at the house on his right. “This is it.” He walks up to the door and knocks.
A middle-aged man answers the door. He is drak-skinned, with s hort black hair, an dit appears he hasn’t shaved in a few days. The man beams. “Archaedus! It’s been too long. Come in, come in.” He ushers th two indise and notices Arianna for the first time.
“No…It can’t be…in my house…No, there’s no way…”
Arianna blushes. “Um…Hi. I’m-
“Arianna. I know. As you have probably learned by now, you’re a legend here. I never thought I’d meet you, and to have you in my home…It’s an honor. Would either of you care for a drink?”
“I’m sorry, Mathias, but we do not have the time.” Archaedus speaks up. “We have simply come here for help. I need to get to the Fields of Change, an dI know you can open a portal to there.”
“The Fields of Change? But that’s only for-- Archaedus, you can’t be planning to--”
“It must be done.”
“Archaedus, we need you!”
“We need Arianna more.”
“Why must it be you? Anyone could do it.”
“Do you relaly want just anyone?”
“Well, no, but there’s got to be someone!”
“I have given this much consideration. It is best for Lestauna if I do the task.”
Mathias sighs. “I trust you, so I’ll open this portal. However, I do not agree with what you are doing.” Mathias reaches out his hand and the shimmering waterfall appears. “Good luck, Archaedus.”
Archaedus motions for Arianna to come toward the portal. She hesitantly steps forward.
“I will go first, an dyou muts immediately follow. The portal will close quickly. Also, once you step out, do not move. The Fields of Change are extremely reactive. If you step in the wrong place, something less than desirable may happen to you.”
Arianna nods. “Don’t move. Got it.”
Archaedus turns to Mathais. “Thank you. I expect we’ll see you again soon.”
“Goodbye, Archaedus. Arianna, the pleasure has been mine.” Mathias states with a slight nod.
Without another word, Archaedus steps through the portal. “Bye!” Arianna calls as she rushes into the portal.
She steps out into a field, with short-cut grass and pathways of some sort cutting through it. Archaedus is about a foot to her left.
“Only walk where I do. Stay on the grass.” He warns her, and he begins to walk. Arianna follows, watching both him and the ground. He seems to be heading toward the very center of the field.
“Why did Mathias have to open the portal? Couldn’t you have done it?” Arianna asks as they walk.
“The Fields of Change are not only a dangerous place, but a sacred one. Only ten people in Lestauna can gain access to them. We do not know how or why these people are chosen.”
Arianna nods and continues picking her way through the field. They walk for about ten minutes before Archaedus finally stops. “This is the place. Arianna, you will need to stand there.” he points to a lavender circle, which is enclosed along with another light blue circle inside a larger circle. All of the pathways of the fields are coming out of this circle.
“What are we doing here.” Arianna asks, looking at the circles and everything around them.
“I am going to transfer my magical powers to you. You are in greater need of them than I.”
Arianna looks at him, surprised. “You can transfer your magical powers?”
“Yes, although today I will not transfer all of my powers to you. Only half.” He steps onto the light blue circle, and waves his hand ]toward the lavender one. Arianna steps onto it.
Suddenly, the two circles light up. Archaedus places his hands on Arianna’s shoulders, and a tingling sensation spreads from the place his hands are resting to the rest of Arianna’s body. Archaedus lifts his hands, and the tingling stops as the light fdes.
“It is finished. We should st--” He stops talking quickly, and looks up in alarm as a swirling wind begins to blow around them. “How…? Arianna, the malissimusts are coming. We must go.” He opens a protal and pushes her through it.
She lands in a large room with stone flooring. It looks like a ballroom. “This way.” Archaedus orders, heading into a side room.
“We must hurry. The malissimusts will be able to track our portal within thirty seconds. We will keep taking portals until I feel safe.” He opens another portal and Arianna steps through, nearly falling off of a bank into a lake.
Another portal…a forest. A fourth…a deserted street.
Archaedus reaches out his hand for a fifth portal. Nothing happens.
“I am weak from the transfer. I cannot call another portal. Arianna, you must call one.”
Arianna calls the portal to the one place she feels safe…her roof. The portal shimmers in front of the two and they step through. As soon as they reach the roof, Arianna prepares for another call, but Archaedus stops her. “How could I have been so forgetful?” The old man laughs. “Interdimentional portals cannot be tracked…we are safe now.”
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 7:10 pm
In case anyone is unsure, that's all I've got. You can post now.
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 3:32 pm
I like it. I think. I'd need to read more. I noticed a few spelling errors, and that you had problems with verb tense in a few places. I'm not feeling to hot today, so I'll come back later when I can focus and be more specific about the tenses and spelling.
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