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 Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 2:17 pm
Okay, tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my brother's death. Elysa, his girlfriend (basically my sister), is holding a bonfire in memory. I normally wouldn't mind going, but if I know Elysa, and do-there will be alcohol. My mom came over this morning and asked if I was going, and I said I didn't know. Then she said "You're going." In my brain I'm thinking "Why'd you ask me if you're not giving me a choice?" And what really ticks me off is that I'M 20 FREAKIN' YEARS OLD AND DON'T LIVE WITH HER! AND SHE STILL TRIES TO BOSS ME AROUND! I wanted to say "I wouldn't mind going, but knowing Elysa there will be alcohol there, and I don't want to be near the stuff." But I kept my mouth shut.
*Screams.*
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 2:39 pm
AWE!! *hugs* Don't get too mad. If you really want an excuse not to go, tell them that you have a prior engagement to take care of. Or simply forgot(wait... that only works with me...). As for your mother, the only thing I can sudjest is moving very far away from her. Put an ocean between you two. Then fight over emails if you want to get your point across. ANd make duplicates of the conversation!! always helps to have proof.
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 4:31 pm
Is your mom a member?
If so, just go, and don't drink anything.
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 5:21 pm
Riffe Is your mom a member? If so, just go, and don't drink anything. Not that I doubt anyone's character, but thats almost like asking somone to put a lit cigarette (I think I spelled that wrong, but for that word thats probably a good thing) in their mouth and ask them not to breathe in. Possible, but a dangerous situation. Again, I'm not saying that if you do go, KittenFreak, you will drink, but the truth is, the closer you get to it the more likely it is that you'll become part of it. Stay away. But now you need an excuse. This isn't hard. Just tell people that you plan on remembering your brother a different way. They can't really argue with you there. If they do, just tell them again "I'm going to remember my brother in other ways." Now, about your Madre, well, if its really a problem, remind her that you are an adult, and if you don't live with her then she really can't boss you around. Also, you have your own free will to decide what you want to do.
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 7:07 pm
Forget the alcohol, what about your brother, shouldn't you be supportive?
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 9:07 pm
Riffe Is your mom a member? If so, just go, and don't drink anything. No, I'm the only member in my family. Ocarina: If I ever get the nerve to do that, I'll tell you. Riffe: I do remember my brother, and I think about him every day. I just don't trust drunk people, and I'll feel like they'll try to get me to drink.
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Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 6:17 am
I think you're probably right to stay away, depending on how MUCH alcohol will be there. If Elysa will have a glass or two of wine (a moderate amount) then I see no danger. I'm sure you have the willpower to say no thank you to a glass. If however there will be tons of alcohol and drunk people then yes, I'd suggest remembering your brother some other way. With lots of alcohol the question isn't your willpower it's the alcohol-influence decisions and actions of other people.
I must say I disagree with the post comparing putting a lit cigarette in someone's hand and going to a place where there will be alcohol. True some situations, like bars and clubs, are better avoided under any circumstances. On the other hand, a quiet gathering of responsible people should be no trouble.
There is nothing inherently evil in alcohol. The Word of Wisdom asks us to refrain from drinking it but Jesus Himself promises to drink of the fruit of the vine with us on His return. His first miracle was to turn water into wine for a wedding. You don't need to fear alcohol itself.
Besides, how can you be a light and an example to others if all you do is hide away? (Again yes, going to a rave or some other place where there's lots of mind-altering substances to virtuously refrain from them in front of people would be stupid. Judge each situation.)
I'd tell your mom what your issue with the memorial is. I doubt she understood the reason for your hesitation and it hurt her; I feel that's why she then ordered you to go.
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Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 10:18 am
I've been an example ever since I joined the church, and I've been ignored.
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:47 am
You don't know that. The thing about being an example is you may never know in this life how you've influenced someone but I assure you, your light will go with those around you to light their steps when they need it.
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 11:38 am
I think I know how you feel. Your mother assumes a LOT of untrue things about you and what kind of person you are by forcing you to go, and abuses her authority as your mother by assuming these things, pushing you around according to them, (NOT according to anything you've ever said or done in her presence), and assuming ultimately that she did the right thing without considering your true feelings or discussing the matter with you to any degree further.
Whether she says so or not, she expresses distrust in the feelings you had for your own brother by assuming she needs to force you to honor him the way other people want you to.
But as hard as it is, (and I KNOW it's hard), go back over the facts of the situation, and remember that she acted this way in complete disregard for your previous actions and current feelings. It has nothing to do with you. It is HER problem.
Maybe she's just the sort that needs drama in her life, and to be in control of all of it, or she wouldn't have said it that way. It probably has a lot to do with how she grew up. There could be a million reasons why she behaves this way, (maybe her own mother is a soap junkie).
All you can really do is try to remember, (even though it will often only be between you and the Lord), that when she assumes these things and treats you this way, even though she is your own mother, it is truly NO reflection on your character, or the person you have become. Continue to be the best person you can, regardless of what anyone (and that means anyone), says to you or assumes about you, or how they treat you. And try as best you can to be patient with your mother and her problem.
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