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 Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 6:59 am
It's kinda hard to tell what you're talking about. Pain shooting up your leg can be almost anything. You might want to be a bit clearer about exactly what went wrong.
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Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 6:38 am
Um.. You said you take critism well or what not, so here it is. You are way too descriptive. And when I say that I mean in a bad way. You are way too wordy and your description is kind of confusing. You need to be a lot clearer about what is going on. I have trouble understanding what you are talking about. I realize you injured you ankle, but that doesn't come through clearly enough. You need a lot more clarity. And each of your revisions becomes more confusing. You end up leaving more stuff out. I'm not sure what to tell you to help you, but try not to be so wordy and flowery, you are telling us a story, not trying to flower us with your language and description and metaphoric language. Oh yeah, why do you hate 5th period and what does that really have to do with injuring your ankle?
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