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| Moving in with your parents to send your kids to private school |
| Yes |
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15% |
[ 6 ] |
| No |
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43% |
[ 17 ] |
| Not sure we could put up with them |
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25% |
[ 10 ] |
| Not sure they could put up with us |
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15% |
[ 6 ] |
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| Total Votes : 39 |
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 Posted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 9:12 pm
My husband had an idea the other day. He suggested we move in with my parents in a few years. We would sell our house and use the money to send Ben to a private school. They have a big enough house and a large backyard. They are also in their 70's and might need help around the house. My main concern is that we would be losing some of our privacy. I would also be able to work full time. We don't want to say anything to them until we have discussed it some more.
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Posted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 10:46 pm
You would also be losing any right you have to making the house rules.
My personal vote on that is ,'no.' That and I find it rather rude to impose yourself on your parents like that. It would be one thing if they offered, but it sounds like you're just going to ask and assume they'd want to lose THEIR privacy and freedom. If my kids ever did that to me, I'd just tell them no and to figure out some other way to work their finances, because I'm not going to carry them at a time in my life where I'm probably not going to be super affluent myself.
Now I think in the right situation that generational living like that is great, but in this one, I don't think it's appropriate to impose like that.
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Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 8:25 am
I have to agree with Manda here.
Especially since you already live on your own. You have already established yourself. I wouldn't even bring it up because implying that they won't be able to take care of themselves is one of the biggest insults you can make. I realize that you wouldn't be doing it on purpose, but that's how they might view it.
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:42 am
I would also say no, for the reasons Panda and Manda listed above.
I'm only 20, and have been out of the house for less than a year, and living with my boyfriend for less than a month, but I've already decided that I won't move back in with my parents unless it's an absolutely last resort.
To me, sacrificing money so my son can go to a private school and moving back in with my parents isn't a last resort. It's something you can work around or find an alternative to.
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 12:42 pm
I'd just like to say that I live with my parents, and love it!
We have a split level so we have our own space. Things maybe different for you, but if you are really close with your parents and think you would enjoy being around them, then it certainly has it's advantages. I think for a lot of people it wouldn't be a good situation, but it really just depends on your family dynamic.
It was a bit of an adjustment from living on our own, but I am very glad we did it. I know my parents love having us here too, my mother is disabled and I help care for her. She helps me with the girls as much as she can. The kids really love being here with them too. So I am going to say if your family is close like mine, and you feel your parents would be glad of your help then go for it. It's how most of the rest of the world lives, so it can't be to bad an idea.
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 12:49 pm
Well, in this situation, I'd say no.
Not that I haven't lived with my ILs and they are wonderful. I really didn't have any issues whatsoever when I lived with them. It was really nice and I enjoy going back home and staying at their house everytime.
However, I didn't see anything in your post about what they wanted. I agree, that it does seem rather presumputuous on your part to not mention their lack of privacy and to hint that they won't be able to take care of themselves. I know that's not exactly what you meant, my ILs are older and I do worry about them quite a lot, but they have that independence. Also, they will obviously be footing quite a bit when it comes to bills, what would you be contributing to them?
Also, I think it's a bit wrong to want to move in just so your kid can go to private school. This is an issue that you've had at least 3-4 years to think about and plan for financially. I know we've had our tough times financially, but I want to set a good example for my son about making it on your own and not impose myself on others. Unless something out of my control (i.e. my husband dying), I wouldn't force myself to move in with my ILs, I love them too much for that. Whatever works for you, but it seems a bit off and perhaps it being their lives, house, money, etc. it would be best to talk to them about this. Good luck.
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Posted: Thu Aug 31, 2006 12:53 pm
Well, my question is why are you putting your child through private school and are there any alternatives? Such as a really good home school program?
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Posted: Thu Aug 31, 2006 2:43 pm
If it were me, I'd say no, but then again my parents (one in particular) is CRAZY, so that makes a difference.
That aside, I'd have to agree with the current sentiment. I'm a person who highly values privacy and independence, so this would not be ideal for someone like me.
Also, I do have to kind of agree that you seem to be assuming that your 'rents will want this as well (going off the info you posted) and that would be imposing as far as I can tell. And that'd make me uncomfortable as well.
It'd be one thing if they'd offered or had asked youto come move in and help them out some, but the way you've stated it sounds like imposing. sad
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Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 11:18 am
When we were financially strapped, living w/ my in-laws was needed. In this case though, there are so many alternatives you could look to, that asking yours if you can move in just doesn't seem right. Does the school have assistance in tutition? Does your state? (some do) I've attended both private and public schools.... what's your reason for sending your child to one over the other? What about moving to a small home or apartment?
Just somethings to think about.
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Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2006 7:40 pm
I live with my parents. We are trying to save for a house. It's my parents, my sister, my grandmother, me, my husband, my stepdaughter and my son... scream
I love having babysitters at my constant disposal. But, I hate not having control of the household. Especially when it comes to people not respecting my and my husbands rules for the kids. If we say "no" his stepdaughter finds someone else to ask. It's frustrating. Not to mention cramped.
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Posted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 12:13 pm
Hmm, I'm with those who have mentioned that you need to consider what your parents might want before you simply make the decision to move in with them. Cuz honestly, its not fair for you and your husband to make decisions about their private lives to simply benefit yours.
My husband and I used to live with my mom. And as much as we loved it, we had our own space, and we miss her terribly; its also nice to have our own place to raise our son in without having to worry about whether or not "Nana" is going to agree with our decisions in regards to our child.
Also, like KEdakumi and Crystalmuse asked, what are your motivations for sending your child to private school?? Do you have specific reasons??
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:48 am
There are several factors you, yourself have to think about before talking to them....
1. How did you and your parents get along when you were growing up?
2. How do you and your husband get along with your parents?
3. How well do your parents tolerate children being in the house... Can they handle the yelling/screaming/running around that a child will naturally do?
4. Will your parents allow you to be the one to discipline your child.
5. Will you allow your parents to discipline your child if the situation calls for it?
6. Do you have siblings who might consider this a strain on your parents in their advancing years.
7. Did you attend private school when you were growing up, or did your parents think that public school was best for you?
8. What would your spouse's parents think of losing some of that precious time with their grandchild in your home, after all, you won't have YOUR home for them to come to and visit- Would your parents feel comfortable letting you just take over the house you grew up in as YOUR home now?
See, it's not just a matter of you and your parents' home... but these little things that are actually HUGE stepping stones.
If you can answer these questions to yourselves in a favorable light, then and only then should you consider talking to your parents about the possibility of this move.... And please, don't forget, if you have siblings, to discuss this with them, also. After all, these are their parents too!!! They will want to visit their parents and bring their families over to the house, and won't want to feel like they are intruding .
It's not just your immediate family involved here, there are a lot of other people you have to take into consideration.
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