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Mark: "How did we meet? Travis and I were having a**l sex in a bathhouse, and Tom walked in and asked if he could
join in."
Tom: "No, I walked in and pulled the fire alarm."
Mark: "Tom pulled the fire alarm and Travis and I ran out. You
know how dogs have sex and can't get disconnected? The p***s swells inside the victim? Well, Travis took off and I was stuck in him."
Tom: "Come on, we need a better story than that."
Tom:"We all met skydiving. Mark's chute couldn't open, so I flew up to him and kicked him in the nuts hoping it would mess him up so he couldn't open his chute. Well, he figured it out, and on the ground he came up and wanted to fight, but once he realized he was gonna get his a** kicked, Travis showed up and backed him up and then I just kicked both their asses."
Mark:"I like the a**l sex one better."
Tom: "How about skydiving during a**l sex?"

Tom: Hey, uh, Mark.
Mark: What, what the ******** do you want Tom? I'm sick of
"hey Mark, hey, hey Mark, hey Mark, hey look at this,
hey, look at, look at how I can make it bigger if I rub
it, look at this, hey Mark, come here."
Tom: No, seriously, Mark, hey, hey Mark. I wasn't really
masturbating. I've never done that. I was, uh... I was
inspecting my testicles for weird bumps.
Mark: That's what you say. That's what you say if your
parents ever catch you. "I wasn't masturbating, I was just
cleaning it and it went off."

One of my favorite ones (made me laugh the hardest...lol) is one by Tom in Riding In Vans With Boys...it was just hilarious the way he said it. I think it was something like:

"...but that's who I am, I just live on the edge. Sometimes I write ******** amazing songs and make people s**t their pants, too."

...it was funnier if you heard the way he said it...lol. The second sentence kinda like, came out of the blue...and the smirk on his face...it was just funny...lol. I wish I had that clip on my computer...

hahahah these are funny quotes.

Thess made me laugh so hard, its not even cool =P

I only have a couple....random....ones
Tom
"I am such a freak."
"I'm probablly the best in bed, even if it is just myself in bed"
"Right now people think I'm ugly, but in 150 years they might think I'm handsome."
"Mark and i are actually both having childs now, i guess, how weird is that, we actually slept with each other first and none of us got pregnant so we tried sleeping with our wives, and then it happened"
"hey what if testicals were things you could lose on an everyday basis? that would suck... you only got three."
"We pull off looking stupid very well. We can do that without even trying."
"I hope this song touches you like your father does."
"People always throw things at us."
"Some people think we're idiots and perverts, which we are."
"Please don't throw your dirty toilet paper, I'm not hungry"
"

Mark
"I see my job in the band as basically to be on stage as the village idiot, to act like a jakeass, and to make a total fool out of myself whenever possable"
"the first time i masturebated i was 18 and i blew a hole is the shower because i was saving up for so long"
"I don't like wine. I like mixed drinks. I don't even like beer... Beer is for men, cocktails are for gentlemen"
""Everyone call Tom a ******** Head!"
"We reserve the right to make fun of every single person on planet Earth."
"I don't feel like I'm a stable person at all."
"please stop undressing me with your eyes while i sit here"

Travis
"Take care of your colon and your colon will take care of you."