Welcome to Gaia! ::

I only have one child, and she's not old enough to act like that just yet, but I know how you feel, since my brother and sister used to be at war with each other like that. Though they were a little older at the time, my mom resolved that problem by forcing them to sleep in each other's bedrooms, and they were not allowed to have their old rooms back until they settled their differences. That did solve the problem, and now they get along with each other just fine.

I'm certainly not an expert at this, but I would recommend positive reinforcement. Perhaps you could buy them new toys or something if they can get along with each other for a certain period of time. If that doesn't work, you could always try time outs or confiscating toys until they behave.

I only have one child and she's almost five years old and she's constantly around her cousin who is a year younger. Sometimes they fight over everything, other times they seem to get along.

However, with the amount of violence your sons are displaying and the fact that they are two-three years old, maybe it wouldn't hurt if you call their pediatrician to find out what they thought. That seems awfully young for such violent acts but I only have a daughter.

sad

I find the mutual embarrassment of having to hug and say sorry works okay on boys, because really neither of them wants to be involved in that one, so it cuts down on unseen instigation as well. Making them stand and work through what would have been a better way to act while you glare is all-around a good deterrent (the standing makes them feel vulnerable and worn out, the glare indicates they're somewhat on trial, and the dialogue gives them a brand-new realization - in hindsight - of how they could have avoided being where they now are). My mom usually punctuated that one with a final swat as the Official Punishment - but that was never as bad as the glaring and us stammering through answers to very pointed, angry questions with a healthy helping of ice in her voice. That said, boys are almost always more physical about their arguments than girls. Over time, you learn which offenses merit a stern whack, and which ones will work themselves out after a brief scuffle.

I also suggest eliminating all CRT-related entertainment (anything that involves a glowing screen is right out) for about a week to see if that improves tempers. Excessive irritability is a hallmark of too much TV, even if it's only Sesame Street. Not to mention, many hasty treaties have been made under the "if mom catches us, neither of us is going to get to watch anything this week" threat. This is the flip side of bribery, and works perfectly well on 3-year-olds.

The good news is, as they get older, you can enforce the old "if you have this much energy you must need something to do" rule, which means the aggressor gets to mow the lawn, pull weeds, rake leaves, clean out gutters, run errands, do dishes, do laundry, clean the windows, vacuum, paint the house, build a fence, take the dog for a walk, cook dinner - pretty much anything you want done that won't be too costly to fix if they do it wrong. And, of course, those are also practial skills that will serve them well, if only because they'll be helpful enough that their wives won't want to kill them.