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Angel of the Silver Snow Crew
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 Posted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 5:59 pm
FUN THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR
Ok so your tired of looking at either the floor, or the numbers lighting up as you travel the elevator. Try some of thes tips to liven up your day!
1.Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly
2.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough air in there?"
3.Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
4.Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
5.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
6.Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
7.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8.On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
9.Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10.Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
11.Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
12.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
13.Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl
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Posted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 6:04 pm
IN THE BEGINNING
In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said, "You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said "Yes!" And Woman said, "I'll have another - with sprinkles." And lo they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast. Then God said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut shrimp, butter dipped lobster chunks and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof
God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats and added copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries with that?" and Man replied, "Yes! And Super size 'em!" And Satan said "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And Satan created HMOs ..
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Angel of the Silver Snow Crew
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Angel of the Silver Snow Crew
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Posted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 6:07 pm
YOU'VE GOT MAIL
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.
She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"
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Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2006 9:05 pm
Oh those are really good Angel.... low the evil of ben and jerry's...
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Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2006 12:12 pm
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Posted: Mon Sep 04, 2006 4:15 pm
Odd Newspaper Headlines From Around the World:
Include your children when baking cookies
Something went wrong in jet crash
Experts says police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
Safety experts say that school bus passengers should be belted
Drunk gets nine months in violin case
Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents
Miners refuse to work after death
Juvenile Court to try shooting defendant
Two Soviet ships collide, one dies
Red tape holds up new bridge
Astronaut takes blame for gas in spacecraft
Kids make nutritious snacks
Man minus ear waives hearing
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Angel of the Silver Snow Crew
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Angel of the Silver Snow Crew
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Posted: Mon Sep 04, 2006 4:23 pm
Let Me Help You With That
Walking down the street, a man passes a house and notices a child trying to reach the doorbell. No matter how much the little guy stretches, he can't make it. The man calls out, "Let me get that for you," and he bounds onto the porch to ring the bell. "Thanks, mister," says the kid. "Now let's run."
"Vengence is Mine," Thus Sayeth the Little Guy
Three burly fellows on huge motorcycles pulled up to a highway cafe where a truck driver, just a little guy, was perched on a stool quietly eating his lunch. As the three fellows came in, they spotted him, grabbed his food away from him and laughed in his face. The truck driver said nothing. He got up, paid for his food and walked out. One of the three cyclists, unhappy that they hadn't succeeded in provoking the little [guy] into a fight commented to the waitress: "Boy, he sure wasn't much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Well, I guess not." Then, looking out the window, she added, "I guess he's not much of a truck driver, either. He just ran over three motorcycles."
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Posted: Wed May 30, 2007 8:44 am
The second one is dumb.
But the other ones are great.
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