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Kittylovesmilk

PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 12:27 pm


Prouloge
Magic is some thing you believed in as a kid always wanting to be special to be a super hero, but what if you didn’t want it, what if it just was thrown in you face what would you do. Only one choice go with the flow. All the magic locked away in a special sealed container deep under ground was supposed to stay that way forever, deemed by God to give humans too much power, to make them more liable to sin. For seven hundred years, all the magic had been suppressed but now cracks in the seal are allowing some of it to escape. The people of earth no longer remember how to access and use the magic so the escaping magic goes to the most compatible people, children.
Any people over thirty directly refuse to admit that magic is returning to the earth. Unfortunately bad intentions are unavoidablesome of the magic, because of being sealed, has ‘spoiled’ and goes to bad people giving them awful powers, a war is threatening to break loose if the ones who can control their powers to stop it but are they willing? Most of the people with power over some of the magic are at best eighteen most younger and the worst part the younger they are the more powerful but people that young tend to have a constant over powering rule book called parents. Some of the most powerful don’t even notice that they have powers of any sort.
There are very few adults with any types of powers weak or powerful but there are some. The government has funded a research facility, code named HOPE, to find out what is going on the scientists there are emotionless and ‘collect children with any access to any magic and conduct ‘harmless’ experiments on the ‘subjects’ which have a tendency to leave the subject, dead or with no free will their only thoughts to obey their captors. Those with powers also set up their own research facility, named the shack so named to be an innocent topic if over heard, but theirs is voluntary and never painful. Both of these facilities have discovered that there are six kinds of magic. The first four are the most common and those are control over any element, Wind, Water, Earth, and Fire.
The less common are power over the mind and power over the heart though similar they are worlds apart. Panic has began to break out all over the world as battles begin and the war becomes inevitably closer, but in a small town two very different people are going to be brought together for one reason, to survive.
PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 11:47 pm


Frankly, you're trying to add many different things into one story. You're adding too much, in fact. Pick a genre and stick with it. Don't try for a fantasy/sci-fi/suspense/mystery unless you're quite sure you know what you're doing. In my opinion, it seems like you don't. Other than the issues with the actual story, your grammar could be a bit better.

Selzion_Rift


Aeric Brightleaf

PostPosted: Thu Aug 17, 2006 6:24 am


It's an interesting teaser. I'd like to see how it turns out.
PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 3:48 pm


Kittylovesmilk
Prouloge
Magic is some thing you believed in as a kid always wanting to be special to be a super hero, but what if you didn’t want it, what if it just was thrown in you face what would you do. Only one choice go with the flow. All the magic locked away in a special sealed container deep under ground was supposed to stay that way forever, deemed by God to give humans too much power, to make them more liable to sin. For seven hundred years, all the magic had been suppressed but now cracks in the seal are allowing some of it to escape. The people of earth no longer remember how to access and use the magic so the escaping magic goes to the most compatible people, children.
Any people over thirty directly refuse to admit that magic is returning to the earth. Unfortunately bad intentions are unavoidablesome of the magic, because of being sealed, has ‘spoiled’ and goes to bad people giving them awful powers, a war is threatening to break loose if the ones who can control their powers to stop it but are they willing? Most of the people with power over some of the magic are at best eighteen most younger and the worst part the younger they are the more powerful but people that young tend to have a constant over powering rule book called parents. Some of the most powerful don’t even notice that they have powers of any sort.
There are very few adults with any types of powers weak or powerful but there are some. The government has funded a research facility, code named HOPE, to find out what is going on the scientists there are emotionless and ‘collect children with any access to any magic and conduct ‘harmless’ experiments on the ‘subjects’ which have a tendency to leave the subject, dead or with no free will their only thoughts to obey their captors. Those with powers also set up their own research facility, named the shack so named to be an innocent topic if over heard, but theirs is voluntary and never painful. Both of these facilities have discovered that there are six kinds of magic. The first four are the most common and those are control over any element, Wind, Water, Earth, and Fire.
The less common are power over the mind and power over the heart though similar they are worlds apart. Panic has began to break out all over the world as battles begin and the war becomes inevitably closer, but in a small town two very different people are going to be brought together for one reason, to survive.



First off, that's more of a summary than a prologue. Second off, it's a wonderful dea. Third off, you should re-read, it, and have others read it for grammatical (or some of the odd ways you explain) errors.

A prologue is a sort of beginning high point to set off the story. Write it more like this, or something.
Tanya woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing. She went downstairs. No one was home. Her mother believes she could take care of herself. So, Tanya opens the door to see the authorities. 'Oh, crap!' She thought. 'They know..'.

Something like that to suspense your readers! I made an example to sort of show you what I mean. Of course, if you agree to re-write, yours will be longer and more descriptive, but you get the jist of it! I have a feeling that, with some work, your story will be great!

Violet_witch_4eva

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