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 Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:16 am
chazz walked down the hallway and started to his locker. ever since the incedent in the janitors closet hes felt a strange connection to zane and jayden. as he opened his locker a note fell out"oh no not again!"he said outloud and as he turned around he was met with strange looks'this is just like last time!'he thought before opening the note and reading it.
he looked confused as he read the note again in his head
dear chazz,
meet me in my room after school.
zane
he went to class only concentrating on the note. after class was over he snuck into the obelesk blue dorm and knocked on the door of zanes room. zane greeted him with a smile as chaz walked into the room. chaz was looking around the room and then, suddenly, he felt zanes lips smash into his as he blushed. chaz could only deepen the kiss as he started to take off zanes shirt . he keaned into zane as zane started to remove chazzs shirt.
chaz could only surrender to zane as he felt zane pulling his pants down and zane could feel the same thing but suddenly tripped onto zanes bed with chaz on top of him. chaz and zane kissed again as they started to cuddle on the bed in their underwear(hawt hawt hawt! gackt!*nosebleed)
the two were madly in love and they didnt care who knew which was good because jayden was watching or was watching from a nearby tree before passing out from seeing the two boys make out but still feeling jealous of zane at the fact that they got to have eachother. somehow he would have chaz for himself.
[oo! drama comes into play in the next chapter please comment on it and tell me what you think]
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 7:18 am
Erm...I'm not sure exactly how to say this....
Okay, I'll just give reasons.
1. Capitalization. Please make the letter at the beginning of your sentences a capital letter.
2. Punctuation. You really need to use apostrophes when something belongs to someone. For example, you say Chazzs a lot, it should be Chaz's. Same goes for Zane.
3. Spelling. Please use a spell check, it will be your best friend.
4. The sentences could be better, there's very little description going on for the scene.
5. PWP. Plot, what plot? Normally, this never happens in a story unless the rating is R or NC-17. I could barely find a plot in this chapter.
6. Authors' notes. You have them in the actual story. Some people really dislike them, because they say it interrupts the flow of the story. Others don't mind. You might be better off keeping your comments to yourself until you're done with the chapter.
7. Disclaimer. This is the most important thing you will ever put in a chapter. You need to put it at the very beginning. It's a sign saying, 'Not mine. Don't sue.' That's a summary. It keeps you out of hot water.
Ex: (Using regular YGO) Disclaimer: YGO doesn't belong to me, I'm just borrowing them from Kazuki Takahashi.
I think that just about covers my comments. Now, I'm not flaming you, it's just some constructive criticism to help you with your chapters.
Cloth Roses
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 9:45 am
Cloth Roses Erm...I'm not sure exactly how to say this.... Okay, I'll just give reasons. 1. Capitalization. Please make the letter at the beginning of your sentences a capital letter. 2. Punctuation. You really need to use apostrophes when something belongs to someone. For example, you say Chazzs a lot, it should be Chaz's. Same goes for Zane. 3. Spelling. Please use a spell check, it will be your best friend. 4. The sentences could be better, there's very little description going on for the scene. 5. PWP. Plot, what plot? Normally, this never happens in a story unless the rating is R or NC-17. I could barely find a plot in this chapter. 6. Authors' notes. You have them in the actual story. Some people really dislike them, because they say it interrupts the flow of the story. Others don't mind. You might be better off keeping your comments to yourself until you're done with the chapter. 7. Disclaimer. This is the most important thing you will ever put in a chapter. You need to put it at the very beginning. It's a sign saying, 'Not mine. Don't sue.' That's a summary. It keeps you out of hot water. Ex: (Using regular YGO) Disclaimer: YGO doesn't belong to me, I'm just borrowing them from Kazuki Takahashi. I think that just about covers my comments. Now, I'm not flaming you, it's just some constructive criticism to help you with your chapters. Cloth Roses thank you. I will use what you said to better myself in my next installment.
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Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 2:50 pm
This is my ZanexChazz (RyoxManjyome) fic. It's my first one, so it's probably really crappy.
Title: Shelter Me
Chapter: 1
Pairing: Zane x Chazz
Summary: Chazz has been a little depressed lately and why are there bruises all over his body? Zane knows but is a bit too protective to let anything happen to him. ZanexChazz
A/N: Er…This is kinda my fist ever Yu-gi-oh! GX fanfic, so please don’t be flaming me! Besides, flame me and I’ll uh…do something, not to sure yet, but something er yea…
AIM Screename: Pheonixwing09
Rated: PG-13
XxXxXxXx
Chazz Princeton’s eyes slowly began to close as he let out labored breaths. Bruises and fresh new scars covered is body but he didn’t care…His hands were changed above his head so there was no escape.
“Wake up!” a cruel voice yelled, as the sound of a slashing whip was heard. The Obelisk Blue immediately opened his eyes, breathing hard. His body was started to feel sore but he ignored it. “I’m not asleep, you a*****e.” He said, angrily.
“Language Chazz.” A different voice said. “Losing to that Slifer, Jaden Yuki was pathetic.” The first voice sneered. “You can’t call yourself a duelist now, can you Chazz?” the second voice taunted.
“Shut the ******** up!” The teen shouted, enraged. The cracking sound of the whip thundered throughout the room, but Chazz refused to scream…he was stronger then that wasn’t he?
His vision began to swim and he found himself losing consciousness…
XxXxXxXx
“Hey Jay…Have you seen Chazz?” Syrus asked, frowning. The brunet, who at the moment was stuffing his face, blinked, shaking his head. “Fo, Ly da yoo sk?” he said, making Syrus sigh. “You realized that I can’t understand you right?” the petite duelist said.
Jaden grinned, swallowing his food. “I said, no why do you ask?” he repeated.
“Well, I dunno, but it doesn’t seem like Chazz to sleep in this late…” Syrus reasoned. The elemental hero duelist nodded. “Yeah, I know whatcha mean. Listen, we’ll go check on him, but after lunch, ok?” The smaller one of the two nodded. The two best friends began chatting happily, neither of them, noticing Syrus’s older brother walking out the door.
XxXxXxXx
‘So Chazz is missing, eh?’ Zane thought, walking down the hallway, his hands in his pockets. “The smart thing would be to check his room.” He said, out loud, as he stopped in front of Chazz’s door.
He placed a hand on the doorknob and knocked on the door. “Chazz, wake up.” He said, impatiently. There was no answer…He threw open
Zane’s eyes widened as he looked at the state Chazz was in. Bruises all over his body, and chained to the ceiling. He quickly ran to the unconscious teenager. “Chazz! Chazz, godamnit wake up!” he screamed, shaking the other Obelisk.
He tugged on the chains, but nothing happened. “Damn.” He cursed. He looked around, spotting Chazz’s communicator. Quickly, he called Jaden. The brunet’s face popped up on the screen and Jaden had a confused look on his face. “Zane? Why are you calling me on Chazz’s communicator?” he asked.
“Never mind that, listen Jaden, I need you to come to Chazz’s room right away.” Zane said his tone serious.
Jaden grinned. “What? You can’t wake him up? I didn’t know he was a heavy sleeper!” he laughed.
Zane growled with anger, and held the communicator in front of Chazz, so Jaden could see him for himself. “Yeah I can’t wake him up!” he shouted, enraged. “Oh s**t! We’ll be there in a flash!” Jaden said, and the screen went dark.
Zane threw the communicator on the bed and waited patiently for the others to show up. “Hang in there Chazz…” he whispered
XxXxXxXx
Jaden and the others burst through the door. “Chazz!” they all chorused. “Come on! Help me with stupid chain!” Jaden, Zane, Bastion, and Chumley ran towards the fallen teen.
"On three! Ready? ONE! TWO!" Jaden cried.
"THREE!" they all shouted, pulling on the chain. It worked, and Chazz was released and Zane caught him before he hit the ground. "Come on guys; let's bring him to the hospital wing." Alexis said, sadly, motioning for them to follow. They all nodded, quietly, all to shock to see the proud, cocky Obelisk in this state.
Zane shifted Chazz so he was leaning on his back and had Chazz's hands resting on his shoulders. “We’re almost there…” he said, calmly walking towards the nursing room.
XxXxXxXx
A/N: Maybe I’m just weird like that but I think Zane and Chazz might be kinda cute-ish together…lol
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Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 12:59 pm
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