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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2004 4:27 pm
The Other Side is just a potential title it kind of makes sense but i don't think it really works
other's
humm i don't seem to remeber the other title's right now this is what happens you do most of you're thinking at 2 in the mornign and don't write stuff down
Emlee knew it was going to be a long, painful night as she walked up the stairs. She always walked up the stairs slowly. She had always wanted to be able to fell where she was on the stairs, encase it was every really dark or she went blind, but she would never count them, becvause she found that it could be and unreliable method. So, here she found herslef, climbing the stairs on her way to bed, talkinga step and closing her eyes for a few seconds to soak int the feeling, opening them and repeating the whole process. She only did this when she was alone, because it was the same childish logic that made her want to "feel" her ways on the stairs that made her selfconcious about doing so. She didn't like to be asked questions about what she did, becuase she felt no one would understand the answer. That and most of the time she didn't really have one. Tonight she walked extra slow, not jsut because she could, because the rest of her family was sound asleep and Emlee had been instructed to get herself in bed by herself, so she was as alone as she possibly could be, but because her nees and back were acting up again. Her nees very often refused to allow her to stand straight, or stand at all soemtimes. she also had some problems with her spine and there was constantly pain between her shoulder blades. "i'm growing wings", she oftern said. "Just like Merlan", she would finish in her head, doubting that many people had read the books she had and would understand if she said it outload anyway. Just recently, the pain had crept to her lover back and she would occasionaly get what she called back spasms.
there's more but i need a break
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2004 4:29 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2004 4:30 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 5:37 pm
Just some spelling mistakes: [HACKED] Emlee knew it was going to be a long, painful night as she walked up the stairs. She always walked up the stairs slowly. She had always wanted to be able to tell where she was on the stairs, incase (this might need to be in case, incase might mean to put something in a case, I'm not sure) it was every really dark or she went blind, but she would never count them, becvause she found that it could be an unreliable method. So, here she found herself, climbing the stairs on her way to bed, taking a step and closing her eyes for a few seconds to soak into the feeling, opening them and repeating the whole process. She only did this when she was alone, because it was the same childish logic that made her want to "feel" her ways on the stairs that made her selfconcious about doing so. She didn't like to be asked questions about what she did, becuase she felt no one would understand the answer. That and most of the time she didn't really have one. Tonight she walked extra slow, not jsut because she could, because the rest of her family was sound asleep and Emlee had been instructed to get herself in bed by herself, so she was as alone as she possibly could be, but because her knees and back were acting up again. Her knees very often refused to allow her to stand straight, or stand at all soemtimes. she also had some problems with her spine and there was constantly pain between her shoulder blades. "i'm growing wings", she oftern said. "Just like Merlan", she would finish in her head, doubting that many people had read the books she had and would understand if she said it out loud anyway. Just recently, the pain had crept to her lover back and she would occasionaly get what she called back spasms. It's hard to judge a story's plot, as well as its wording and structure, when its so full of spelling mistakes. I understand you wrote this in the early hours of the morning (or late hours of the night, really depends on your perspective doesn't it...), but all you need to do is paste it into Word, fix the words that get thin squiggly lines underneath them, and then copy and paste back into gaia. That shouldn't be too hard. Anyway, I'll check back to see if you update. Oh, and double space your paragraphs.
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Codebreaking Autobiographer
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Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 6:21 pm
Other than the spelling corrections which have been fixed on the previous comment, it looks like this is a pretty good start.
I'm curious about Emlee because she seems like such a frightened and broken character. What happened to her to make her so childlike (unless she's a kid, except the mention of "childish" as a bad thing, implying that she's old enough to not do this)?
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Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 9:35 pm
actually she's 12 and the term childish was to imply that she was a child
and on previous comment i actaully wrote this in the afternoon and i only think at 2 in the morning when i can't sleep becuase if i wrote at that time i would possibly be hurt by my parents
Oh and this actually is me i'm just using woolfie's account becuase mine is having issues and woolfie is a nice carring person
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Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 10:30 pm
To me the use of the word childish had the opposite effect and implied that it was not a child.
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Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 10:53 pm
Yeah, I also got the impression that she was a slightly senile old woman. xd
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2004 9:41 pm
meanwhile Yeah, I also got the impression that she was a slightly senile old woman. xd yes but later there is the mention of her older sister and her parents and stuff i just haven't typed that yet
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2004 10:05 pm
woolfie meanwhile Yeah, I also got the impression that she was a slightly senile old woman. xd yes but later there is the mention of her older sister and her parents and stuff i just haven't typed that yet Yeah, it'll probably make more sense once we see more of what you've got. Do you plan on fixing up the spelling mistakes? sad
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Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:31 pm
meanwhile woolfie meanwhile Yeah, I also got the impression that she was a slightly senile old woman. xd yes but later there is the mention of her older sister and her parents and stuff i just haven't typed that yet Yeah, it'll probably make more sense once we see more of what you've got. Do you plan on fixing up the spelling mistakes? sad eventually yes when my account problems are gone
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Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:40 pm
((saved...but I don't know why)) sweatdrop
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Codebreaking Autobiographer
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Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 7:05 pm
Just thinking about other words you can use besides "childish"... maybe "childlike" or even "young," despite the simplicity, better connotates that she is in fact a child.
I just think that even though you will eventually explain to us her actual age and situation, it might give the reader a conflicting idea of who she is and who she really turns out to be.
Just a suggestion... hope your account problems are resolved and we get to read more! whee
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Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 10:07 pm
alianorastar Just thinking about other words you can use besides "childish"... maybe "childlike" or even "young," despite the simplicity, better connotates that she is in fact a child. I just think that even though you will eventually explain to us her actual age and situation, it might give the reader a conflicting idea of who she is and who she really turns out to be. Just a suggestion... hope your account problems are resolved and we get to read more! whee the whole story is about conflict. it will always be a question of how old she really is. it's kind of the point. Its one of those who are we really? stories. its supposed to be confusing
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