I liked the content of the poem very much, and I agree with it. As a poem though it could do better.
You could try using metaphors or similes in some places, and uses of imagery. I understand this is a free verse, but it seemed to me more like several sentences were just cut down to make it look like poetry.
I think you're off to a good start with this poem, you should try modifiying it perhaps, try a rhyme scheme or something. I like writing out a poem, and then playing around with it, you always learn something from it, and you may end up with something better than you already started with.
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