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 Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2004 1:20 pm
Constructive critisism is welcome, as long as it's constructive.
I think this poem is funny, but then again I have a sick sense of humor... don't blame me if you're mortified
That door is closed
Don’t ask me why
It’s all I could do
To end that white lie
It wasn’t my fault
Don’t call me mad
He had it coming to him
So what I did wasn’t bad
I just took a knife
And while he was asleep
I crept into his room
Without making a peep
And stabbed him in the heart
Just where he stabbed me
So what I did was reasonable
It isn’t that hard to see
To my closet is where he went
Because that’s where he belongs
So even when the cops came by
I said “I didn’t do anything wrong.”
It seems they didn’t believe me
Because now in a padded room I lie
And that metal door is closed
And will be for a very long time
But still I believe what I did was right
So don’t think I’m crazy at all
Because it’s what he deserves
For not returning my call
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Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 3:34 am
Lol, I like how it's hard to tell whether she's actually being serious. I really like how sometimes you feel sorry for the narrator and at other times you want to hit her.
It's a very good poem, I quite liked the title. There was one part where I had trouble because it didn't rhyme as well as it could have- but it's an original idea! Well done! n_n
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Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 2:18 pm
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Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2004 9:32 am
I like it. I really like how you ended it. You would think that she killed him over more than a phone call, but nope. It's awesome. I am inspired...
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Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2004 6:15 pm
Heh. The last line makes it all worthwhile. The beginning of the poem...needs work. If I didn't have a headache, I'd be more specific. sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2004 9:50 pm
I like it, in a scary kind of way. The end is definetly worth the read razz
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